Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Running On Empty

I don't think I'll have much time to write today. I wish I did. I wish I could just wallow in my own mind, shut off the outside world, try to make sense of things, write about what I'm feeling. I need that. I need a mental health day... week, month, year. I wish I could go home. I need a space where I am free to write without looking over my shoulder. And I feel so obsessive-compulsive lately, I'll get an idea in my head and waste most of my day distracting myself with it. Before I know it, the hours have passed and I have no reasonable explanation for why I haven't gotten more real work accomplished. I'll have good intentions but they ultimately lead to nowhere. Ugh, I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes.

"...if you ask anyone in the throes of depression how he got there, to pin down the turning point, he'll never know. There is a classic moment in The Sun Also Rises when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt, and all he can say in response is "Gradually and then suddenly." When someone asks how I lost my mind, that is all I can say too."

- Elizabeth Wurtzel


6 comments:

Ver. 2.8 said...

one of these days im sure all of these things in your life will be lifted. Its kind of like a bad cold you know your sick but when you get better you dont think about it until your sick again.

Yossarian said...

is this about your period again?

Nervous Girl said...

Ray - that's a good description, hopefully it will be like that.


Yossarian - that was almost funny the first time you said it.

The Reverend Dan said...

"Gradually and then suddenly."

It's one of those vivid descriptions that apply to so many different things in life.

Like succumbing to addiction, or getting malaria.

Ver. 2.8 said...

oh no how did you find out my real name :p

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