Monday, July 17, 2006

Your own personal K-Fed

Ladies - can you look back at your dating history and say that there was a time that - just like Britney - you had your very own personal K-Fed? Come on, let's be "for reals" now. I know, it's embarrassing. But we were all young, dumb and full of... um, stuff back in day. We made mistakes. Slutty mistakes. No? Just me? Alright, then.

You know what I mean, though - the guy who embarrasses you in public, he could use some help in the smell department, your friends don't like him, your parents know you could do better, hell - most of the time you don't even like him. But damnit, he's got something about him - the greasy bastard. And he needs you, baby - well, sometimes. He's been known to demonstrate his rappin skillz that are gonna pay tha billz for you while you sit cringing on a smelly-ass couch with a smelly-ass dog slobbering on you... oh wait, that was probably just me. So anyway, you're all defensive of him to other people, like "But y'all just don't know him - he's got something special. He's just misunderstood. And I know deep down there's a good person in there... I mean, I think that's what that was." 1

If I combine 2 of the guys from my past, I realize that I too had a glimpse of what it would be like with my very own K-Fed! Sure, neither of them danced 2 , had muscles, or knocked me up (thank God) but for all intents and purposes - well, just shutup and listen to the story. One had the K-Fed kind of looks except, well - he was almost hot in his own way, I gotta say. Even with that big ol' tattoo on his forearm that the artist had messed up so the "hot naked chick" was more of a "hot naked cross-eyed chick that looked kinda pissed off". Okay but he had those faintly hispanic looks, combined with his homeboy clothes and puppydog eyes that just got my panties all in a tangle. Yeah, I don't know why. There I'd be, grinding myself against his sweaty abdomen, gripping those bronzed shoulders and whispering "Mmm, say something in Spanish to me baby" and he'd sigh and exclaim "Goddamnit, I told you - my dad's Greek, why does everyone think I'm Mexican?" Yeah, it was some hot times. Okay, not really. He was a good boy (not in general - but to me for that 2 weeks, at least), just well, not that bright. But neither was I, so there you go.

The other guy was a K-Fed in spirit more than looks - though I'm sure K's clothing and hair choices woulda been right up his alley. While he had nothing (job, car, pot to piss in), he always had big ideas about something 3 - I'll give him that. I wonder if he ever fulfilled his dreams of being a hustler? He sure had several years of dedicated practice. But yes, the spirit of K-Fed was strong in this one. I wonder if Britney would agree with me on this - nothing makes a girl feel special like being whispered the sweet nothings of "what the fuck you tryin to look all pretty for?" or "I stole this for you from this bitch I stayed with last night" or "Ey, how much money you got? Gimme 40 bucks and a ride downtown." Ahh, yes - bestill my trash-lovin heart.

Hmm, actually the real K-Fed isn't looking so bad right now. It should be noted that Kevin Federline is merely being used here as a scapegoat for cheap laughs - I have done no real in-depth research on the Spears/Federline coupling.

1 - nope, turns out it was just a burrito
2 - unless you wanna count "dancing" as in dancing around the subject of his probation
3 - but mostly nothing


Will said...

There's no female equal to K-Fed thankfully or I'd have fucked it by now.

Parisjasmal said...

Hilairious! Thanks for the laugh!

I told you my Dad is Greek--ROFL!

Yossarian said...

i think i might be a k-fed. man thats cool.

KC said...

Girl, I'm still laughing at this post. I think it's one of those that I'll think of later in the day and start laughing someplace where it's inappropriate to guffaw for no apparent reason. You kill me!

Of course! Don't all women have someone (or two) like this in their past? I know I had a few. Dumb, sexy (or pretty), jack-shit poor, and uneducated. They were good for one thing and one thing only.... and thank god it didn't result in babies.

Nervous Girl said...

will - that's something to think about, I wonder who would be the female equivalent of a K-Fed?

parisjasmal - thanks for visiting, glad someone thought it was funny! :)

yossarian - hmm, could be, could be. Can you grow some scraggly facial hair?

kc - thank you! giving my readers a few laughs is a huge compliment to me. :)