Friday, October 27, 2006

Big Empty

I feel permanently damaged, a defective product that never got a recall. I feel like... a lot of overdramatic shitty things. I know it won't always feel like this but I am stuck in the now of it. I wish there weren't so many days that I was thinking to myself that I couldn't wait for some time alone so I could cry without having to explain why. It doesn't work like that. You can't just save it all up for a more appropriate time. I'm feeling like I need something but can't quite grasp it. I want closeness, yet I don't really want to be around anyone - even myself, really. Which I suppose works since I'm feeling like some kind of people-repellant. The image in my mind of how I must appear to others is devastating. So yeah, feeling depressed to say the least.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I don't know what else to say, except that I hope it passes quickly.

~ Peggasus

Fluffycat said...

sorry to hear it. i know the feeling. it does get better.

quinn said...

I go through this periodically, too. Big hugs to you, it will get better.

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing that you can't save it up for a more appropriate time! Compartmentalizing your feelings and stuff sucks, because it's hard to get back to being the other, less compartmentalizing way.

Nervous Girl said...

Thanks everybody, and sorry for the gloominess - just had to get it out somehow.