I'll take my music uncensored and my pants untapered, thanks

Oh you know, same ol' same ol' over here. The dull headache that comes with Mondays is in effect and I'm just gonna ramble to you...

Irish Creme was not a good coffee choice. I don't know about you, but while I do enjoy some flavored creamers in my coffee, I'm almost always disappointed when the coffee itself is flavored. Huh.

The hair-coloring hiatus I had been on for a year is now over (not just because of the boss/gray hair incident, but that was a painful helpful reminder) and thanks to the fiance's handiwork I'm back to rockin the reddish-brown hair again instead of my natural golden brown. Probably will just end up being more obvious when I do have a lingering gray hair, but for now - whatev.

Is it nice to live in one of those states where you don't have to give a shit about recycling aluminum cans? With a ten cent refund each, it's like a lame-ass savings plan for us, just one that creates clutter and hassle instead of earned interest.

We ventured out to the WalMart this weekend - which, as usual, turned out to be a bad idea. You go in there and it's like you're sucked into this strange vortex that transcends space and time. I mean, I wonder if you were just dropped into any one of these stores across the country if you could tell at all - by checking out the merchandise and your fellow shoppers - what state you were in, or even what year it was? Speculation says that once inside it is permanently backwoods Indiana 1989. Oh, I kid, I kid. But there is even a specific dialect to this store along with it's own breed of disaffected, disgruntled employees. I don't know how many other places in Michigan we've ever heard this much use of "y'all" and "dudn't" - while it's endearing coming from an actual southerner, it just feels sort of awkward and out of place when you hear it from people up here. It's not like I think I'm above this store or anything, if that's where it seems I'm going with this (not much of anywhere, really). I'm all about the bargain & clearance shopping, I'm just saying that this place makes my beloved Target seem like even more of a peaceful utopia by comparison.

Oh, I know - so negative! And I didn't even get to the parts about the dumping of snow we've had, financial woes, premarital woes, or pending car issues! I'll try to end this on a positive note by saying that yes, the Nintendo Wii really is as cute and amusing as they say it is. And that it doesn't have to be summertime to enjoy a nice strong mojito.

Vote of Confidence

So, earlier today my boss comes in to get a file and give instructions. I'm sitting at my desk while he is standing up behind me. We're discussing one of our clients when he rather suddenly stops mid-sentence and glares at the top of my head.

"Hey, I'm sorry but you have THE loongest nappiest gray hair riiight there..."

and before I can even properly respond to this embarrassment, he just YANKS, then looks at his hand and says "oops, well at least I got it..." as he hands me this little clump of about 5 or 6 hairs (ouch) that he pulled! Then he just shrugs and walks out as I ponder what the hell kind of facial expression this situation deserves.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

ANYWAY. I'm sorry about that. That'll show me to do an internal monologue-ish thing without proofreading it. But on the other hand, you know, I'm sick of being sorry for everything I do. And it's just a blog.

I thought I was going to have jury doodie today, and believe it or not, I actually kind of had my hopes up about it. The website for jury information even had quotes from past jurors to attest that the whole thing didn't completely suck ass. One quote just said "They had coffee and it was FREE!" and I was gonna be all about dat. But oh well. No need to report. Regular old day. Apparently, yesterday was supposed to be the shittiest day of the year or something (I'm surprised I didn't start my period), so at least we're past that now, eh?

It'll all be fine.

"Delivery for... I.C. Weiner?"

Well, it is kind of pretty out when everything has a fine coating of ice on it. I'm so grateful for having a garage, especially at times like this. And for the moment, my car is acting fine (despite being in and out of the shop 3 times for not starting) although it's hard to tell if or when it'll act up again. The fun thing is when it's so iced up out there that the traffic lights don't work and no one knows what to do. A four-way stop ends up being an impromptu game of chicken. Whee!

So, we got the American Idol Karaoke Revolution game last weekend. The judges' comments get annoying after a while - as they do on the actual show. It's bad enough having a rusty and out of tune voice, but when you don't know the song that well either, it can really be painful. (The cat's ears were back and hopefully no one walking by could hear me from outside.) We had fun with it though. Then I caught some of the show last night - meh. I haven't been following all along, but isn't Simon becoming altogether less annoying than Randy? Oh and what the fuck was Jewel doing there? I found myself resenting her very presence for some reason, but that's mostly due to an old grudge (that I hold for no real reason, in my mind). Eh, whatever - I don't know why I thought it would be fun to watch this time.

I don't remember much of my dream this morning other than I was at some party - I think it was possibly a high-school reunion. I was frustrated and having shoe problems - first I was wearing some that cut my feet, then changed into another pair only to slip and step into a huge mess of pudding. Nice. Then a friend was trying to convince me that we should leave and I was saying "No. You don't understand. I am NOT leaving this party until someone wants to fuck me." Good thing J woke me up shortly thereafter, I imagine even in my subconscious I would've been waiting at that party for a LOOONG time, if ya know what I'm sayin. Zing!

Something tells me I've been here before

Oh man, I've been sleeping way too much and still feeling tired.

One of the more odd recurring elements of my dreams will be flipping the bird. Though I really don't do it all that much in real life, in my dreams there always seems to be a need for it. But in dreamland my hands won't cooperate. I will thrust my hand out at someone angrily, but then will have to use my other hand to extend the middle finger while holding the other ones down - by that time, the meaning is lost on the finger-deserver. I have no idea what that means, other than it's pretty close to the token "trying to run but being stuck in quicksand" feeling, or the "trying to call 911 but keep dialing it wrong" response.

Pretty lame defense anyway, I suppose. "Wait, wait, bad person - I have something to show you - a finger! Hold on, let me get it. There we go, yeah, eat that!"

Long nights, impossible odds

Blah blah blah. Taking up space. 'Cause I don't like having the beginning of my posts showing up in Google's cache. Blah blah dee dah. Already know this one's a doozy...

It's eerily quiet around the orifice today. Huh. True dat.
Gives me too much time to drift.
Last night slash this morning
I was dreaming of impossible sex in an uncomfortable place.
I mean we don't even have a bathtub.
Much less the balance for that kind of thing.
And then I woke up with "Blue Collar Man" by Styx running through my head.
Just for kicks, I guess.
I think I'm losing it.
The other day I
Went to the doctor
and the doctor said
or asked
if my hair color was natural
whilst poking between my legs
which made me think
"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
Yes it does.
Mark that down.
That is all.
Non-post it up!

More barn, less noble

There's a gift card for a bookstore burning a hole in my pocket. I had thought this would be an easy one, as I already have a running list o' books that I want to read, but it turns out I must be too cheap and indecisive to buy anything yet. I know - it's not even BUYING it because it's a gift card, and I still don't want to let myself pay full price. Plus, it just was not a good shopping experience. I haven't been having very good shopping experiences lately - WTF? Even with the holidays being over? Oh right, the kids are still out of school and there's plenty of other peeps who are Entitled to Copious Amounts of Vacation Time. So the stores are still packed, the clearance racks are picked over and boogered up, and everyone's too exhausted from the holidays to be polite to each other any more than is necessary. And maybe it's just me, but the last couple times I've been shopping the heat has been CRANKED. Which usually I don't mind, since I'm one of those always cold people (frigid bitch) but this was just excessive to the point where you just start getting really pissy and want to leave. Good strategy there. Then after dodging the kids playing a good old-fashioned game of Shriek and Run at the bookstore (in which I think the goal is to see how many senior citizens they could scare poopless/knock over), I noticed the store was playing an interesting selection of music, especially for a B&N. Like maybe one of their highschool employees slipped in a "Sex Mix 2006" CD from their personal collection or something, like I probably would've done at that age (oh wait, I DID do that at that age, but it was at an unpopular music store and I WAS a hornified teenager so that was understandable, eh?). Anyway, between the stifling heat and the disappointing pile of clearance crap (toilet sudoku anyone?), the breathy sex whispers and pulsating rhythm of the music and the meeting-then-breaking eye contact with a couple disillusioned guys who didn't immediately realize I was just some frumpy chick who was actually there to look for books - I figured I'd cut my losses, buy a half-price donkey calendar and high-tail it out of there.
Dang, all that and yet I find myself getting psyched up to do some shoppping this weekend...

Somethin's got to give

Oy. I thought about listing some resolutions for the New Year, but there are so many things I need to change that it just seems overwhelming and well, kind of depressing. Kind of REALLY depressing. My big problem that leads to several other mini-problems is that I procrastinate and don't want to deal with shit. But it's always looming there and making things worse, and before I know it I've got a whole pile of problems and don't know where to start with solving them. Christ, I think I need a whole personality makeover at this point. I mean, shit I've got weight loss - which is huge (ha ha) on it's own - to work on, home projects up the wazoo, loads of shit to organize so we can pay our bills like normal adults without digging through stacks of bullshit, being more like a "normal" functioning adult, regularly keeping up the house so it doesn't look like a bachelor pad, and among other things there's oh, that little matter of PLANNING a WEDDING which I haven't given nearly enough thought about, much less put things into action. It all stresses me out and seems so overwhelming, that I just... don't do it. I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel frozen, unable to move forward. Maybe I'm chicken-shit or maybe I'm just lazy. Or both.

I'm eating a slimfast bar for lunch and as expected - it's pretty feckin gross. Just like the drink, there's that lingering aftertaste of vitamins & minerals. Nastykins!

Oh silliness

Ooh, I loves me some "lost in translation" type humor, which is why my favorite time-wastin' website lately has been Engrish.com. But seeing as how I usually find out about cool stuff about a year or two after everyone else, I won't be surprised if this is old news to you. Still, that's some funny stuff to me!

Happy New Year

Here's the song that's been stuck in my head today:



I guess we've started off the New Year kinda Irishlike so far: J's dad had us over for corned beef & cabbage and then he gave us an Everlast (who, as you know, is mostly Irish) CD (turned out to be too thuggish for his taste) and now, well I'm gonna totally put some Irish Cream in me. In my coffee.

Hope you have/had a good one!

Don't worry about, don't speak of doubt

So... new template. You like? No? Indifferent? Yeah, I don't know either. Just wanted to change it up for a bit, but I'm sure I'll fiddle with it again soon. I really need to upload some pics along with posts like I used to - because it's looking pretty bland around here.

I've been having these awful dreams. And I know I've been saying everything is hormone related lately, but I think this is too. Or it happens more when I don't have the synthetic hormones in my system. But we don't have to get into all that. These dreams are like watching movies, except they're awful violent movies that you don't want to watch and can't turn away from. Thanks a lot, subconscious mind. I don't know how to explain. It's just disturbing and I hate waking up in a sweaty panic.

I'm waiting for him to get home. Yeah, he's working on a Saturday - that's a bunch of crap but has to be done sometimes. I get anxious to see him especially when I've been by myself all day. I was even going to mix myself a drink to up the lovey-dovey feeling, but I'll wait. The buzz I get from drinking doesn't ever seem to last long, so I don't want to waste it. And it's pretty likely that right now a drink will get me even more horned up. Hornified?

Anyway! I gotsta go for now.

So now what?

Alright. So Christmas has come and gone and of course it wasn't altogether bad. In some respects I'm relieved to have it over, but then again feel a bit sad that it passed in such a blur. We (J and I) both think it may have been more fun with some little chitlins running around, but then again more stressful too. But despite my "family crisis" shit, I was selfishly dealing with my own shit too and for that, I feel bad. Well, I mean I feel bad that I was in one of those moods where I will answer politely enough when spoken to but can't keep up a prolonged conversation, I wanted to smile but it felt unnatural for my face to cooperate, and none of the usual spirit-lifters had the same effect that I needed to be a good hostess. There are usually about 2 days a month where I am at my utmost worst, and these happened to begin right on Christmas. Not good. I also neglected to make getting certain important med refills of the utmost importance before the holidays. Now due to the idiocy not only on my part but on that of the pharmacy and then of the doctor's office, I am on day 2 without these stupid drugs in my system, knowing that day 3 is usually my breaking point for an uncontrolled crying freakout. It's awful timing. But like I said, it's my fault anyway and I'll get it taken care of.
As usual, my sweet fiance pulled off a fantastic meal for his parents, my mom and us. I could go on about how much he means to me, how he keeps me going when times are rough like this, and how I just love him so much that I can feel the tears welling up... but it would probably be a little nauseating for the rest of you. So we'll just say I'm glad that I had him there with me through this. I'll try to give a better recap of the holidays another time. I wanted it to be half-funny, half-complaining, but I'm going to just sound complainy if I do it now. You know how it is.

Holidazed

I don't know, folks. Despite my tendencies to be bah-humbug this time of year, I was secretly on and off feeling just a little festive. Sure, I've been stressed and sure I'm not really prepared, and sure we have continuous rain and gloom instead of snow, but I still was more or less planning on having a decent holiday. I sort of missed Christmas last year due to being terribly sick with a nasty stomach bug that knocked me on my ass for a week. So at least I don't have that to deal with. But as it turns out, my immediate family is in somewhat of a crisis now and none of us are really in the mood to celebrate. It's not that Christmas is being called off, but my brother is in some deep trouble that is really weighing heavily on all of us. I'm sorry I can't even explain. I don't know, it's a mess. My poor parents. But I am glad that despite of all the family issues we may have, we care about each other enough to be affected and concerned.
Sorry to be so depressing, and sorry that I haven't written much, or commented much or emailed much. Hopefully it'll all blow over soon.
I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday out there! Share some hugs and let people know you love them!

Chrishmish shapping

It's a good thing I haven't gone too crazy with online shopping, especially with how bad I am at regular shopping and how much better the products look on the computer screen than in person. I get in the stores and regardless of if I have an idea of what to buy or not, I get in this hazy, confused, irritable state and then end up doing things like looking at every single board book in the big old bookstore's section for kids, and then end up buying the one that my nephew already has. Or buying my significant other the same kind of shaver 2 years in a row AND also forgetting how crappy it was and that it nicked and cut up his face. As it gets closer and closer to Christmas and I get more and more desperate, everything I look at starts looking like what might be a good gift idea, which usually ends up being awful. And then I start thinking about this shit way too hard and want to break down right there in the store, yelling stuff out like "I don't think I even really KNOW my family or what the hell they like! Hey you there, hey lady - do you think my dad would like this sampler of teas? Hey stranger, how much do you have to spend on your coworkers to not look like a shmuck? Excuse me, hi there random person, do you think I'm buying these earrings because I like them or because I truly think my mom will like them? How about a variety pack of kleenex - is that a gift? I know I'd use it if it was for me. I mean, if you think about it - what isn't a gift, right? RIGHT? Someone??? Help?"
Yeah, so shopping tonight should be fun.

Oh Grumbley Grumbles

I'm having one of those bouts of eye-twitching, don't you hate that? It's just an annoying little quiver, feels like it might be sinus-related so I keep squeezing the bridge of my nose. I've also been experimenting with the art of eyebrow penciling lately, so it's like "hey, lookit that girl - what's her expression? Is she concerned? Annoyed? I don't know, but with the looks of that twitchy eye, I'd stay away from her if I were you..."

My petty complaint of the day is that I don't like being at the mercy of my boss for when I am allowed to have lunch. Normally I bring a cup of soup and a room temperature beverage since we don't have a refridgerator here (which yes, also annoys me) and I just eat at my desk and work through lunch. But some days, I don't like being confined! Some days I don't want or have soup! And it's like it's a BIG pain in the ass that I need to run out for 10 minutes to go get something, which I still can bring back and eat at my desk while working. But he likes to be in control. Yesterday he told me to go to lunch and it was only 10:45AM, today it was - you didn't bring your lunch again??? Irritated sigh. Well, I'll be back in an hour and a half, you can go then. I know, it's just a stupid little thing and usually I try to be flexible about it. It's just that I NEVER take advantage of the whole being entitled (by you know, the state regulations) to 2 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch thing, plus the phone hardly ever rings during the usual lunch times, plus we have caller ID and voice mail if anyone DID call, but nevermind, nevermind - I just get a little cranky when I'm hungry!

Assorted Fried Vegetables

So, I finally was given word that it was MY turn to switch over to the beta version of blogger. I'm kind of surprised that they really didn't come up with much in the way of NEW templates (what is there - one?) but at least they've made it somewhat easier to change the colors in the existing ones. We'll see how it works out.

I don't know what our holiday plans are. I don't know what our wedding plans are. I'm not a good planner.

Another weekend came and went. I didn't get Christmas shopping accomplished (including but not limited to completing the package that I need to send to Australia - like that's not gonna be late or anything, shit!) but I did get the fake tree put up and decorated, so it looks a bit more festive around the house. We had a coffee pot die (what, the coffee pot can't withstand a spill of [you guessed it] COFFEE on it's display? Weak!) so we bought another cheap one. It's like our history with toasters - they were practically a disposable commodity in our house until we finally just bought a toaster oven which was well worth the slightly higher cost and eventually we'll break down and spend a little extra on a coffee maker too - just not this time around. J made a delicious roast chicken (which isn't really news as his cooking is always delicious) and I made us some chocolate chip cookies (not festive, but still quite yummy). We had 2 visits from friends, which totals 3 whole people who like us enough to can hang with us. You know what company means: drinks may have got drinked and pots may have been smoken, but all in the spirit of being FESTIVE! Or something. We didn't end up watching any of our Netflix movies (Beerfest, Pirates of the Caribbean 2, X-Men 3) but at least we have some good ones ready when we get around to it. I finished reading My Friend Leonard by James Frey (really good) and started Little Children by Tom Perrotta which so far seems like it'll be good too. We got some Indian food last night - while we were eating I couldn't help envisioning myself today, clutching my stomach and saying "ugh, we had Indian food last night" but actually haven't had too many unpleasant after-effects. I've gotten more adventurous about food over the years and can even handle spicey to a certain point. Everything was SO seasoned though that it was almost like sensory overload. Good stuff though, interesting. So there's the weekend in a messy, unformatted nutshell.

Where's the beef?

Well, that was weird. Apparently everything checked out alright on my car. It wouldn't start, but then after they towed it back to their garage, it did start - he says it happens all the time, might be something got jiggled around during the tow. Isn't that always the answer? You just gotta jiggle it. Alright then.

This morning my boss picked up my sorry ass and brought me to work. We stopped along the way at a funky coffee shop that usually has amusing phrases on their sign, such as "Stop in for a cup of Whoop Ass!" "Coffee keeps you regular" or "We stopped peeing in the tea" so I had already decided I liked the place before I went in. Now maybe I'm just not used to the hip coffees the kids are drinking these days, but my house blend seemed a little odd. At first I thought it was just stronger than I was used to, but it was more of just a weird aftertaste of... is it... beef? Then I thought I know what this tastes like! The aftertaste is just like the "au jus" that you get with a french dip sandwich! That must be their secret! Still thinking I was just being crazy, I drank about 1/2 of it before my stomach clenched up and begged me to stop. On top of that, I have a beef-related soup for lunch, so I can forget about getting that taste out of my mouth.

Seems like this needs a dirty joke here, but I'm at a loss. So you just go on and have yourself a great day.

Whassa matta you?

Me + cars = trouble.

I was just thinking, juust theenking of finally getting some body work done on my car, when lo and behold she decided not to start after I got my morning coffee from the gas station and was going to be on my way to work. I'm sorry I cursed you, car! You trying to tell me you've got worse problems I should pay attention to? I hate that sinking feeling when you're turning the key when you know it's doing no good "please turn over, please this time, please fucking start!" At least I was parked in a decent spot (not at the pump) at the time and had a few minutes to make calls before the battery died on my cell phone (figures). But I hate that. When you like, need help from people, possibly strangers, but the look in their eyes says "please don't ask me, I don't know you, please don't ask me, what are you trying to pull, don't talk to me" but at least the store manager was kind enough to attempt giving me a jump start. It didn't work though, so now I wait to hear the fate of my car and hope it's nothing serious but I'm expecting the worst, because it usually is.

But hey, I got a ride to work from my non-working co-worker, a ride to the shop to drop off the keys, and hey I might even fenagle a ride home (across frickin town) from some kind soul. So I'm thankful that some people out there will still help other people. But most likely, only if they know you.

Not "Share Bear" Enabled

You know, I know work computers are well, for work and all and not actually a personal belonging. But when you work at the same one for so long and have everything set up the way you want it, it kinda feels like "yours." So, silly as it is - dontcha hate it when someone else uses your computer and you come back to find a bunch of stuff changed? What the crap is this? You were using this computer for a couple hours and found it necessary to put your own music program (what - itunes not good enough?) on here and install 2 frickin instant messengers? WTF? Perhaps I'm not as good about sharing as I thought, as my first reaction is to change all that's been tainted back to how I had it. Files buh-leted!

A pu-pu platter of postings

Since I always seem to get into shows when they're past their prime (or already cancelled) the latest show I've been diggin on is Arrested Development. Love it! I think I must favor shows that use the "uncomfortable humor" like The Office, so this is quickly being added to the all-time favorite, can't-miss-an-episode category. So, yay for reruns and DVRs!

I'm planning on making a whole mess o' cookies for the upcoming Thanksgiving festivities. Suppose I will at least attempt a pumpkin pie as well, but I feel safer with cookies as I'm still a newbie in the baking department. My fee-on-say, as I've mentioned before, is quite gifted wit tha kitchen skillz which is hella cool for me (and anyone eating with us). But I want to at least contribute something, even if it's just cleaning up the place and making an offering of cookies. Eh? Does that count? I wish I was craftier and more talented with domestic abilities to impress company, but moreso I just want everyone to have a good time, which hopefully they will.

I haven't mentioned anything about wedding plans in a while because A) I didn't think you'd be that interested and B)I have had almost no ideas other than what I don't like. But! We looked at a reception site we actually like, and for a comparably reasonable price! And if the idea of getting married in a church doesn't work out, there are options available for having the ceremony at the reception site as well. So that's a bit of relief for the moment.

I haven't been writing as much but I've been reading a bit more. Trouble is, I like to check out a whole stack of books from the library and then start more than one of them at the same time, so it really takes me longer to get any one of them finished. So right now, for example I'm almost done with Bleachy Haired Honky Bitch by Hollis Gillespie which I should've been through much faster as it is actually a compilation of short essays. I see that she's a contributor to NPR and perhaps her stuff is better that way, in small doses. Just because as I'm reading these all at once, it seems a bit repetitious. While the stories can be amusing at times, I think there's also some overkill with telling us about what her guy friends said and did and commented and suggested - I don't know if there's a chapter that hasn't mentioned them. I mean, I'm sure I'd love some gay guy friends as much as the next girl but it seems like it makes it less of her voice, ya know? Then I'm also reading Faithless by Joyce Carol Oates, which is another compilation of short stories. I think I'm gonna be about DONE with short stories in the near future, because now these seem more like stories that just got thrown together in a book because she had some drafts lying around but didn't want to bother giving them proper endings. Great character descriptions and suspensefully leading up to something, and then it's just blah blah the end. I mean, JCO is a respectable author with a shitload of books and all - I think I was just intimidated by some of her bigger novels and chose the short stories unwisely. Ah well, I still have 5 or 6 more books lined up to read next if these don't work out!

We actually had a "Pu-Pu Platter" at one of those combined Asian cuisine restaurants this weekend. Always wondered about that term. It's just a combo of somewhat americanized appetizers, but it was good stuff.