Friday, October 07, 2005

Regressing & Depressing

It stinks in here like burnt coffee. I didn't make it or drink it, but I will try to clean out the sludge that was boiling on the bottom of the pot.
I'm tired of being told that I look tired. I am tired, and no amount of sleep would be enough to fix me. Maybe I just look like shit, and it's not that I'm tired at all. Maybe I need to take some iron supplements. Whatever.
Advice over here, advice over there. I just don't want to get screwed out of lots of money that I don't have. Everyone has their own ideas for other people's lives. It all looks so simple from the outside, when you don't have to live it. I don't know anything and I don't want to talk about it.
Sometimes you realize that nothing will ever be right, because you won't let it be. Something will always be missing, and it's all in my head. I tried to be happy for a little while, and it made me sad. Because it's really bad when something good happens to you and no one wants to hear about it. Or there's just no one to tell. When have they ever been happy for me? You people that I don't even know can be happier for me than people in real life, and that's sad. I don't have any girl friends or girlfriends, for that matter. I'm jealous. I want to live vicariously through others.
Sorry.

10 comments:

Grafs said...

I'm sorry you feel down...I feel like that sometimes, but it ebbs and flows. I like your blog!

Soffy O said...

Maybe we blog people just get to see a more real you than you let people around you see. Because anyone reading this would like you and want to be your girlfriend.

Chicken Little said...

Blogging is a good outlet, you can say just about anything and people will listen. (I should know, I wrote about stinking up the bathroom, and people listened LOL)

Try not to be so hard on yourself!

Blush said...

"i wanna live my life like somebody's shadow..."
you know i always feel ya.
chin up!

Lovely Lisa said...

It must be the change of seasons, i tell ya...you and me both!!! Don't worry too much...(i don't drink coffee, either...yuck!)

But you are so right...sometimes things are never right because you don't let them be...I think you and I both think too much, does that make sense? And, we are both good people who look out for ourselves and others...which is rare...
It will work out, and don't apologize for being depressed, sister---
love ya!

Nervous Girl said...

Thanks so much for the nice comments and support, ladies - it really means a lot, and makes me feel a whole lot better!

megan said...

My Dad used to say it was like my skin was put on inside-out. That I felt things faster, felt the joy and sadness more, dealt with frustration and clarity more deeply. He said he used to feel kind of sorry for me, but it really is a blessing and a curse. I don't know that I would like to be any other way. Kind of like being able to smell the burnt coffee too well. Having that kind of nose ( I have one too!) is terrible sometimes, but then there are the times when no one else in the building can smell the flower arrangers working with all of those roses on the second floor. Nobody can smell the flowers but you....
Hold on, little one. It will all get better soon.

Nervous Girl said...

Megan - do you have a blog? You sound like my long lost sister, and you always leave great comments, thanks! :)

megan said...

No, I don't have a blog. I'm just not brave enough yet. I love reading yours, though. Something in your posts always resonates so clearly with me, and you seem to have such an extraordinarily gentle heart.
I make a point to check up on you on Fridays. Just pop on here to make sure you are good for the weekend. I missed this Friday, and then read your post this morning and dammit if you weren't all lost and sad sounding and I'd missed it. Missed catching you to tell you it was going to be OK. I felt awful. Like I'd let you down.
So, I'm really glad if my goofy comments make a difference. Thank very much for saying that...

Nervous Girl said...

I really appreciate that, Megan!
Too bad it seems that Fridays are often my down days, but then again - it comes and goes. If you do ever decide to start your own blog - I think it'd be great! :)