Thursday, August 25, 2005

Can't Hang



Have you heard this song yet? I mean, it's been out for a while now. But if you can appreciate rap parody humor and iTunes, please check it out. You know Dr. Dre must've laughed his ass off, or at least I hope so. Plus, Ben Folds is some good stuff.

I think I need to drink more. Or just get better at drinking. I don't like beer, not just 'cause I'm a girly-girl but it gives me the shudders and makes my kidneys hurt. My drink has become a vodka & cranberry juice, sometimes with flavored vodka. The one I got the other night was cranberry juice with a shot of rubbing alcohol. And the waitress corrected me "oh, a vodka-cran?" yeah, that's a snazzy little abbreviation there lady. Kind of like when my mom made us crack up by saying "I'll have a glass of zin" because she's just so hip. I don't say that sarcastically, my mom goes out with her cool single friends more than I do. Gotta love it.

Anyways, unlike most people I know, I'm pretty much a wuss when it comes to drinking. BUT more than one person can vouch for the fact that in my prime, I was the shmoke-dawwwg. Roll up another doober! Puff puff pass! Oh, but that's not okay with a lot of people or you know, society. Back to the drinking. You would think that someone with a history of alcoholism in their family would be able to throw back a few and not even feel it, but I'm such a lightweight. I have so little knowledge with the subject too. So when I go out sometimes I forget that I'm way past legal drinking age. I'm the dork ordering a diet coke.

I wonder if alcohol just affects me differently than other people. Like I can feel this burning sensation running through the veins in my arms, then my arms feel really heavy. I think it depends on the kind of alcohol too. Sometimes I can feel it travelling through my body and it feels like poison, burning everything along it's path. It used to hurt my lower back, but that doesn't happen so much anymore. Maybe my liver is crap. Once in a while I get that hazy feeling that other people enjoy while drinking. I can get a little lovey-dovey but usually I'm just as shy as before. I can't pass things off as "oh, I just said that cause I was really wasted"...but I'd like to! I'd like to enjoy it and be carefree. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and he's still hoping to one day see me totally wasted. The closest we've gotten was one time when I said I'd drive us home in his car, and then proceeded to smash my face into the door frame as I was getting in. The impact was directly to my browbone and it hurt like a mofo. He thought I was just fucking around not unlocking the other door for him and came around to see why I was simultaneously crying and laughing like a maniac. I pulled my hand away from my eye and there was blood on my hand as well as running down my face. He was a little shocked and immediately went into his sweet helpful boyfriend mode. (As he has often had to do, since I can be slightly accident-prone). I looked in the mirror and laughed some more, getting blood and mascara in my eye. If that wasn't a sign from God that I shouldn't have been thinking about driving, I don't know what is! He sobered up quickly, found me some paper towel to put on my face and drove us home. I'm not that proud of that story but of course had to tell it many a time as my face healed.
But the really lame part? I had had ONE drink. ONE! Yes, it was on an empty stomach and yes they had given me the nice Grey Goose vodka, but still!
Then again, I am a clutz and could very well have done the same thing without any inebriation.

11 comments:

Blush said...

my favorite part of that song is when he goes "now that's some real conversation for your ass"
i too am terrible at drinking...but drugs--no problem. but sometimes just the thought of drinking makes me feel like i'm gonna vomit.
and i like vodka and cranberry juice too--we call 'em cape cods.

Yossarian said...

your boyfriend must love you. because if you were blleding and tried to get in my car...lets just say a war axe would be shoved in your head.

Nervous Girl said...

wow, that's a shitty thing to say...

Nervous Girl said...

but I know, you love your car

megan said...

I love your blog. Love the way you write, the things you write about. You seem so refreshingly human, honest and humble.
I, for one, would not hesitate to allow you in my car with a bleeding head wound.

Also, from a few posts back... going from 10-15 to 4 or 5 cigarettes is a major accomplishment. You should be really proud of yourself.

Nervous Girl said...

Thanks so much for the kind words, Megan. That means a lot to me. :-)

Lovely Lisa said...

JESSICA!!!
I saw Ben perform that song live before it came out on itunes, and I had to have it!!! I had a countdown to Ben on itunes up at work because no one believed me he did that cover at the concert.
I love Ben.
Want to really stump a waitress? Call your vodka cranberry juice a Cape Codder, its official drink title. I think its cooler than vodka-cran....I'll have a Cape Cod.
Yeah!

Dave said...

I've been wanting to check out that album. I got hooked on Ben Folds back in the day of "battle of who could care less". As for alcohol, I love smoking much better. The highs are better, side effects less, and other than the complete lack of ability to keep a train of thought, perfect.
If you aren't fond of being drunk, don't force yourself. If your company doesn't test, I'd say smoke and drink water.

Nervous Girl said...

Lisa - that is too cool - I'm jealous!
Thanks to both Blush and Lisa for telling me it's a cape cod. See, I don't know these things!

Nervous Girl said...

Dave - you're wicked awesome.

Soffy O said...

I am just the same! Which means my friends are either all stoned without me or I am drunk alone. It's a lonely existence.