Ocean Size

It's just teasingly sunny out, it really doesn't mean it. It's waiting to fool me into thinking it's more than 32 degrees. Still, I can look out the window and imagine. Things seem better by default in the spring, plus I'll have better clothing options. As long as I don't keep getting fatter. The only good thing about my weightgain is that my breasts feel fuller, rounder... and dare I say they beg to spill forth out of my former "room to spare" bras? I find myself absentmindedly fondling my cleavage now that I have more cleavage to speak of. It's nice and warm and soft, yet firm. Yeah, I like boobs. Anyway, point is, that's the only plus of weight gain that I'm aware of. If I was like, 3 or 4 months preggers, then hey - I'd be looking pretty damn good. But I'm not.
I had weird dreams as usual over the weekend. There was this hotel, and there were different kinds of people, different parties on every floor. I was wanted by the men and the ladies, and even a tranny lurking in the bathroom that asked me if I wanted to take a bath together. I passed on that. Then I talked some nasty slutty talk to a Secret of My Success era Michael J. Fox in the elevator, trying shamelessly to get some of his action. Only part I remember, I had hiked my skirt up while lying on the floor in front of him with my hips raised. Subtle, yes. He didn't touch me, just stared at my cooch until the elevator stopped at his floor. Awesome.
I'm also having dreams that I'm supposed to work at my old job as well as my current one, and while it's nice that I'm needed by both places - I don't really fit in or do well at either and things inevitably get all fucked up. Maybe this will replace my "being back in highschool" recurring dream. Damn stupid unsexy recurring dreams.
Enough of my blargon-jargon for now.

Mine's Not a High Horse

Hmmm.... okay, so last week was odd.

And... don't you hate it when you're all mad at someone and then they do something for you, and it makes you feel so guilty for ever being mad, yet you kinda wish they hadn't?

I had done a lot more bitching in the last post, about work and stuff, but then decided to edit that out because I kinda felt guilty talking about the boss (but in the future, if I do talk about him - let's just call him "BM" for Boss-man or something. Heh.) Now I'm not sure if I'm glad I edited it or not, cause now you might not see my complete side and how frustrated and hurt I was. But basically, it was some things that he said that just made me feel really small and worthless. It doesn't help that I'm feeling like that a lot anyway, so it was just not what I had needed or deserved to hear at the time. But, as you have to do sometimes, I was just gonna let it go and not whine about it at work.

Well, on Friday when BM returned from lunch (drinks with friends), he was all "You need to cheer up, damnit!" and he had a plan. So he sets down 2 chilled premium malt beverages on my desk and tells me to go on and drink one. Ummm, is this a test? I laugh sort of nervously. I thank him for his thoughtfulness and say that I'll wait to drink them when I get home. "Oh, c'mon" he insists, giving me that don't-be-a-wuss kind of look. "Lemme tell you what, you're gonna drink that right now..." he sits and thumbs through his wallet, then throws $5 on my desk "...and then, you're gonna go up the street to the tanner and get some of that... what the fuck, those UV rays that cheer you up. You need the sunlight." I'm caught off guard and of course my natural response is to smile but shake my head "really, that's so nice of you... but I'm okay - I don't need to go right now or anything." He shakes his head "nope. I insist. You've been so crabby and depressed lately. Finish your drink, go, and then come back and drink the other one." This is all really odd to me. I feel as if I can't be a spoilsport though, and know there's no use arguing. Although, I do mention that I'm a lightweight and maybe I shouldn't drive, after I finish my lime flavored malt beverage with a slight shudder. "After one drink? That's like a beer. You're fine. Go on, go!" he orders, waving me away.

So I went. And it's true, I probably wouldn't have talked myself into going later. Unprepared and extremely pale, I just laid in the tanning bed in my bra & panties for 7 minutes. I did have sort of a buzz at that point, which made it easier to relax. I might even consider going a few more times on my own, just to get a little color and look a bit more alive - even though I had come to accept my paleness in favor of keeping my skin healthy. It didn't do a whole lot, there's just a splash of pink between my boobs and you can see the faint outline of my bra. I mostly just liked soaking up some heat, as I am one that's always cold. But still, weird.

I went back to work and thanked him, feeling a bit awkward. I don't want to sound like a brat, because I do appreciate the little niceties from BM. I know there are lots of bosses that wouldn't give the time of day for something like that. But, I'd kind of like a different kind of nicety though, like in the way of respect?
The whole thing just kind of reminded me of the newly divorced dad syndrome that I encountered as a child. He won't say he's sorry if he's made you cry, and he doesn't want to listen to what's wrong, but he will take you miniature golfing and let you pick Lucky Charms or Fruity Pebbles at the grocery store, like your mother never would.

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

When you laugh about people who feel so
Very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh

But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know ...

- The Smiths


I could've had my chance to speak up. Instead I bit my tongue. Maybe there will be another chance, or maybe this will just fade into nothingness. Gotta choose my battles I suppose, and this one has an unfair advantage, not in my favor. There have been other job situations where things have gotten heated, my feelings have been hurt and I've regretted what I said in retaliation.
I have a number of issues with this situation, but I try to avoid talking about work too much here. That has a way of coming back to haunt you. In all fairness, there's been a number of niceties as well and I can't afford to lose my job. There isn't a whole lot out there right now.

And seriously, not to lash out on you because I'm down.... because I really do care about a lot of you out there. But for those who just can't stand it when I'm being serious, when I'm sad, when I'm upset... keep in mind that this is just a few pieces of me, not the entire puzzle. Things will change, my mood will change, and you can always find plenty of other stuff to read in the meantime.

How To Disappear Completely

I don't think I ever learned how to be strong. I taught myself in childish ways that have no use in the real world. But sometimes, sometimes there's only so small you can make me feel. You can only put so many words in my mouth. This smallness begins to expand til it's tearing at the seams, tearing away at me. I can be angry, I can feel violent. It doesn't make me strong that I can hold it back? I was just taught that it wasn't polite. You don't do that.
But once in a while, I have this almost tangible vision. And it's of my hand grasping the back of someone's head and the force that surprises me with how swiftly I can slam it into the wall facefirst.
But I'm not like that.
In actuality, I'd be the one slamming my own head into the wall. In actuality, I'd do something to make myself bleed before I'd hurt someone else.
In actuality, I'm the one crying and shaking once again. Acting like a child just wanting to hide, wanting to run away, but having nowhere to go and knowing the punishment would just be worse once I turned around and headed back. That's what makes me cry. This. Here. Now.

Whir

Sometimes you gotta just laugh at things. Sometimes I don't take everything (including myself) so stinkin seriously.
So, after work yesterday I was gonna get a car wash since my car's all salty, as well as still a little crunched from that incident that we shall not speak of. And I'm thinking about how silly it is that I don't get car washes more often, so like now it's a big deal or something. I even debated on whether I thought it was a good idea, if loose parts from that incident would come off, but alas it's a "touch-free" carwash. Whatever. Anyway, I already paid for it along with the gas before I went around the corner and realized I was 5th in line. Eh, whatever - I'll wait, I'm here. But things seemed to take forever especially considering that it's one of those automated car washes. In actuality I probably waited 20-25 minutes to get into the damn thing. I get up there, punch in my code and pull in. As I drove in, the lights were flashing "go" and then they stopped flashing when I got to the point where you know, you stop. Typical. The garage door in front of me closes. It usually does in the winter. Typical. I wonder after about 30 seconds why the damn thing hasn't started it's spraying already. I think I've just pulled up crooked or something. I pull up and straighten a little. Nothing. Usually it makes a noise when you're supposed to stop or have gone too far, but it didn't. The garage door behind me slams shut. Heh. Still nothing from the machine, other than a muted whirring sound like it's shutting down. Ohhkay. I look and the column that normally lights up with what part of the cycle you're in is just blinking "0". Umm, what the fuck? I back up and pull forward again, nothing. I begin to fear that I will be trapped in this carwash, that the system has gone haywire and the columns that move vertically will start moving horizontally, and a robot voice will keep ominously repeating "Default setting: crush, kill, destroy!"* I think about getting out of the car but have a feeling I'd be setting myself up for a sitcom-like situation where as soon as I step out, I'm slammed from both sides with blasts of hot soapy water. I'm not getting out. I half turn around and look through the back window at the truck waiting behind me on the other side of the door. He must see that somethings wrong, right? Or maybe he was a jerk and pressed some buttons while I was in here that fucked it all up? Well then in front of me, a little side door opens and an attendant yells "It hasn't run at all?" and then I think he probably saw me on camera backing up and pulling forward and thought what the fuck is this woman doing? He tells me to hold on and I wait in there a few more minutes. He comes back and gives me a ticket for another car wash and says sorry - he doesn't know what's wrong but it'll take some time to reboot the machine. I was just glad to get the hell out of there! Whew!
I got upgraded from a "good" wash to a "better" wash, though not "best." Yeah, that was so worth a half hour.


* love that Simpsons line!

citizen's arrest?

NervousGirl does not handle downtown situations well. Er, I don't mean my "downtown situation" - like a euphemism or something, I mean the city's downtown area, of which our office is adjacent to. I've worked closeby here before and have had a number of odd (and awful) situations come up, but seeing as how practically no one off the street comes in here, I'm a little rusty in my skills. So this dude walks in and is asking what kinda business this is, I'm not sure exactly what he's looking for, but from what he says and seeing as how most everyone who comes in is not looking for our office, I point him in the direction of the office kitty-corner to us. I wait a minute and I don't hear anything, and I didn't see him leave. So I step into the hallway and see that dude is in my boss's office (in the opposite direction), which is open and the boss is not in. He sees me and stutters "uhh uhh, this isn't uh the office you said to go to, is it?" Yeah, fucking right it's not. So I ask rather snippily what exactly does he need and direct him to the other office, who it turns out can't help him with what he asked. He was polite and everything, but I can't help feel like once again I've been duped. I could just be paranoid. It's awful to have to be a bitch and so suspicious with everyone, but you just can't trust people around here. He sure started sweating after I saw him in the hallway. I don't know if my boss's desk drawer had already been open or not, but it is now. He always has this nice silver pen that he uses that now I don't see. So when he gets back, I'll have to tell him that I unknowingly let someone wander around who may or may not have stolen something. What was I supposed to do - demand that he empty his pockets? Citizen's arrest? Then it would sound like I was just being racist, maybe he was just confused. This shit always happens to me. I'm an office assistant, folks - not a fucking security guard. I feel awful. Fuckin Fuck Fuck Shit.


Update 2/22: Boss' expensive pen is not missing. BUT apparently, last night after I left and the lady in the other office was alone - the same dude came back and brought a friend. What the fuck were they here for? She startled them as they were digging through the candy dish out front and told them to get out. No, don't feel bad like they needed to eat or some shit, they just wanted to steal whatever they could get their hands on. I don't like this. I'm not intimidating enough, even though I can unleash the crazy, but who knows what they'd have done if it was me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not so small town that this is the first time anything like this has happened. It just still pisses me off and/or freaks me out. Rrrghhh.

cat fud

Here's our snuggly little cat who has decided that the gelatinous "gravy" is the best (and all that's worth eating) part of her Friskies. And the stinkier the better.

Hello Nasty

Well... fuddruckers! I like to use that as an expression but have never had the pleasure of enjoying the above-noted restaurant. We finally checked out the Red Robin though - had never been to one before. Mmmm, so many kinds of burgers, unlimited steak fries, good stuff. According to the waitress, everything was really good but she let us know her feelings were influenced by her being sooo hungry and not having a chance to eat. How does that make you feel? I could see my mom and I were both thinking "Oh, don't worry about us honey, you go get something to eat, we'll wait" but instead we just kinda went "aww" and felt awkward. I love how employees lower their voice and get the shifty eyes, looking out for their manager and tell you about their shitty working conditions or how honestly, "I wouldn't order that. I guess some people like it, but..." and make you feel like you're in on their secret. Then when they slip you the bill, scrawled in quick sloppy penmanship on the back it says "Cant leave! 18 hrs w/no break! Pls help me! Thnx!" Alright just kidding. It was worth checking out again. Yes, I realize I was just talking about getting healthy and whatnot but the occasional greasy dinner out can still be expected, come on now.
Speaking of fast food & restaurants, we're sort of lacking around here. Well, I mean it seems like there are tons of places to eat in this area, just not many that we've found that are all that good. But then again, we're sorta picky and frugal. And ya know, there are a lot of chain restaurants that I'm surprised we don't have. There's no shortage of chain restaurants, but I always hear about these other places that we don't have, like Fuddruckers, Boston Market, White Castle, Sonic, Jack in the Box, Hardees, Checkers, etc. I'm sure there are lots more places that everyone loves that I don't even know about, but I want to know what I'm missing! Give the fatty more choices of fattery! Maybe you all who live in different areas can indulge me with how awesome or disgusting they are.
Hmm, I hadn't intended on this whole post being about food!

" "

I know, I'm Quotey-McQuotes-A-Lot lately, but I just had to share this poem that crossed my mind the other day...

I feel horrible. She doesn't
love me and I wander around
like a sewing machine
that's just finished sewing
a turd to a garbage can lid.

-Richard Brautigan

He really knows how to say it, eh?

Everything In It's Right Place

My problem is that I don't know how to completely, effectively express what I'm thinking. This, by all means should be a simple human task, though it's not. In conversation it's worse, but I see it in my writing too. I forget that you don't know my history and can't hear my internal monologue. So listening to me or reading my words is kind of like observing one side of a phone call. You can almost piece together the story, but so much is left to be explained. Without the explanation it sounds half assed and/or retarded. Eventually, it gets boring and irritating trying to make sense of it.
That's odd. I'm trying to explain how I can't explain things. Trying to write about not being able to write. So here I am. I need to clean out, repair and re-organize my head.

Billy Jack Bitch

I told you, Prince is cool. You gotta give him his props. I was gonna say something about him having good taste, but I bet someone would have to call me out on the whole assless pants incident.

From MSNBC:

By Jeannette Walls
MSNBC
Updated: 2:45 a.m. ET Feb. 16, 2006

Paris Hilton may think Prince is hot — but looks like he thinks she’s not.

The partying heiress toasted the “Purple Rain” singer in a London club this week — only to have him sneak out the back. Hilton was reportedly drinking the powerful liquor absinthe at the club Kaberet Prophecy when she got into the DJ box and announced to the crowd, “I'm celebrating my birthday and Prince is in the house, so I want to play his new single because he's hot,” according to London's Sun newspaper.

The artist, hiding under a hood, quickly headed for the exit, but Hilton danced on the table tops until 3:30 a.m.

Running On Empty

I don't think I'll have much time to write today. I wish I did. I wish I could just wallow in my own mind, shut off the outside world, try to make sense of things, write about what I'm feeling. I need that. I need a mental health day... week, month, year. I wish I could go home. I need a space where I am free to write without looking over my shoulder. And I feel so obsessive-compulsive lately, I'll get an idea in my head and waste most of my day distracting myself with it. Before I know it, the hours have passed and I have no reasonable explanation for why I haven't gotten more real work accomplished. I'll have good intentions but they ultimately lead to nowhere. Ugh, I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

"...if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response is "Gradually and then suddenly." When someone asks how I lost my mind, that is all I can say too."

- Elizabeth Wurtzel

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?

Happy Valentine's Day!
I wish I could create something beautiful and thoughtful to express how I feel. Everything seems so cliche and is too much or not enough. Hmm, so many thoughts just swimming around in my silly lil' head, trying to find a way out. Maybe it's not so much that we have to have this one day to express how we feel, it's in the little day to day things when you've been together this long...
It's those knowing looks we share when we're about to say the same thing.
It's the way my favorite shows seem funnier when he's there watching them with me.
It's those lazy weekend mornings when he makes us a huge, greasy, yummy breakfast.
It's the little jokes that only the two of us would think are funny.
It's his way of cheering me up time and time again.
It's the way he listens and understands.
It's the way he can find my OCD more humorous than disturbing. (uhh... right, honey?)
It's the way we can just be ourselves together.
It's singing "Endless Love" "I've Had the Time of My Life" "Always" and other sappy duets together for our own amusement with Karaoke Revolution Party.

It's... a lot more things that make me feel special and happy that we're together. Like I said, I can't quite express it how I want to. I feel myself slipping into the cliche, corny, sickeningly sweet realm, so maybe some things are best saved for later.

I hope you all have a great day and spread the love and all that good stuff...
xoxoxo

Bad Dream

Had some crazy dreams last night. Do you feel pain in your dreams? Because sometimes I swear I do. I had gone with some people I didn't know to someone's house that I didn't know. The details are vague. I was wearing a dress. These people had two dogs that were sniffing me. The bigger dog got up under my dress and growled and bit into my ass. I was screaming. I reached back and was trying to pull his extremely strong jaws apart, it wasn't working. I could feel it, I swear. No one could help me. It sucked. When I woke up and told J about this, he said that although that does sound like something he would do, he was not biting my ass while I was asleep.

Any Way You Want It

Hey, I didn't forget about the poll results. You people are so damn nice to me when I shamelessly ask for validation. Thanks for being participators and not "haters." Really, it was more about finding out what things you like seeing here rather than me wanting to change the blog. But I really appreciate the "I'm Ok, You're Ok" kind of responses and will be keeping this blog as a virtual smorgasbord of posts so there's a little somethin for everyone, eh?
So... the most votes so far were for "more pictures" just as much as "I dunno... surprise me." So, uhhh great. I didn't think you were all gonna call my bluff like that! Guess I need to work on getting together some decent pictures. Will I have to make another poll to find out what kind of pictures you want to see? I've taken lots of bad pics of myself, and there's only so much of my big nose and goofy looks that I can handle having up on this here bloggy thang. We'll see what I can come up with.
Anyways, the sun is shining even though it's cold, this blog has almost reached 10,000 hits, and I even got a surprise bag of pretzels from my boss! Not a bad little afternoon. I'm pretty happy. Although not quite as happy as this lady.

I Can't Tell You Why

Hmmm, rejection. Lovely topic with V-day coming up, eh? Let's go back.
There was this guy that I had a... thing with for a little while. It seemed like some good times, but when I look back I wonder if it was only me that had a good time. I thought he was beautiful, and he thought his best friend's girlfriend was beautiful. Only I didn't know it at the time, when I was staying there. We smoked a lot of good dope together and listened to K's Choice, Sublime and The Verve Pipe. I don't remember a whole lot else. There was a time though, that I was riding in the passenger's seat of his car that I got the feeling he wasn't liking me too much anymore. Because I leaned forward to pick something up, and he slammed on the brakes... for no reason other than for me to hit my head on the glovebox. He wasn't the type that was just being funny either. That didn't bode well, but I didn't say anything. Thanksgiving was around that time and I reluctantly went with my mom up north for the weekend. Most of the weekend consisted of me being all giddy with my cousin, telling her how I met this great guy who was so cute and all that.

When I came back, all emotion on his part was gone. He was firm, yet vague about it being over. I gathered up the things I had left there and at the time felt very heartbroken (although I know it seems silly with the short amount of time we were together) at the whole "Hey, so good to see ya!" "Hey, go away" kind of reunion we had. In a lame attempt to win him back or something, I tried to make a move. I don't know, out of desperation I suppose? I remember leaning over him, he was sitting propped up in bed and I tried to kiss him. Bad idea. His hand came up and his fingertips created a shield between my face and his as he gently but firmly pushed me backwards by my face with disgust. Let me tell you, that'll take you down a couple notches. I probably deserved it, especially by karmic standards, but it still hurt (emotionally).

It sucks enough being rejected by someone you built up in your mind but didn't get a chance to know that well. But it also really sucks to be rejected by someone that once looked at you like you were special and then their demeanor changes to one of repulsion. It's hard to believe that that was probably like 8 years ago. Don't worry, I won't spend too much time regurgitating the past here. Still a little "ouch" lingers on, though. And I'm still mad that I never got my Prince hits 3 CD set back because he loaned it to his best friend's girlfriend without my permission! Ah, well - you win some (like my sweetie now), you lose some. Or something.

Uptown

Hey! We did something this weekend! Yeah, out of the house even! Two of our friends and a "not so much a friend as an acquaintance by association, who would be alright if he didn't feel inclined to be a jerk most of the time" were celebrating birthdays. We ended up going to one of the nicer bars downtown. Now some people love the "downtown" because they enjoy the delicate mix of hoity toity too-good-for-you fancy with rundown decrepit and poverty stricken areas. But hey, that's what most "downtown" areas are like, right? Well, it's not all bad really. I can see how some of it has it's charm. I suppose we're getting more and more snooty in our own little way by being in the suburbs now. Although compared to a lot of suburbanites, we probably seem like riffraff. It just depends if you want to be a big fish in a small pond or whatever, I guess. Anyway. All I know is, downtown driving and parking sucks so we kind of avoid it. Plus we both hung out there enough in our coffee shop days.
Anyways, that was quite a build up for not much of a story. The big thing is, NervousGirl got a very enjoyable buzz from a Long Island Iced Tea! Oh wow, I know - one whole drink! But as I've discussed before, I'm not much of a drinker. I would like to be, but it usually doesn't turn out so well. So anyways, it was a very good time and probably less than halfway through my drink I stopped being so self-conscious and actually laughed and talked to people. The only hard part was the not smoking. Ughhh. I wanted to SO BAD... it seemed like everyone else was. But when I smoked it seemed like I was a loner. Wouldn't you know it, smoking is cool, just apparently when I'm not doing it. Damn.

Already There

It was a pretty darn good weekend, we'll get to that soon.

But today. Today is not so good. Not feeling too great about today. I'm feeling pukey, crampy and extemely sensitive. My emotions are easily amplified. I'll have to watch it. I've already proven myself to be unprofessional in the past. Don't ever let them see you cry. Well, it's too late for that.
How come there are these certain types of women, that no matter what a piece of shit employee they are, manage to get the respect of everyone? Nobody would talk to them the way they talk to me and I gotta think it's because they sense my weakness but do not sense the wool being pulled over their eyes by these bitches. I can't play the role of someone else very well, and I have tried. How come it's okay for some women to talk and act in a way that to me seems extremely bitchy, yet it's just accepted like some little quirk? Then for me, if I do something similar, it's not alright, it's not funny, it's not who they want me to be. Because they have an image of what I am and they will tell me who I am. I'm the one who needs everyone else's advice. I'm the one that's so weird. I'm the one that is so quiet. I'm the one who is such a doormat. I'm the one who's too sensitive. I'm the one who listens to problems and actually cares about them, but can't keep anyone's attention when it comes to my own. I'm the one that needs to keep her chin up. It feels like when I try to change that there are always people there shaking their heads. Nope, sorry - it's too late, we've already classified you and we cannot remove you from this particular category. I've gotta stop telling people I work with anything about my outside life. Create a fake life just to tell them about. Or work at a large company where I can just blend in or go by unnoticed. I don't know what this is all about. I'm not explaining this very well. I guess I just think that since just about every job I've had I've started off liking, caring about what I do there, wanting to make things better. And every time that wears off and I seem to be filled with dread at the idea of it and when I leave I never want to look back. I gotta think that despite some of the shitty jobs I've had, the problem is with me. It's all a part of a bigger problem with me. I can't say I'm all negative. I certainly look for the good in people, even in people that I should know don't really have it. But with my life it's so hard to look at it with the same optimism, all I see is what's negative, what isn't there, what I did wrong, what I don't have, and what I won't have.
I didn't mean for it to all come out like this. What a way to start the week. I'll write something else soon but I had to get this out.

Home

I'm gonna keep the poll below going, thanks to those who've voted so far!
Today is just kind of gray. I feel like I could go off into a thing about sadness and loneliness, blah blah blah, but really I think I'm just too tired. Maybe if I got more sleep on a regular basis I'd feel a little better, ya know? Yes, what a novel idea. I'm just so very tired. It's drafty in here as usual and I just wish I could be at home, curling up with a blankey and my cat in front of the TV.
I love the mid-morning quiet when I'm at home. I love being there to see the way the sunlight filters in to the bedroom. I love the sound it makes when the furnace is firing up, like a mini jet engine. I love the steady hum of clothes tumbling in the dryer. I love just having a dryer. I love folding and putting away fresh warm laundry. I love laying in bed on my stomach with no need to get up. I love rolling over and changing positions to an even more comfy postition. I love having a pantry full of lots of soup and snacks. I love having all of our favorite TV shows recorded and waiting on the DVR box. I love being there when he comes home for lunch. I love just being there.
I better stop now before I get my mind too set on going home, 'cause there's work to be done around here. But I'm so very sleepy.

How Do U Want It?

Oh geez, a poll! What have we come to here? Well, I'd like some feedback and thought this would be an easy enough, anonymous way for you to let me know whatcha think, ya dig? I suppose if there's an option you'd like to choose that isn't listed here, then you might wanna leave it in a comment or email. Thanks to those who participate!

What would you like to see more of on Nervous Thoughts?

More pictures More lighthearted posts, less about your problems More angry rants More true stories of dating experiences More sex-related posts More sex-related posts (but only if they are hetero-oriented) More fantasy/fiction type of stuff More about inebriation I dunno... surprise me

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