I told ya I was trouble

Yeah, that's right - I'm old as hell! Well, comparatively...
So I added a new CD (yeah, I got it all legit from a store and everything!) to my collection, it's by Amy Winehouse. She's pretty badass, but other than that I don't know how to describe her really. She's British, and at first I thought she was like a Nelly Furtado but with edge, but I'm sure that doesn't do her justice. The music has kind of a jazzy, old-school R&B feel sometimes, and her voice tends to remind me of Lauryn Hill but with even more 'tude. Anyway. Here's a link to her video "Rehab" which is one of the catchiest tracks on the album. Oh! But the whole point was that I got CARDED before the girl (probably high-school age) would even ring it up! I'm assuming because it had an explicit lyrics sticker on it? Pshht. Bollocks, I say!

Snarky "Idol" Notes
Ok, last time I mentioned it, I was a bit harsh on Gwen Stefani. She was pretty nice and subdued with the coaching though. It's too bad that the people who did choose her songs picked the worst possible ones - I think even she thought so. And apparently no one has ever heard The Cure's "Lovesong" as performed by 311? Because that's all that Blake did - and not even very well, so please quit telling him he's so fresh and original. But unfortunately, one of my personal faves, Chris Richardson (you know - the Timberlake wannabe) wasn't too impressive either. I was also sort of hoping that Haley would start maybe doing better - but her performance was totally WEAK, and I'm starting to think she's probably kind of a bitch. I'm actually liking Phil more and more - as long as I just forget about that revolting Leann Rimes song he did a while back. And I already told you I wouldn't really miss Chris Sligh if he left, I was surprised other people felt the same way.

Thinly-Veiled Criticisms
They're right up there with back-handed compliments. Don't do it. Just don't. Especially around me, because I'm fucking paranoid and self-conscious and on the lookout for criticisms anyway. Some people may think they can do this cleverly, but it's usually just immature and obnoxious. Example: Former friend & co-worker, whose hobby was inflicting as much psychological grief on others as possible (um, yeah - I have no better name for her) would say things loudly to other people, but in my direction, such as "well the only color I can't stand is pink - I HATE pink, I don't know how ANYONE could wear it" knowing full well that I'm standing right there with a pink shirt on. Ahaha! Good one, bitch! What're we in, 4th grade? Oh, her comments got better than that, but it's one of the most blatant remarks that came to mind. So when my boss goes on for half an hour about what a lazy piece of crap his cousin (seemingly nice guy, btw) is because he sleeps in on the weekends (God forbid!) and is too selfish to have children, therefore has no purpose in life, (don't get me started!) I will of course, think that it's the same kind of shit he thinks about me. And now that I write it out, I don't care so much - just proves that he's the kind of dick who feels better about himself saying shit like that about other people. Nevermind.

Hold your horses

My dreams have just been rich with action-packed nonsense lately. If I'm not having some sort of nightmare, then it still has to be something ridiculous and/or frustrating. Like trying to jack off two guys at the same time, but one is saying "faster" while the other one is insisting "slow down" and realizing that I'm really not ambidextrous after all, so somebody's out of luck.

My head hurts when it's rainy out, like today

• Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker? Did things get weird? Do people even do that anymore these days? There was a guy on the side of the road with a sign that said "airport" yesterday on my way to work and I felt horribly guilty because I was going right past the airport, but didn't stop. But you know, I have to say that whole unabomber look he had going on didn't help his chances.
• My man brought home some Mayan Chocolate Haagen Dazs last night (because yeah, he RULES!) I normally don't get too excited about chocolate ice cream, but it's dark chocolate, plus it has a gooey ripple and cinnamon in it - it was different and actually quite tasty.
• And for the usual American Idol notes: I don't think I'd miss Chris Sligh or Gina Glocksen too much if either of them got the boot, along with the obligatory Sanjaya. But you know, I do think that last night Sanjaya really did "bring it" as much as he possibly could, and at least he let go a little bit - not to say that made the singing much better. I'm not as big a fan of Haley's as I had been earlier in the competition, but like everyone says she did look pretty foxy up there. I kept wondering if we were going to get a glimpse of some side-boob in that shirt - nope! Right now, I'm really hoping Jordin Sparks stays up there as one of the top contenders. And my god, did they get enough shots of that starstruck girl crying in the audience? But I remember that feeling and probably would've done the same thing - but then again I'd nearly hyperventilate even over boys in the highschool talent show.
  
• Our cat has The Softest belly fur ever. And he'll even let you pet it without attacking your hand, unless he's really pissed off.
  
• Yep, I really am this boring.
  

Someone's got dirty ears!

Well, we'll see how much the sweet kitty likes us after 2 frickin weeks of ear medicine twice a day. He's been really good about it so far though, considering. Can't say I wouldn't be a little pissed about having a bunch of refrigerated oily medicine dropped into my ears either - ughh!

We've pretty much decided on the name "Jonesy" for him. Though I do think "Mr. Furley" would be a pretty damn cute cat name too, though I'd probably be worried if he really had much resemblance to Don Knotts (no offense to the deceased, but you know what I mean.) But anyway, I'm just silly like that.

I'm not sure if I like this stage of American Idol that much. I mean, I guess a lot of them picked pretty shitty songs to begin with but at least they knew the songs a bit better that way when they weren't confined to certain selections. Still, I can see how that may keep the competition exciting. If the kids are going to work with Bon Jovi that should be um, kind of interesting - just don't let them do any songs off that most recent album PLEASE. Oh and you'll probably hate me for saying this, but how the fuck is Gwen Stefani going to coach anyone? Unless they all really need advice about how to perform with the expression of a bratty, pouting 4 year old. Will Chris Sligh try to be funny and pain us with his take on "I'm Just A Girl"? I guess Chris Richardson could probably kick it with "Hella Good" (but more likely my lesser favorite Blake Lewis would take that one) and maybe the girls could sing some of her other songs better than the original, so maybe that would be entertaining after all. But alright, I'll digress with my grumblings and just see what happens.

Did I ever tell you that one of my former coworkers would repeatedly call Justin Timberlake "Jason Timbaland"? That would crack me up every time. She'd also refer to Kurt Cobain as Kirk Colburn or something like that. We were joking about that last night while watching... what's his name? Bryan Seachest? Anyway, maybe it was funnier after throwing back a few.

Alright, I'm even boring myself at this point. See ya.

It's a cat!

Would you just look at our new fuzzy friend? We just got him yesterday afternoon and already he's warmed up to us (and the loveseat) quite nicely. Very laid back and snuggly. His name is yet to be decided. He is just so cool, and we are so happy to have him. Yay!

Random birding

This note for my boss pretty much explains the excitement I had at the office Friday - because really, that's about how exciting it gets. One of the fun things about having the office in an old house I suppose. Of course, when I'm alone has to be when this stuff happens. That might be a good thing, as I don't exactly trust the other occupants here to be as humane in those situations. I have no idea how the bird got in or how long he had been chillin' in the fake plants, but that sure woke me up when I walked by and it fluttered over my head! But hey, at least it didn't poop on me.

There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you

I don't know. Just haven't been feelin it lately. I thought I wanted to explain my feelings, but then again I don't really want to show you how stupid they are. More than I already do. Blah.

We went to a couple pet adoption events this weekend. It was craziness. And by that I mean the people, not so much the pets. Still no cat to call my own, but I haven't lost hope. In fact I've invested way too much time into getting my hopes up even when it's not really necessary. Trying not to be discouraged. We'll find the right one, or the right one will find us. I just need to be patient.

Please let this winter crap be over soon.

Shortened version of my two cents even though it doesn't matter at this point

This is the first season that I've been watching American Idol, for the most part. Oh shutup, I need something to look forward to, damnit! Anyway, I had started doing a overly-detailed recap of the last two night's performances, but for your sake and mine I'll try to shorten that up a bit and just comment on some of them. Okay, most of them. Here's my rundown:

Jared Cotter - yeah, dedicating "Let's Get It On" to your folks is pretty um, awkward? So was the song performance. He's alright but I think he'd do better as an underwear model or something.

AJ Tabaldo - now he's a pretty darn good singer, but the moves he does make me feel sort of embarrassed for him. I think he'll do well, but I just hope he doesn't do that shaking his arms over his head thing anymore.

Sanjaya Malakar - wow, that was just really weak. It seems like he's a nice kid with nice teeth and all, but I almost wonder if he's purposely failing out of guilt for his sister not making it. He really doesn't seem like he's giving it his all, or he's just not good at conveying emotion. I was surprised he made it after last time, and really wonder if he'll be around after tonight.

Nick Pedro - he did okay, but I really hated all the corny shots where they cut to the drummer during his song. Pfft. He's pretty cute, and that was a pretty good song choice for him - but he just doesn't have the vocal talent that some of the others have.

Blake Lewis - everyone seems to be on this guy's nuts in love with him. You know, I want to like him, but last week he did a really weak "Somewhere Only We Know" and this week he did "Virtual Insanity" - both of which are songs that I like, and I just don't think he did them as well as they gave him credit for, or that he gave himself credit for. Sure he's got the novelty of beat-boxing, but his singing could use some help. Still, I'm sure he'll stay in the competition for quite a while.

Chris Richardson - that was my favorite performance of the night. I missed him last week, so I didn't really know the extent of how well this guy can sing and perform. I want to hear more of him.

Gina Glocksen - you know, I've tried singing that "Alone" song on our American Idol Karaoke game at home, and it is a tough one. But I think she thought so too, because up until the end she was sort of shortening/skipping over all the tough notes that she could've really shown off with. But, I like her more than I did last week.

Alaina Alexander - she's a great flirt and really cute, but she just doesn't have the stamina or something, because again she sounds like she's running out of breath when she performs. A lot better than last week, but I wonder how much longer she'll stay.

Lakisha Jones - represent! Didn't really bring it like she did last week, but it goes without saying she has got one hell of a strong voice.

Melinda Doolittle - yep, she's a sweetheart and very modest about being one of the best singers there. But they've given shit to other girls about age, and I'm sorta surprised they haven't mentioned this one looking and sounding like she's 45. Not that it's a bad thing. I'm just sayin.

Antonella Barba - I don't even want to talk about her supposed "scandal" - she's just not that great of a singer and hasn't been from the beginning. But hey, she did hit the high note of that awful song and it was better than butchering Aerosmith last week. Don't worry about her - she can always do modeling instead.

Stephanie Edwards - I didn't like the song this time, but she's probably still safe. And they're right - she can do a hella-good Beyonce imitation.

Leslie Hunt - I don't know why exactly, but I just want to smack this girl. She's kind of one of those girls that has been given way too much positive reinforcement (probably from daddykins - just watch him shooting daggers at any negative comment from the judges) to be like "I'm FUNNY! I'm SPECIAL and different! Don't you get it? I am so wacky and funny - lookit me! Woo woo! Hahaha I am so great!" But still, it was way better than last week. Even though she did a song that's already been DONE recently. Feh.

Haley Scarnato - I think this girl is hot (or she could be), and I felt bad for her last week so I see why she wanted to do a really different style of song to show that she wasn't all "cabaret" or whatever they said. That didn't mean she had to pick an awful song though! Hopefully she'll be able to redeem herself.

My guesses as to who will be voted off? Or who probably should be? I'm gonna have to go with Sanjaya, Brandon, Alaina and Antonella. But I don't usually do well with guessing what the general public wants. We'll see!

- Update: Damn, I only guessed one right! I think everyone was a little surprised at a couple choices of who was safe to stay. And I feel kinda bad for my bitchy comments, because it is sad when any of them has to leave and they do all have somethin or another going for them. Ah well, they'll all be fine and successful I'm sure. I think Sanjaya was about as surprised as I was that he didn't get the boot! I'm tellin ya, I think he wants to go home at this point! Also, it was odd that the 2 peeps who sang the same song were both voted off. Thought Nick was a great sport about his dismissal. And damn, did they get in enough shots of Sundance crying last night?

Do you have to let it linger?

Have you ever even heard of, much less drank, Ten High Whiskey? Yeah, no - you need to look further down on the liquor shelves. There you go. Anyway, it came highly recommended to us so what choice do we have but to drink it, right? It's best if you just take a deep breath and swallow it as quickly as possible without trying to taste it. (That's what she said.) Then feel the fire. And later, while burping, wonder if the term "sour mash" means it was made from sour mashed rotten bananas. No, no really - you should try it.

A nice note to tack on after that is that I'm having a really hard time dealing, just with life right now. But when am I not? And when am I not telling you about it? I know, I'm sick of it too. So to throw myself into something that would make me happy, I've been looking around, okay maybe a bit obsessively, at pets online who are up for adoption and falling in love at first sight with cats that I don't even know, who might already have been adopted by now (because it was hard to tell how often these sites get updated.) And I've been wanting to go and fill up a shopping cart full of these sweet little kitties, and a few of the dogs too. But. I really should hold myself back and try to be rational. Plus, at nearly $100 a pop (to include their medical fees), it's not even feasible that I can go on some kind of pet shopping spree. We'll see. There are a couple adoption events this weekend, maybe we'll go check them out. Also, it would probably be good for me to consider doing something admirable like Fluffy Cat does and volunteer or help out somehow with a local animal shelter or rescue program. Maybe I should allow us more time to mourn. I just don't know.

Also, is it really so bad to have your cats front-declawed if you are planning on keeping them as an inside cat? I didn't realize there is so much opposition to that, but I've only ever had indoor cats who were already front-declawed when we got them.

"Workin wit me: fire n' ice"

Yesterday I was thinking that sheesh, I'm 28 years old and I still don't think I'm ready to deal with the real world. I get incredibly pissed off with situations at work and just don't know how to handle them - end up coming off as passive/aggressive and it's just not good. And then of course, I don't leave things at work but take it all personal and let it bother me when I'm home. I need to desensitize myself a bit.

BUT at least when I was sitting there thinking I should just bite my tongue and/or swallow my pride, I thought "hey - at least I do have a bit of pride to swallow, when I would've thought I had none at all."

So, that's something. I guess.

Gravity

Having a tough time pulling myself out of the muck. February usually tends to be a crap month for me anyway. But today the sun is shining and it's in the 30s, so by God I should be a little perked up by that. Still there's that nagging undercurrent of sadness, negativity and all that fun stuff pulling at me. Sometimes it's like I'm treading water - just barely staying afloat but not really getting anywhere. But anyway.

Our beloved cat passed away this weekend. She hadn't been doing too well for quite some time, and she was an estimated 14 years old (we've owned her for about 5 of those years) so of course we knew this was coming, but it still hurts so much to say goodbye to a pet. You know how it is. She brought us a lot of happiness though, more than I can properly explain here, and the memories will not be forgotten. When we first got her, her former owners had said she "just doesn't purr" and it didn't take long for us to prove them wrong. Aww. Such a wonderful cat. Our cat. She will be missed, to say the least.

Habby Baledtide's Day!

May your Valentine's Day be frost-free, pleasant-smelling, snuggly-soft, non-toxic, easy-to-operate, sexually-gratifying, low-brow, highly-inebriating, self-cleaning, flavor-enhanced, and minimally-invasive.

(With a low occurrence of unpleasant side-effects such as weakness, nausea, nervousness, irritability and loss of bladder-control.)

Well then, they don't like you either

To each their own and all, but these people (yeah, those people) who are indifferent to animals perplex me. I mean, it's not like we're all morally obligated to own lots of pets or rescue little critters or be interested in every kind of animal. And sure, there are reasons why people might not be able to have pets in their living situation. But just not liking ANY animals, in general? Couldn't care less if they existed or not? Have you experienced this? Do you know these people? I guess I just wonder if there is some underlying reason. A couple people that I've known who have this attitude have terrible allergies, which explains why they never really got the chance to bond with an animal, but they also seemed to develop a contempt for them. Doesn't matter if it's a cat, dog, bird, turtle, koala (how can you possibly hate a koala?) etc. Like, they wouldn't hit the brakes if one was crossing the road, and wouldn't understand why a person would be upset about the loss of a family pet, and don't understand why anyone would keep them around. To me, it just seems really cold and I have to admit, it sort of changes my perception of that person. Ahem. (Points at office across the hall)
But, then again, that might be how people feel about me when I tell them I have no interest in sports.

Sometimes it's like I'm not even here

Yes, I'm pouting and
yes I realize that it's somewhat ridiculous
and doesn't help anything.
BUT.
I'm telling you, dear internets, anyway.
Most of the time I don't mind just blending in
to the point of being nearly nonexistent.
Most of the time I don't mind being someone's sounding board -
most of the time what they have to say is more interesting/important anyway.
BUT.
Sometimes
I just want to scream
Damnit,
am
I
really
so
invisible,
or
just
conveniently
negligible
to you?

neg·li·gi·ble
adjective
so small, trifling, or unimportant that it may safely be neglected or disregarded

Raargh!

(and um... sorry for that pouty vertical rant)

Sunburst & Snowblind

Well, the winter storm advisory is over, but picking up where that left off is a wind-chill advisory (it's 10 below but the wind-chill is at a painful 30 below) - which means you best bundle that ass up, for reals now!

We stayed in all weekend, not that we HAD to, but who wants to go out in this shit when you've got food, booze, and all the comforts of home right there, you know?

This morning was a frigid, white-knuckled drive in to work but it's been worse. You get really thankful for spots where you can actually see the road. And stop. Very grateful for stopping abilities.

I finished reading Fear of Flying by Erica Jong and I have to say I really enjoyed it. Sex, relationships, psychoanalysis and insight = good stuff. Even though I think this was originally published in '73 and was quite "shocking" at the time, it's really held up over the years, and even though it doesn't seem so controversial now, it's just a great read. I think a lot of you blogging buddies would enjoy it too. But you probably already knew that, it just shows I've got a lot of catching up to do on books I've wanted to read for years.

I need more coffee. And maybe a couple of pipin' hot burritos to put in my shoes. Brr!

And You Know It Don't Come Easy

I don't feel right. Has the unhappiness settled into a ball in my stomach? Because it hurts from somewhere below my chest all the way down. Last night was awful, and I remember not feeling too well the previous evening either, but it subsides a bit in the morning. I want to say it's different than the tummy problems I've had before, but I'm not sure. Maybe it's a premonition. Maybe it's nothing.

This is really pathetic, but I'll say it anyway. I feel like I'm pining for this sense of normalcy that I perceive other adults as having. Of course, my perception has been known to be skewed. Even though my life has come a long way from how it was even 5 years ago, I don't feel like I'm there yet. I just want to get to this ideal I have of being "comfortable" which really just includes things that are nothing to most people. Like, when your car has something wrong with it - you just take it to the shop, no question. Or your husband just takes care of it. It's not like you probably had money saved and set aside just for that, but you KNOW that it will be taken care of somehow without meaning that all your other bills will have to go unpaid. And it will be worth it to fix because it's a relatively good car. Or you just go to the dentist twice a year, even when nothing is wrong, because that's just what people do. Or I should say, that's what people with dental insurance do. Oh and they definitely wouldn't be wearing old glasses or contacts either. But, before I go to off the deep end, I know and have to remember that things could be much worse. Hell, they were a whole lot worse. We're never short on food, or shelter, or even home entertainment. And I know most of the time people don't reach that state of comfort that I'm thinking of overnight. That's why they work hard at bettering themselves. I know. I just feel like I'm really far behind in a race that I'm not even qualified to participate in. Don't be offended. I know it doesn't come easy. That doesn't mean that we don't sometimes wish that it would, though!

I'll take my music uncensored and my pants untapered, thanks

Oh you know, same ol' same ol' over here. The dull headache that comes with Mondays is in effect and I'm just gonna ramble to you...

Irish Creme was not a good coffee choice. I don't know about you, but while I do enjoy some flavored creamers in my coffee, I'm almost always disappointed when the coffee itself is flavored. Huh.

The hair-coloring hiatus I had been on for a year is now over (not just because of the boss/gray hair incident, but that was a painful helpful reminder) and thanks to the fiance's handiwork I'm back to rockin the reddish-brown hair again instead of my natural golden brown. Probably will just end up being more obvious when I do have a lingering gray hair, but for now - whatev.

Is it nice to live in one of those states where you don't have to give a shit about recycling aluminum cans? With a ten cent refund each, it's like a lame-ass savings plan for us, just one that creates clutter and hassle instead of earned interest.

We ventured out to the WalMart this weekend - which, as usual, turned out to be a bad idea. You go in there and it's like you're sucked into this strange vortex that transcends space and time. I mean, I wonder if you were just dropped into any one of these stores across the country if you could tell at all - by checking out the merchandise and your fellow shoppers - what state you were in, or even what year it was? Speculation says that once inside it is permanently backwoods Indiana 1989. Oh, I kid, I kid. But there is even a specific dialect to this store along with it's own breed of disaffected, disgruntled employees. I don't know how many other places in Michigan we've ever heard this much use of "y'all" and "dudn't" - while it's endearing coming from an actual southerner, it just feels sort of awkward and out of place when you hear it from people up here. It's not like I think I'm above this store or anything, if that's where it seems I'm going with this (not much of anywhere, really). I'm all about the bargain & clearance shopping, I'm just saying that this place makes my beloved Target seem like even more of a peaceful utopia by comparison.

Oh, I know - so negative! And I didn't even get to the parts about the dumping of snow we've had, financial woes, premarital woes, or pending car issues! I'll try to end this on a positive note by saying that yes, the Nintendo Wii really is as cute and amusing as they say it is. And that it doesn't have to be summertime to enjoy a nice strong mojito.

Vote of Confidence

So, earlier today my boss comes in to get a file and give instructions. I'm sitting at my desk while he is standing up behind me. We're discussing one of our clients when he rather suddenly stops mid-sentence and glares at the top of my head.

"Hey, I'm sorry but you have THE loongest nappiest gray hair riiight there..."

and before I can even properly respond to this embarrassment, he just YANKS, then looks at his hand and says "oops, well at least I got it..." as he hands me this little clump of about 5 or 6 hairs (ouch) that he pulled! Then he just shrugs and walks out as I ponder what the hell kind of facial expression this situation deserves.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

ANYWAY. I'm sorry about that. That'll show me to do an internal monologue-ish thing without proofreading it. But on the other hand, you know, I'm sick of being sorry for everything I do. And it's just a blog.

I thought I was going to have jury doodie today, and believe it or not, I actually kind of had my hopes up about it. The website for jury information even had quotes from past jurors to attest that the whole thing didn't completely suck ass. One quote just said "They had coffee and it was FREE!" and I was gonna be all about dat. But oh well. No need to report. Regular old day. Apparently, yesterday was supposed to be the shittiest day of the year or something (I'm surprised I didn't start my period), so at least we're past that now, eh?

It'll all be fine.

"Delivery for... I.C. Weiner?"

Well, it is kind of pretty out when everything has a fine coating of ice on it. I'm so grateful for having a garage, especially at times like this. And for the moment, my car is acting fine (despite being in and out of the shop 3 times for not starting) although it's hard to tell if or when it'll act up again. The fun thing is when it's so iced up out there that the traffic lights don't work and no one knows what to do. A four-way stop ends up being an impromptu game of chicken. Whee!

So, we got the American Idol Karaoke Revolution game last weekend. The judges' comments get annoying after a while - as they do on the actual show. It's bad enough having a rusty and out of tune voice, but when you don't know the song that well either, it can really be painful. (The cat's ears were back and hopefully no one walking by could hear me from outside.) We had fun with it though. Then I caught some of the show last night - meh. I haven't been following all along, but isn't Simon becoming altogether less annoying than Randy? Oh and what the fuck was Jewel doing there? I found myself resenting her very presence for some reason, but that's mostly due to an old grudge (that I hold for no real reason, in my mind). Eh, whatever - I don't know why I thought it would be fun to watch this time.

I don't remember much of my dream this morning other than I was at some party - I think it was possibly a high-school reunion. I was frustrated and having shoe problems - first I was wearing some that cut my feet, then changed into another pair only to slip and step into a huge mess of pudding. Nice. Then a friend was trying to convince me that we should leave and I was saying "No. You don't understand. I am NOT leaving this party until someone wants to fuck me." Good thing J woke me up shortly thereafter, I imagine even in my subconscious I would've been waiting at that party for a LOOONG time, if ya know what I'm sayin. Zing!