Thursday, February 23, 2006

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

When you laugh about people who feel so
Very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh

But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know ...

- The Smiths

I could've had my chance to speak up. Instead I bit my tongue. Maybe there will be another chance, or maybe this will just fade into nothingness. Gotta choose my battles I suppose, and this one has an unfair advantage, not in my favor. There have been other job situations where things have gotten heated, my feelings have been hurt and I've regretted what I said in retaliation.
I have a number of issues with this situation, but I try to avoid talking about work too much here. That has a way of coming back to haunt you. In all fairness, there's been a number of niceties as well and I can't afford to lose my job. There isn't a whole lot out there right now.

And seriously, not to lash out on you because I'm down.... because I really do care about a lot of you out there. But for those who just can't stand it when I'm being serious, when I'm sad, when I'm upset... keep in mind that this is just a few pieces of me, not the entire puzzle. Things will change, my mood will change, and you can always find plenty of other stuff to read in the meantime.


Dave said...

Trust me, I don't laugh at you. I'm laughing with you, otherwise I would cry, and that just isn't acceptable.
"On a sunday morning sidewalk, I'm wishing lord that I was stoned, cause theres something in a Sunday, that makes a body feel alone.
And theres nothing of dieing, thats half as lonesome as the sound, as a sleeping sidewalk, and Sunday morning coming down."-- Johnny Cash
I swear to god, this is the longest Sunday I've ever come across.

Dave said...

I venture to say that our generation is travelling this road...the hard part is, we aren't travelling it together. We are laughing at each other, disguising our disdain for ourselves with malformed humor, and saying to each of ourselves "glad I'm not like that guy."
Here's the wakeup call, we are everyman. They are cliches for a reason, they apply to most, if not every person.

---- said...

Sorry I haven't commented in a while (been in Crazyland, sort of)...!

But, ugh, I kinda know how that work crap goes...someone is nasty, or takes advantage of you, and you act meek and just nod or whatever, and later on you're kicking yourself for not saying what you really thought and for not standing up for yourself.


I know that I need time to mull things over and to make lists...which is not only why I don't do well in on-the-spot confrontation, but it also explains why I seem to express myself better through writing instead of talking.

But that's just me (don't know if you relate to it or not, but I'm thinking that at least a *little* of it rings true for you.) Anyway, just wanted to say I'm sorry that work is going crappily right now. Hang on, and hopefully Monday will be a better day.


Blush said...

oh sweetie, no...

please dont feel that way...noy about us...

we love you the way you are

Nervous Girl said...

Ohhh... people! I hope I didn't sound too much like a pouty old bitch, perhaps I was projecting too much of what I think everyone else thinks, when in reality - maybe they don't all think that. You all that have been coming here for a while probably have an idea of what to expect from me with my writing and I really do appreciate that you're here through the ups and downs.