Do you have to let it linger?

Have you ever even heard of, much less drank, Ten High Whiskey? Yeah, no - you need to look further down on the liquor shelves. There you go. Anyway, it came highly recommended to us so what choice do we have but to drink it, right? It's best if you just take a deep breath and swallow it as quickly as possible without trying to taste it. (That's what she said.) Then feel the fire. And later, while burping, wonder if the term "sour mash" means it was made from sour mashed rotten bananas. No, no really - you should try it.

A nice note to tack on after that is that I'm having a really hard time dealing, just with life right now. But when am I not? And when am I not telling you about it? I know, I'm sick of it too. So to throw myself into something that would make me happy, I've been looking around, okay maybe a bit obsessively, at pets online who are up for adoption and falling in love at first sight with cats that I don't even know, who might already have been adopted by now (because it was hard to tell how often these sites get updated.) And I've been wanting to go and fill up a shopping cart full of these sweet little kitties, and a few of the dogs too. But. I really should hold myself back and try to be rational. Plus, at nearly $100 a pop (to include their medical fees), it's not even feasible that I can go on some kind of pet shopping spree. We'll see. There are a couple adoption events this weekend, maybe we'll go check them out. Also, it would probably be good for me to consider doing something admirable like Fluffy Cat does and volunteer or help out somehow with a local animal shelter or rescue program. Maybe I should allow us more time to mourn. I just don't know.

Also, is it really so bad to have your cats front-declawed if you are planning on keeping them as an inside cat? I didn't realize there is so much opposition to that, but I've only ever had indoor cats who were already front-declawed when we got them.

"Workin wit me: fire n' ice"

Yesterday I was thinking that sheesh, I'm 28 years old and I still don't think I'm ready to deal with the real world. I get incredibly pissed off with situations at work and just don't know how to handle them - end up coming off as passive/aggressive and it's just not good. And then of course, I don't leave things at work but take it all personal and let it bother me when I'm home. I need to desensitize myself a bit.

BUT at least when I was sitting there thinking I should just bite my tongue and/or swallow my pride, I thought "hey - at least I do have a bit of pride to swallow, when I would've thought I had none at all."

So, that's something. I guess.

Gravity

Having a tough time pulling myself out of the muck. February usually tends to be a crap month for me anyway. But today the sun is shining and it's in the 30s, so by God I should be a little perked up by that. Still there's that nagging undercurrent of sadness, negativity and all that fun stuff pulling at me. Sometimes it's like I'm treading water - just barely staying afloat but not really getting anywhere. But anyway.

Our beloved cat passed away this weekend. She hadn't been doing too well for quite some time, and she was an estimated 14 years old (we've owned her for about 5 of those years) so of course we knew this was coming, but it still hurts so much to say goodbye to a pet. You know how it is. She brought us a lot of happiness though, more than I can properly explain here, and the memories will not be forgotten. When we first got her, her former owners had said she "just doesn't purr" and it didn't take long for us to prove them wrong. Aww. Such a wonderful cat. Our cat. She will be missed, to say the least.

Habby Baledtide's Day!

May your Valentine's Day be frost-free, pleasant-smelling, snuggly-soft, non-toxic, easy-to-operate, sexually-gratifying, low-brow, highly-inebriating, self-cleaning, flavor-enhanced, and minimally-invasive.

(With a low occurrence of unpleasant side-effects such as weakness, nausea, nervousness, irritability and loss of bladder-control.)

Well then, they don't like you either

To each their own and all, but these people (yeah, those people) who are indifferent to animals perplex me. I mean, it's not like we're all morally obligated to own lots of pets or rescue little critters or be interested in every kind of animal. And sure, there are reasons why people might not be able to have pets in their living situation. But just not liking ANY animals, in general? Couldn't care less if they existed or not? Have you experienced this? Do you know these people? I guess I just wonder if there is some underlying reason. A couple people that I've known who have this attitude have terrible allergies, which explains why they never really got the chance to bond with an animal, but they also seemed to develop a contempt for them. Doesn't matter if it's a cat, dog, bird, turtle, koala (how can you possibly hate a koala?) etc. Like, they wouldn't hit the brakes if one was crossing the road, and wouldn't understand why a person would be upset about the loss of a family pet, and don't understand why anyone would keep them around. To me, it just seems really cold and I have to admit, it sort of changes my perception of that person. Ahem. (Points at office across the hall)
But, then again, that might be how people feel about me when I tell them I have no interest in sports.

Sometimes it's like I'm not even here

Yes, I'm pouting and
yes I realize that it's somewhat ridiculous
and doesn't help anything.
BUT.
I'm telling you, dear internets, anyway.
Most of the time I don't mind just blending in
to the point of being nearly nonexistent.
Most of the time I don't mind being someone's sounding board -
most of the time what they have to say is more interesting/important anyway.
BUT.
Sometimes
I just want to scream
Damnit,
am
I
really
so
invisible,
or
just
conveniently
negligible
to you?

neg·li·gi·ble
adjective
so small, trifling, or unimportant that it may safely be neglected or disregarded

Raargh!

(and um... sorry for that pouty vertical rant)

Sunburst & Snowblind

Well, the winter storm advisory is over, but picking up where that left off is a wind-chill advisory (it's 10 below but the wind-chill is at a painful 30 below) - which means you best bundle that ass up, for reals now!

We stayed in all weekend, not that we HAD to, but who wants to go out in this shit when you've got food, booze, and all the comforts of home right there, you know?

This morning was a frigid, white-knuckled drive in to work but it's been worse. You get really thankful for spots where you can actually see the road. And stop. Very grateful for stopping abilities.

I finished reading Fear of Flying by Erica Jong and I have to say I really enjoyed it. Sex, relationships, psychoanalysis and insight = good stuff. Even though I think this was originally published in '73 and was quite "shocking" at the time, it's really held up over the years, and even though it doesn't seem so controversial now, it's just a great read. I think a lot of you blogging buddies would enjoy it too. But you probably already knew that, it just shows I've got a lot of catching up to do on books I've wanted to read for years.

I need more coffee. And maybe a couple of pipin' hot burritos to put in my shoes. Brr!

And You Know It Don't Come Easy

I don't feel right. Has the unhappiness settled into a ball in my stomach? Because it hurts from somewhere below my chest all the way down. Last night was awful, and I remember not feeling too well the previous evening either, but it subsides a bit in the morning. I want to say it's different than the tummy problems I've had before, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's a premonition. Maybe it's nothing.

This is really pathetic, but I'll say it anyway. I feel like I'm pining for this sense of normalcy that I perceive other adults as having. Of course, my perception has been known to be skewed. Even though my life has come a long way from how it was even 5 years ago, I don't feel like I'm there yet. I just want to get to this ideal I have of being "comfortable" which really just includes things that are nothing to most people. Like, when your car has something wrong with it - you just take it to the shop, no question. Or your husband just takes care of it. It's not like you probably had money saved and set aside just for that, but you KNOW that it will be taken care of somehow without meaning that all your other bills will have to go unpaid. And it will be worth it to fix because it's a relatively good car. Or you just go to the dentist twice a year, even when nothing is wrong, because that's just what people do. Or I should say, that's what people with dental insurance do. Oh and they definitely wouldn't be wearing old glasses or contacts either. But, before I go to off the deep end, I know and have to remember that things could be much worse. Hell, they were a whole lot worse. We're never short on food, or shelter, or even home entertainment. And I know most of the time people don't reach that state of comfort that I'm thinking of overnight. That's why they work hard at bettering themselves. I know. I just feel like I'm really far behind in a race that I'm not even qualified to participate in. Don't be offended. I know it doesn't come easy. That doesn't mean that we don't sometimes wish that it would, though!