credit-shmedit

Hey! Here are some more reasons not to fuck up your credit if you still have the chance. When you do eventually get to a point in your life where it matters, the shit will come back to haunt you. Despite your know-it-all ex-boyfriend's insistence that phone bills won't count against you, and that you should put it in your name and not his, and your trust that he will help you pay it off after he orders a top of the line cordless phone, headset and answering machine from the goddamn phone company who you know charges up the ass for that, you will be the one responsible for it. Long after you've been broken up, changed residencies 3 times and years have passed. Yes, everyone makes stupid mistakes and does shit that their parents groaned about and told them not to, but when you get a little bit older and wiser, you'll realize "fuck! that was important!" as you are denied credit cards, loans, leases, etc. And these people don't want to hear another sob story about you being young and dumb and unemployed back then. Or about how you had a joint account at the video store and he told you he'd be sure to return those movies. They don't even want to hear about how responsible you try to be now or how you've gotten your life together. Suck it up and pay it off!

So, okay - you've got the money now, you've seen the marks on your credit report and you want to make amends. Is it too little, too late? Oh, no - it's never too late for them to take your money. But you would've been smart to pay off your original debt before it got turned over to a collection agency. Because you will have to pay them on their terms. Some of them try to make it as painless as possible, although just finding out if their company exists and is legit and has a telephone number is a feat of it's own. Once you call, they know they've got you where they want you. These are not real people, folks! Okay, perhaps they're real but they've been jaded by so many other dumbfucks like yourself that they could really give a shit less about you trying to clean up your bad credit and resort to reading their script like an automaton. The other tactic I love is that they will refer to themselves as Mr. or Mrs. - like you lowlifes better refer to them like you would a teacher or an adult with authority because regardless of age, you are not at their level. It's not Shaniqua, it's Ms. Brown to you! Ms. Brown doesn't want you to send a check but she will gladly take your account and routing number from your checking account, since you have proved yourself too stupid and untrustworthy to make the payments yourself. The money will be taken out on the day of the month that is most convenient... for them of course. Or you have option B - which I used with my one other debtor that I owed a very insignificant amount to. You can pay with a credit (ahem, ok - debit) card over the phone for the small "convenience" fee of $7.50. Sure, easy enough. Except for when you can barely understand this person who you are giving your important information to, and they can't understand you either. Four fucking times I repeated my card number before he read back the correct numbers that I gave him, and then he says "ok maam, now I'm gonna need you to read those numbers to me backwards" - oh come on, I think he was just fucking with me at that point! But you know, that's my punishment for not paying them for like, 5 years. So I've paid everything off at this point. One company did what they said and reported that it was paid. The other one tells me I have to pay another $7.50 "convenience" fee for them to send me something saying it's paid. Fine. Oh, but the computer can't generate that report right now, it'll take another week. So call back then. Yep. Exactly. That's what I get.
Grumble grumble.