Skin Care

So, last night we were at Target (by the way, I found this blog dedicated to being obsessed with Target - how cool!) and I was seriously considering some new face care products. Yes, I realize this may be pretty boring to the guys out there, or anyone for that matter. Bear with me.

I've never had an actual facial. I write this and chuckle. Shut up, you know what I mean. Speaking of which, I am SO glad that the time my mom was over and we were looking for a picture on my guy's computer, she didn't ask what the folder titled "facial" was for. Heyyy-O!

Alright, out of the gutter. So it seems like lately the big hubub is all alpha-hydroxy this and microdermabrasion that. I am getting older, and I don't know where to start. Those microdermabrasion kits are kinda expensive and look like an Acuvibe for your face. They come with some exfoliating scrub and some sponge applicators that you put on the vibrator thingy and then go to town on your face. They claim to take about 10 years off. I saw a makeover show recently where someone had this professionally done, and it is really like they just sand off a layer of your face. It did give that person a nice healthy glow, but damn. Don't forget that I'm cheap. I already have lots of half used skin care products that didn't do much of what they said. Would it just be the same if I used some gritty face scrub and scrubbed really hard? Or if I just used some sandpaper? I'm not ruining a perfectly good vibrator with that stuff though.

Speaking of skincare, don't you love that commercial for ProActiv with Jessica Simpson? "In my videos, they had to go in and digitally *fix* my face" but it sounds like that quote was digitally *fixed*. And I love it when she does that pouty little girl look and says "my skin needed to be disciplined." Fuckin...Anyway.

Speaking of skincare and masturbation... At one of my old jobs, I had a couple crazy older ladies ask me how I took care of my skin. (Not even MaryKay reps either this time!) Uhh... I take birth control pills and use a gentle foaming cleanser? Well then one of them wanted to write down what products I use and what makeup I wear and all that. The other lady (on a separate occasion) told me that washing your face is the worst thing you can do for it. So she would just smear her face with vaseline instead. I didn't take her suggestion. She said another thing that was good to use is a Waterpik with really cold water blasting on your face. She then tells me the Waterpik is also good for personal pleasure when her husband's not around, wink wink. And yes, this was all at the drive-thru window. I was repeating this story later to my boyfriend and mixing up the details and told him "this old lady told me to masturbate with an icepik!" A look of horror came over his face and I realized what I had said. Oops.
Well anyway, I didn't buy one of those sanding kits. Sweet, tired, wanting-to-get-the-hell-out-of-Target boyfriend said "all you need to do to look 10 years younger is to smile" Aww.

Mom said a bad word!

When I was growing up, I never heard my mom swear. She was the type that would say in a moment of frustration "Oh, dang!" or "Geez!" and would even give us the evil eye if we said "Oh my GOD" as that was taking the Lord's name in vain, and we better not have dared to say "Goddamnit." She still holds a grudge against Eddie Murphy because she somehow saw a comedy special of his in the 80s where "every other word was the F-word".
So nowadays, I think it's hilarious to hear my mom swear. It's sort of like she tried to shelter me so much that I feel like sheltering her now, like she doesn't know that these words even exist. But she's come around quite a bit and will allow herself to occasionally say "shit" or "bitch" and has even been known (in rare circumstances) to drop the f-bomb - in a hushed voice of course.
Now my guy on the other hand, grew up in a family where swearing was okay. One of my favorite stories was about how when he was in elementary school, his mom got a call from the principal because her son had said "fuck". As it was more common at the time, they were going to give him some sort of corporal punishment. I don't know if it was with a paddle or what. But they called his mom first, who responded with "you're not going to lay a fucking finger on my kid!" and came to pick him up. Yay mom! Fuckin A!
Still, even now I cringe if he happens to swear or say anything inappropriate in front of my mom. His humor is great, I love it, and it's never anything directed at her or said in anger, but... I nearly died when he was telling her about the show Deadwood and how they say "cocksucker" all the time. The word cocksucker came up about 5 times in that conversation and led me to give him a fierce elbowing when she wasn't looking. But my mom laughed and everything, so maybe it's okay as long as he's saying it and not me. Maybe he's trying to test her. The other day she was commenting on a restaurant that was called BD's grill or something and she said she wondered what the BD stood for. He says "I'm guessing it's not bondage & discipline" which was funny but again, I wanted to be swallowed up into the ground. She laughed though. I guess now I'm the prude.

Bitter Restaurant Banter

How long are you willing to wait for a table at a restaurant?
Yeah, I guess it depends on how much you want to eat there, like if you know it's going to be awesome and worth it, I guess I can see waiting for it.
We don't live in that small of a town, but not that large of one either. It appears that we have a decent amount and variety of restaurants in the area. But trying to go out on a Friday night is ridiculous. No one takes reservations and everywhere is packed. But still, we were in good spirits and felt like going out.
So we tried for probably the 5th time in the last couple years to go to the stupid Outback Steakhouse. Every time we go, there's a helluva long wait, people are lined up outside and shit. We figured it must be pretty good, considering it's always packed. This time there was a 20 minute wait, and we found that reasonable. We sat at the bar and observed the hokey boomerangs and koala bears stapled to the walls. He got an overpriced beer. It probably ended up being about a half hour before they set off our little pager thing to let us know we had a table. Then we go up to the hostess stand and the two hostesses are doing nothing but singing along with the music and are like "oh yeah, you're table's being bussed it'll just be a few more minutes" which is sort of like, why did you call us up here then, bitches? But anyways. They finally take us to one of those crap tables that has an uncomfortable chair on one side and a backless bench on the other. Fine. We're both quite hungry and start perusing our menus. After just a minute, he looks at me and says "I don't know about you, but I don't think I want to eat here." I figure he's overreacting, and we can find something but when I look at it - he's right. There are some really lame ass choices and WAY overpriced for what you get. Your choices are a steak for $12.99, a different steak for $15.99, another steak for $17.99 and some other lame crap like fettucine alfredo disguised under some aussie name. Wow, how authentico! No sandwich options either, all overpriced entrees. Yeah, we might sound cheap and in some ways we are, but you just get the sense of how much chain restaurant food is really worth and can't bring yourself to pay that much for food you could make better yourself and not have to be in a craptacular environment. So he finished his beer and we told the waiter we were leaving. He didn't seem surprised at all like this must happen a lot. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Unfortunately, we went to 2 other restaurants that had 35-45 minute waits before finally going somewhere that we could actually get a table.
I don't even expect that much out of restaurants, but damnit, there's another one to cross off the list!

Overanalyzing a fortune cookie

Our most recent chinese food experience left us with this fortune to ponder:

You have tasted the bitterness as well as the sweetness of coffee

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this doesn't really even qualify as a fortune, now does it? I am not enlightened. It has not predicted or suggested anything. It's just like "yep, here's a random statement".
It's not even any better if you attach "in bed" to the end. It would be more deep and vague if they just left off the "of coffee" don't you think?
This makes me wonder if perhaps the guy making up the fortunes was having a rough morning reaching his quota. Not much sleep the night before, boss was on his ass to make a deadline. Maybe someone came up and asked if they could get him anything, and he said "a cup of coffee" and then later realized "oh shit... not again! I gotta start proofreading these damn things! No more talking while typing for me!"

Or are they saying there was bittersweet coffee in our chinese food?

Retro-pervy

Here's a song that I remember from the 80s and always liked, but if you listen to the lyrics it sounds like a pervy old man trying to get some hot teenage poontang... at least he's trying to be romantic about it though. I can understand it and all, it just makes me wonder where all the sugar daddies were when I was 16? Oh, I'm kidding.

"Into the Night (If I Could Fly)" Benny Mardones
She's just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet
But I want you to know
If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen, ever seen

It's like having a dream
Where nobody has a heart
It's like having it all
And watching it fall apart
And I would wait till the end
Of time for you
And do it again, it's true
I can't measure my love
There's nothing to compare it to
But I want you to know
If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen, ever seen...

A "Blog-Con" in my mind

What if we had some big blogger convention? I know, I'm a dork. I can just picture us all in some big convention center with our little "Hi, my name is" stickers on, with our blogger profile names. So I'd be like "Oh, look over there! It's SayUnderpants, awesome!" and she'd be like "but I have a real name, and you already know it" but I'd still want to call people by their blogger names. I'd try to hug all of you people that I read and comment back and forth with because I love you in a non-creepy way! It would be so cool. Or I would just be a wallflower, I don't know. I hope you'd talk to me...
I'd find out where Dave and Dwight were hanging out cause that's where the laughter and goodies would be. Yossarian would be nowhere to be found and people would be asking about him. "Oh, I thought I saw him with XTX... no maybe he's with Blush... no, maybe they're all together and they didn't invite the rest of us!" Damn!
And of course I'd want to hang out with Lovely Lisa who I'm probably closest in geographical location to, plus we could giggle and talk about boys and music and stuff.
There would be plenty of booze and smoke and snacks and music and all that good stuff. But then maybe we wouldn't want to blog about it afterward because the mystery would be revealed and it wouldn't be the same. Then again it's just a crazy idea that I am imagining because I don't have a lot of friends in real life. Don't worry, I'm not a stalker, just a dork.

But yeah, it would be sweet. Mingle! Make awkward comments! Talk amongst yourselves!

*if I didn't mention your blog, don't be offended - it's not that I don't think you're wonderful too, it's just I either don't know you as well, I don't know what to say, or I'm trying not to embarrass myself further...

ill communication

I'm a procrastinator. I don't know exactly how long I've been like this, but somewhere along the line it got out of hand. And of course, instead of really doing something about it, I'm going to blog about it!

But, do you know how it is? When you haven't talked to someone in sooo long and you just don't know where to start? Are they going to be happy to hear from you or is it too late to make up for lost time? They're still there in your mind, you think about them quite a bit more than they think you do. You want to call, you want to write, but... you just put it off a little longer.

With me, this usually refers to family members. I know, staying in touch with the family is a good and responsible thing to do. Our family has a bit of a problem with communication though. I think that can be okay, as long as everyone accepts it. Like some families I know don't spend a lot of time on the phone with each other and only see each other every few months, but everyone's okay with that. In my case, it pisses people off and hurts their feelings. But you don't know my family! My older brothers have been known to take off without a trace for months at a time, but it's not okay for me. It's too much to explain here, but we're big on the guilt trips and not coming out and expressing our feelings. So, for example if my brothers and I haven't talked for a while, my mom starts nagging me to call them or my dad tries getting them to call me or write me. (For the record, I was almost always the one to take the lead in communication with my brothers, eventually I just got tired of it.)My mom will bug me about talking to my dad on a regular basis, and my dad in turn tells me to spend more time with my mom - even though these two have been divorced for nearly 20 years! They mean well, most of the time.

Sometimes I still find myself avoiding them. As awful as it is, and as guilty as it makes me feel, I know I should just let it go and call. The damn Catholic guilt gets me. I know there are a lot of dysfunctional families worse than mine and I should be grateful that they do want to keep in touch with me, and that I even have parents. But sometimes there's really nothing going on in my life that I care to tell them about. Things that make me happy do not usually make them happy for me. They also have heard for years about my depression and anxiety and while they try to understand, they still make me feel at times like it's my fault and I should just brush it off. I still get preached to and given strong suggestions and comments that make me feel as if they are terribly disappointed in me, although I'm really doing better than I had been over the last few years. It's still not what they wanted, and it's never enough. So why would I want to walk right into that situation if I don't have to?

I know, I've gotta stop being a coward and just deal with it. I've got to speak up for myself instead of taking all the hurt and shame and anger upon myself. So umm, maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

Memories from a childhood picture

1. The dining room and part of the kitchen had that "trippy if you stare at it too long" wallpaper pattern. I think it's called houndstooth. That's one of those words that usually refers to a pattern on clothing, yet it just doesn't sound quite right. Like herringbone.
   
2. Look at that! A double decker cage, pretty pimped out in there with that wheel and.... umm.... a tube, and... well, what more do they need? Those were my brother's gerbils, named Bernard & Bianca. Let's not talk about Bernard's demise. Let's not.
   
3. I know you're jealous of my badass pink velour pantsuit.
   
4. Dad's record cabinet, a few that I remember are The Beatles' first album, The Rolling Stones first album, Donovan, The Ventures and The Four Seasons.
   
5. Back in the day, you'd be in big trouble if you messed with the record player.
6. It's hard to see, but that's our infamous green shag carpet, which covered a good portion of the house. This was the kind of shag carpet that requires a carpet rake. Seriously, a carpet rake. Fluff it up for company, you know.

Bahhhh Tuesday

I don't know about today. Maybe it's the back to work after a long weekend blues. Maybe it's that I didn't get much sleep last night. Maybe I just want to laze about some more while not dealing with real life. I feel like I'm on the verge of a very bad mood. That doesn't do anyone any good, so I better just snap out of it!
I'm a brunette now. I don't know if it suits me, but I just wanted to take a break from my usual red. Brown always looks too dark at first, but hopefully it's not too freaky. My guy did a very nice job as he always does. He makes sure he gets it even, doesn't drip it in my eyes and is careful about not pulling too much. Very sweet and patient. I hope he knows how much I appreciate it.
I'm trying to work on some posts, really! I feel bad for not keeping up with my writing, but then again you all don't need to be reading pages and pages of blah-de-blah like this. Sometimes I just don't have much to say that makes any sense. Bear with me, I'm cleaning out the cobwebs.

I won't even say it

Dreamweaver

Are you too into blogging if you dream about blogging and other bloggers?

It's just kinda funny cause I build you people up in my mind like you're celebrities - well, in the way that I try to imagine what you're like in real life but there's a very slim chance of really knowing. So you're almost at the same imaginary level. Well anyways, last night I had a dream that I met HemisphereDancer and he was so nice! Oh shush, we just talked! I think we were both heading down South to help rescue people. He didn't have an accent, I don't know if he really does but I was all talking like I was from the U.P. like "oh yaah, doncha know" even though I don't really talk like that unless I'm imitating someone. Anyways, it was pretty cool. There have been other dreams about more of you out there.... I will try to write something about them when they happen so you can be embarrassed too! Yay!

Two glass eyes

Today I was all like "heyyyy, I like that shirrrrt"
And he was all "yeah? aw, well it's good for going out in, but not good for work - glad I don't have to see any clients today"
And I was all "naw, it's cool, it's cool"
and he was all shaking his head
Then a couple hours later, I'm all "no really, I really like that shirt, man" and proceed to stare at the chest hair that is peeking out the top and he probably sees me staring cause I think I'm less obvious than I am
But is chest hair like something you're supposed to politely avert your eyes from?
Then I thought about what he must think of how I dress for work if he considered himself dressed down.
And then I felt bad.

And.... this story isn't even related to how this morning I thought I had a detached retina!
Crazy stuff.
Bad, bad eyes.

Everybody poops

My sinuses are burning. Get me out of here.
Have you experienced this? Maybe you're lucky enough that your office isn't located right across from the damn bathroom. I understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go, but damnit people! It's like you purposely wait to shit until you get to work! There's a pack of matches on the back of the toilet that someone keeps lighting when they're in there. Great, so then the place smells like shit on fire. I can only hope for some small explosion to occur. Then there's the air freshener. You notice that whatever air freshener is in the bathroom for an extended period of time, no matter how good it smelled at first - after multiple uses it becomes revolting? It's bad enough that the wildebeest craps in there 3 times a day, but if only it were easier to ignore. Even if I keep my office door closed, the smell comes blowing through the air vents. Permeating my lungs, my nostrils, my eyes. I had a perfectly good breakfast bar that I now do not want to eat. I will also note that the air freshener of choice in there is a spray that I swear is a combination of curry, original Listerine, old man aftershave and cloves. And you can just imagine how great that is combined with you know, crap.

Maybe I'll just...

A note to the FedEx guys...

A good way to start a conversation with the meek-looking girl at the front desk would be to not repeatedly comment "Aww, they left you here all alone" and "So you're here all by yourself right?" while getting closer and looking shifty.
Every time someone says that it makes me cringe.

Come to think of it, it's not just FedEx guys, it's also the phone company guys and door to door solicitors - can't forget them! The UPS guys are always very polite though. I'm tight with the mailman too, he's cool.
I'm just a little paranoid.
Good thing I've got an itchy trigger finger and nothing to lose...
just kidding.

Marketing Madness

I had to mention the latest hair product I've tried - Herbal Essences Citrus Lift Let Loose Detangling Spray. I've been impressed with the results and yeah, it smells nice and citruslike...but that's not the point. I find their instuctions amusing.
Directions: Spray lusciously all over your damp or dry hair.
How do you spray lusciously? I mean, I try to be as luscious with the spray as possible, but what am I supposed to do, make the "O" face? Also note that your bathroom floor will become lusciously smooth as well, as in slippery as fuck! Be careful!

Can't Hang

Have you heard this song yet? I mean, it's been out for a while now. But if you can appreciate rap parody humor and iTunes, please check it out. You know Dr. Dre must've laughed his ass off, or at least I hope so. Plus, Ben Folds is some good stuff.

I think I need to drink more. Or just get better at drinking. I don't like beer, not just 'cause I'm a girly-girl but it gives me the shudders and makes my kidneys hurt. My drink has become a vodka & cranberry juice, sometimes with flavored vodka. The one I got the other night was cranberry juice with a shot of rubbing alcohol. And the waitress corrected me "oh, a vodka-cran?" yeah, that's a snazzy little abbreviation there lady. Kind of like when my mom made us crack up by saying "I'll have a glass of zin" because she's just so hip. I don't say that sarcastically, my mom goes out with her cool single friends more than I do. Gotta love it.

Anyways, unlike most people I know, I'm pretty much a wuss when it comes to drinking. BUT more than one person can vouch for the fact that in my prime, I was the shmoke-dawwwg. Roll up another doober! Puff puff pass! Oh, but that's not okay with a lot of people or you know, society. Back to the drinking. You would think that someone with a history of alcoholism in their family would be able to throw back a few and not even feel it, but I'm such a lightweight. I have so little knowledge with the subject too. So when I go out sometimes I forget that I'm way past legal drinking age. I'm the dork ordering a diet coke.

I wonder if alcohol just affects me differently than other people. Like I can feel this burning sensation running through the veins in my arms, then my arms feel really heavy. I think it depends on the kind of alcohol too. Sometimes I can feel it travelling through my body and it feels like poison, burning everything along it's path. It used to hurt my lower back, but that doesn't happen so much anymore. Maybe my liver is crap. Once in a while I get that hazy feeling that other people enjoy while drinking. I can get a little lovey-dovey but usually I'm just as shy as before. I can't pass things off as "oh, I just said that cause I was really wasted"...but I'd like to! I'd like to enjoy it and be carefree. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and he's still hoping to one day see me totally wasted. The closest we've gotten was one time when I said I'd drive us home in his car, and then proceeded to smash my face into the door frame as I was getting in. The impact was directly to my browbone and it hurt like a mofo. He thought I was just fucking around not unlocking the other door for him and came around to see why I was simultaneously crying and laughing like a maniac. I pulled my hand away from my eye and there was blood on my hand as well as running down my face. He was a little shocked and immediately went into his sweet helpful boyfriend mode. (As he has often had to do, since I can be slightly accident-prone). I looked in the mirror and laughed some more, getting blood and mascara in my eye. If that wasn't a sign from God that I shouldn't have been thinking about driving, I don't know what is! He sobered up quickly, found me some paper towel to put on my face and drove us home. I'm not that proud of that story but of course had to tell it many a time as my face healed.
But the really lame part? I had had ONE drink. ONE! Yes, it was on an empty stomach and yes they had given me the nice Grey Goose vodka, but still!
Then again, I am a clutz and could very well have done the same thing without any inebriation.

You know what August 24th means?

Go go go go....I'm a shortie and it's my birfday.

I've got the day off of work, which is pretty cool. There are things I need to accomplish though.

• sleep in (accomplished)
  
• have lunch with mom
• go to the secretary of state (or DMV as you may call it in your state) and give those fuckers way too much money to get my vehicle registration renewed
• prepare for upcoming apartment inspection (ie: hide unmentionables, clean up dirty dishes/laundry); get pissed that they even do this inspection shit every year
• blog/email
• become inebriated in one way or another
• ????
  

We'll see how I do!

I fear change...

Alright, so we're trying to quit smoking. By "we" I mean, my boyfriend hasn't had a smoke since Saturday, decided to get the patches and I'm very proud of him. Then there's me. Granted I didn't smoke as much to begin with, but I haven't completely quit. So I didn't really want to tell people like "Hey! Yay for me, I'm quitting smoking...pretty much" and have them tell me I suck and that doesn't count. But it's been on my mind, so I decided to share. I think I'm doing okay so far. I would normally smoke between 10-15 cigarettes a day and now I'm down to 4 or 5. I know I might be dragging this out longer, but then according to research it's better for women to quit at a certain time during their cycle, that I don't think I'm in right now. Shut up, it's true! I also haven't bought any more of my usual brand, so the smokes I do have are lighter and less enjoyable. So we're eating a lot of snacks, but getting out of the house more too. The bad thing is, I was big on snacks anyway. I'm a bad influence. I'm normally not one to think one should deprive themselves of things they enjoy. I'm an enabler. I do want to be supportive though, it's the right thing to do. He's handling it really well so far and hasn't gotten mad when I breakdown and go outside to smoke, but I feel guilty about it anyway.
We'll see how it goes. I do like the idea of having more money to spare, not having my hair get stinky, and all the medical reasons too. It's been 9 years and I've never REALLY tried to quit. I should have more faith in myself, cause even though I'm terribly easily addictable, there's also part of my personality that naturally wants to punish myself and deprive myself of things. Fucked up, I know - but it all works out I guess.

Nap dreams are lame

You know what happens when I take a nap with my contacts still on?
I usually wake up feeling like shit.
I have fucked up dreams. This afternoon's dream was that I somehow got to meet Adam Sessler of G4. I was all excited and jumped up to give him a hug. I was being complimentary and flirty almost. All up on him and stuff. He was quite gracious. Then I made the mistake of getting curious about his PSP (not a sexual innuendo - playstation portable) and he literally slapped my hand away. He said he couldn't risk getting my dirty little fingers on the screen and was a real dick about it. It made me sad and embarrassed. The end.
Oh, but back to the sleeping with my contacts in - does this happen to anyone else? I mean, I'll pass out with them on, and then when I wake up I'll feel dizzy and like I'm going to throw up. I also will not have a very restful nap. I wonder if somehow the contacts interfere with the REM and that's why I feel all shitty when I wake up. But I don't know. Just a thought.
Oh, and it also feels great to wake up feeling like there's bunched up plastic wrap stuck to your eyeballs. Or some old fruit roll-ups.
Yeah, I gotta stop passing out like that.