Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Skin Care

So, last night we were at Target (by the way, I found this blog dedicated to being obsessed with Target - how cool!) and I was seriously considering some new face care products. Yes, I realize this may be pretty boring to the guys out there, or anyone for that matter. Bear with me.

I've never had an actual facial. I write this and chuckle. Shut up, you know what I mean. Speaking of which, I am SO glad that the time my mom was over and we were looking for a picture on my guy's computer, she didn't ask what the folder titled "facial" was for. Heyyy-O!

Alright, out of the gutter. So it seems like lately the big hubub is all alpha-hydroxy this and microdermabrasion that. I am getting older, and I don't know where to start. Those microdermabrasion kits are kinda expensive and look like an Acuvibe for your face. They come with some exfoliating scrub and some sponge applicators that you put on the vibrator thingy and then go to town on your face. They claim to take about 10 years off. I saw a makeover show recently where someone had this professionally done, and it is really like they just sand off a layer of your face. It did give that person a nice healthy glow, but damn. Don't forget that I'm cheap. I already have lots of half used skin care products that didn't do much of what they said. Would it just be the same if I used some gritty face scrub and scrubbed really hard? Or if I just used some sandpaper? I'm not ruining a perfectly good vibrator with that stuff though.

Speaking of skincare, don't you love that commercial for ProActiv with Jessica Simpson? "In my videos, they had to go in and digitally *fix* my face" but it sounds like that quote was digitally *fixed*. And I love it when she does that pouty little girl look and says "my skin needed to be disciplined." Fuckin...Anyway.

Speaking of skincare and masturbation... At one of my old jobs, I had a couple crazy older ladies ask me how I took care of my skin. (Not even MaryKay reps either this time!) Uhh... I take birth control pills and use a gentle foaming cleanser? Well then one of them wanted to write down what products I use and what makeup I wear and all that. The other lady (on a separate occasion) told me that washing your face is the worst thing you can do for it. So she would just smear her face with vaseline instead. I didn't take her suggestion. She said another thing that was good to use is a Waterpik with really cold water blasting on your face. She then tells me the Waterpik is also good for personal pleasure when her husband's not around, wink wink. And yes, this was all at the drive-thru window. I was repeating this story later to my boyfriend and mixing up the details and told him "this old lady told me to masturbate with an icepik!" A look of horror came over his face and I realized what I had said. Oops.
Well anyway, I didn't buy one of those sanding kits. Sweet, tired, wanting-to-get-the-hell-out-of-Target boyfriend said "all you need to do to look 10 years younger is to smile" Aww.

8 comments:

Dwight Chisholm said...

Smile, and get a facial.

SayUnderpants said...

I'm a freak about skincare products - I inherited the trait from my mother who always had a virtual spa's worth of products obscuring the surface of her bathroom counter.

I've been thinking about buying that Neutrogena Microdermabrasion system-thing, too. Except, in the commerials, the lady hawking the product (Kelly Preston) really does look like she's mastubating her own face - and it's kinda...wierd...

Van! said...

if you would like...I would give you a protein wash

Chicken Little said...

I really did laugh out loud about the icepick! Thanks for the good chuckle!

Blush said...

you are hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Ha! All of you are wrong I say!!! WRONG!!! I use a mix of gravel and dirt from the local dirt farm. Works just great.


BER

Jim said...

ooooooooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HemisphereDancer said...

Your boyfriend has a folder on his desktop that says "facial"?

Gives a whole new meaning to "face cream", now doesn't it?