Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tonight I think I'll walk alone I'll find my soul as I go home

** There's another new post below this one, you know. In case you want to read something a little lighter. **

Maybe I'd feel better if I got my hair cut. I'd probably feel better if I colored it too. It would probably help to get some new clothes so I don't look like this. Think I'd feel better if I wasn't drinking this awful slimfast. Maybe I'd just feel better if I wasn't me.

Sometimes I realize that I'm not as understanding as I set out to be. I have a hard time with jealousy and of course it's based on insecurity. I have a hard time believing that pretty girls get the blues. I have an especially hard time believing that rich and pretty girls get the blues. That they could possibly understand. They've always got lots of friends and things to do and showerings of compliments from cute boys and their drugs get paid for. No one minds a pretty girl with problems, even when she's nothing more. Then again, I think I was almost pretty for about 1.5 years but I didn't know it and I was miserable then too. So who am I to judge?

Maybe getting comfortable was the worst thing I ever did. Just accepted it, accepted myself and left it at that. You hate those kind of people. We just haven't found our place or a reason why. I tried to embrace this lifestyle and not only does it not look right on me, I think I'm failing miserably. I never try hard enough. I don't know what's worth fighting for. See that speeding car coming at me and instead of dodging it, just accept that it'll hit. Accept the fate without flinching. Another one weeded out. I'm not getting anything done. I'm so tired all the time.


Mr. Husbland said...

My wife says the same thing about how she feels vs getting a hair cut, colored, highlights, etc.

I give her fits when she brings it up. If she had it her way she'd end up bald over time.

Peggasus said...

No, getting comfortable and accepting yourself was probably the BEST thing you ever did. For yourself, that is. That does not mean you have to settle for anyhting, mind you (your looks, your job, your friends, whatever), but accepting yourself for what you are is a good place to start. Trying to conform to someone else's expectations never gets you aywhere, and usually leads to unhappiness.

Pretty doesn't last, character does. And there's nothing more attractive than a person confident and comfortable in their own skin. That's what I try to tell myself, at least. But it is true.

(God, now I won't be able to get 'Alfredo spooge' out of my mind all night. Thanks.)