Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Shampoozled

As I am often known to do, I was sniffing around at Target for a new shampoo the other day. Something I've noticed in the shampoo market is that descriptions of what hair type each shampoo is intended for have become quite specific and, almost insulting at times. For example, what was once a shampoo for "normal to dry hair" has become "for dry, brittle, damaged, over-processed, color-treated hair." Is your hair moderately dry? Not good enough to qualify, folks. Because honestly people, you cannot be ready for the help these products will give you until your hair has reached rock bottom and is desperate for change. You better have hair with some serious lack of moisture ISSUES. We're talking parched, dehydrated, crunchy, chalky, burnt spaghetti-like, turns to dust in your hands, been through the desert on a horse with no name, dry-ass MF'in hair! The products will claim ways of forcibly keeping that moisture in your hair (Intensive therapy! Shampoo contains more than 50% real unsalted butter!) and bringing it back to LIFE! Hoorah!

So, the shampoo I ended up selecting was for adding volume to fine hair but actually it had to be all high and mighty about it by saying it was "for fine, dull, limp, lifeless hair". So basically - hair that is really just some sort of pathetic excuse for hair. Bland, miserable, lame, flaccid, sickly, cobwebby, nearly nonexistent, thin like a babies' but not in a good way, why even bother having hair - kind of hair. And I foolishly thought my hair just needed a little added bounce. Glad to know where I stand in the haircare world.

5 comments:

Mr. Husbland said...

Sorry, but once I read the words "moisture issues" my mind went on a long rabbit trail & frustration came to mind.

Beck said...

You crack me the hell up, girl. "Why even bother having hair..." Too freaking funny.

Anonymous said...

The burn-out biker chick/hairdresser/barrista at the drive through cuttery/coffee shop that I use says that all three of my hairs are full of life.
She shares all her best hair care secrets with me. Who knew there were so many uses for a flowbee?

quinn said...

I suspect it's all b.s. anyway. I just keep buying the same cheap shampoo I've used for the last year and a half. Nothing's gonna help my hair at this point, unless the shampoo bottle comes with scalp massages and a personal stylist to get me out the door every day. Does anyone know where I can find THAT one?

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean.

I have fine, sSHINY, limp, lifeless hair,' so where does that leave me, I ask you?

~ Peggasus