Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Well, it's probably an ill-advised way to come back to the blog, but things have been quite uncomfortable at [an area where I spend a good deal of my day to day time] and I need to get these thoughts out.

Let's say there's someone in your proximity who appears to be upset. And it's a long-lasting kind of upset. A huffy-puffy, deeply sighing, drawer-slamming, muttering obscenities to themselves kind of upset. And this upset seems to have coincided with reduced talking and niceties in your direction. If you are a reasonable and mature person, you probably would just ask the person what's wrong, right? But if you're nervous and underconfident like me, you have to think it to death first. Let's explore the possibilities.
- The problem is with me and I should realize that and what I've done wrong and apologize for it. Shit. (The problem with facing up to this scenario is that in trying to think of what caused this, I've created a whole list of irritating things I could've done recently, and don't exactly want to call attention to those items if they are not in fact the source of irritation.)
- The problem is with me, but it's mostly a general annoyance that can't be narrowed down to a specific incident. Said person is simply fed up with having to act nicey-nice with me on a daily basis and is choosing to be distant instead of confrontational. (Hey, I can certainly be irritating and moody and not fun to be around myself. I also was thinking that sometimes I think I'm being just as snarky and sarcastic as the next guy, when it actually comes off as really cold and bitchy and I hurt someone's feelings. Eesh.)
- The problem is a general one, a lot of stressful crap going on at the same time, etc. I am just one of many irritants on the shitlist right now and should proceed with caution and in the nicest way possible.
- The problem is a general one, etc. and it's not even about me! Does everything have to be about me?

So... it's been awkward. My attempts at niceties have been deflected, so I'm trying to just be politely quiet and hope that it blows over soon. BUT, is said person just waiting for me to ask what's up? I'm afraid to, honestly. The only good thing (if it even is good) about this is that I'm taking note of how sucky it is for the other person when I act this way and should avoid this happening in the future. I have certainly done my share of being Princess Pissy McSighing Pants in my time, and usually the culprit is that I am upset with someone but have no rational/healthy/productive way of dealing with it, and well, it's a pretty passive/aggressive behavior. If I was just upset in general, I would probably just be giving the vibe that I wanted to be left alone. But I don't know! I don't know what other people think and I obviously spend too much time guessing!

What about you? Are you prone to crabby silences? Are you the one who nips these things in the bud? Am I a bigger jackass than I thought?