Thursday, December 01, 2005

Why must I feel like that?

Dude... I mean it about wanting to hibernate. It's snowing again and will probably continue all day. Yeah, it's pretty but only when you don't have to go out in it.

I'm feeling sorta like the same old blah me. Even though I'm still not really sure what all that means. Still as moody as ever, even though the change in living environment has helped. I thought I had already gone on this journey of self-discovery 10 years ago. And then again 6 years ago. Maybe you just never stop learning, even about yourself. I'm less easily swayed than I used to be, but still feel that I try too hard to find a place where I fit in. Like it or not, and as anti-social as I may be, I do feel the need to bond with people. I'm just not very good at it. One of our mutual friends has moved back to town and I've been pretty thrilled about it, even if it's not under the best of circumstances that she's here. I've been longing for some female companionship and she's always fun to be around. But just like other relationships, I have to watch myself cause I'll be bound to fuck it up if I get too excited about it. In school, it wasn't always as hard to find friends. Granted, not all those bonds were much more meaningful than who you sat at lunch with or who would share their scented markers with you, but still. At my age, it's not as easy. Girls are tough to understand and be friends with. Then again, I haven't really put myself out there. I think I'll go hang out in the self-help section at Barnes & Noble. Oh yeah.
I don't think this was even what I intended to write about in this post, but that's what came out. Eh, you know how it goes. I tend to get a little more down this time of year. It'll be fine though. I'll bounce back.

6 comments:

Dave said...

I think it's the age...I'm going through the same thing, yet again. Some days I'm in deep, others I feel alright.

---- said...

Heh, I found the perfect book for you:

20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman's Guide to Balance and Direction

I haven't read it, so I have no idea if it's any good, but I just thought it seemed relevant to what you're talking about (and what a hell of a lot of us are feeling).

:)

DJ said...

I turned 40 this year (but a young 40, right?) and I finally feel like I'm startingto figure stuff out. Don't sweat it, Hot Pockets. Do what you do, enjoy what you enjoy, don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do, and remember that there are no winners. Life and it's daily events are never a competition. Chin up.

Yossarian said...

im glad youve been longing for a little girl on girl action

Dirk the Feeble said...

I have really only had a couple of people in my life I would consider "friends," and I didn't eat lunch with them in school. Those weren't my friends, those were the people who I allowed to sit at my table.

Nervous Girl said...

dave - yeah, you know how it is

pinkgoldfish - heh, I'll have to check that out, thanks :)

dj - wonderful advice, thank you

yossarian - ha! yeah, that too...

armaedes - haha, quite selective, eh?