Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Since the weather's been nice, the cats have been spending most of their time getting in prime snoofing positions at one of the windows. (Aside: Have any of you used the window perches that are designed for cats? Reviews are mixed, and it sounds like they may not work properly with the replacement windows we have. But it would be better than having them sit on the kitchen table - we never eat there anyway, but still...) Gracie (pictured) is staying vigilant with her scout duties and once it gets dark out, there have been recurring Tail Poof Alert! situations. While it's incredibly cute to watch her scamper back and forth between the kitchen and living room windows while poofed up to twice her size, something seemed to be really stressing her out. Which led to her hissing, growling and tearing a hole in the window screen (now taped over, all classy-like), which caused Arlo to engage 3x Tail Poof! and make his horribly sad I'm-a-cat-baby "Mow wow wow aaoooow" wail while pacing nervously under the table. And I don't know, I was all worried like there was a raccoon or coyote or a shark out there ready to lunge through the window and eat my cats, but of course couldn't see anything. The next night when Gracie freaked out, I spotted her nemesis - the Anti-Gracie! Which is, a slightly scruffy outdoor version of Gracie sitting there all like "Hey indoor cat! I'm in yr yard, scopin yr birdeez!" And sure, I'm probably putting too much thought into cat behavior, but does this cat want to make cat friends? Just likes our yard? Likes to taunt our cats? Wants to be #1 Gray Cat in the 'hood? The odd thing is that when we had Jonesey, he had a similarly-colored doppelganger cat who would come by and stare at him, too. Woooeeeoooh! Also, I found it odd that Arlo - who seems more of the dominant cat in the house and likes to start shit with Gracie - resorted to crying while Gracie seemed ready to fight. I guess if another cat shows up who looks like Arlo but with a goatee (that's how you know he's the evil one) then he'll be ready to throw down.
Monday, May 03, 2010
I've got some bad thoughts weighing me down, and they would be easier to brush off if it was just my silly anxiety/worrying thing that I do. But what gives me that sinking, hopeless feeling is stuff that really has truth to it (I've disappointed everyone around me, I'm so afraid of dying that I'm not really living, It's not just that I think I'm fucked up - other people see it too, What good am I, etc.) Everyone has their issues, plenty of people have much MUCH harder stuff to deal with, but I get to that point where I feel as if everything is so royally fucked up by my own doing or not bothering to do that I can't think of a person who is more worthless. And I don't know where to go from there except to cry. (I know, drama queen much?) I keep thinking that I really need someone to talk to, or you know, I could at least be a better friend to myself if I'm gonna be alone all the time. And it's not like I'm never happy, I just have a hard time leveling, I guess. I can surround myself with little comforts (been a bit over-spendy lately - more on that later), but I feel like I'm grasping the air for a truly comforting thought to keep me grounded at times like this.