Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Hey! Here are some more reasons not to fuck up your credit if you still have the chance. When you do eventually get to a point in your life where it matters, the shit will come back to haunt you. Despite your know-it-all ex-boyfriend's insistence that phone bills won't count against you, and that you should put it in your name and not his, and your trust that he will help you pay it off after he orders a top of the line cordless phone, headset and answering machine from the goddamn phone company who you know charges up the ass for that, you will be the one responsible for it. Long after you've been broken up, changed residencies 3 times and years have passed. Yes, everyone makes stupid mistakes and does shit that their parents groaned about and told them not to, but when you get a little bit older and wiser, you'll realize "fuck! that was important!" as you are denied credit cards, loans, leases, etc. And these people don't want to hear another sob story about you being young and dumb and unemployed back then. Or about how you had a joint account at the video store and he told you he'd be sure to return those movies. They don't even want to hear about how responsible you try to be now or how you've gotten your life together. Suck it up and pay it off!

So, okay - you've got the money now, you've seen the marks on your credit report and you want to make amends. Is it too little, too late? Oh, no - it's never too late for them to take your money. But you would've been smart to pay off your original debt before it got turned over to a collection agency. Because you will have to pay them on their terms. Some of them try to make it as painless as possible, although just finding out if their company exists and is legit and has a telephone number is a feat of it's own. Once you call, they know they've got you where they want you. These are not real people, folks! Okay, perhaps they're real but they've been jaded by so many other dumbfucks like yourself that they could really give a shit less about you trying to clean up your bad credit and resort to reading their script like an automaton. The other tactic I love is that they will refer to themselves as Mr. or Mrs. - like you lowlifes better refer to them like you would a teacher or an adult with authority because regardless of age, you are not at their level. It's not Shaniqua, it's Ms. Brown to you! Ms. Brown doesn't want you to send a check but she will gladly take your account and routing number from your checking account, since you have proved yourself too stupid and untrustworthy to make the payments yourself. The money will be taken out on the day of the month that is most convenient... for them of course. Or you have option B - which I used with my one other debtor that I owed a very insignificant amount to. You can pay with a credit (ahem, ok - debit) card over the phone for the small "convenience" fee of $7.50. Sure, easy enough. Except for when you can barely understand this person who you are giving your important information to, and they can't understand you either. Four fucking times I repeated my card number before he read back the correct numbers that I gave him, and then he says "ok maam, now I'm gonna need you to read those numbers to me backwards" - oh come on, I think he was just fucking with me at that point! But you know, that's my punishment for not paying them for like, 5 years. So I've paid everything off at this point. One company did what they said and reported that it was paid. The other one tells me I have to pay another $7.50 "convenience" fee for them to send me something saying it's paid. Fine. Oh, but the computer can't generate that report right now, it'll take another week. So call back then. Yep. Exactly. That's what I get.
Grumble grumble.


Dave said...

Mine was a fucking gym membership. Even though I moved and there wasn't a gym of theirs for 20 miles, they still wouldnt let me out of the contract. Luckily, its off my credit report now, after a shit lot of faxing and arguing on my part.

Nervous Girl said...

Yeah Dave, when I was looking around at lots of credit help sites - being screwed on a gym membership was one of the most common complaints that I saw!

HemisphereDancer said...

Welcome to the sick, twisted world of adulthood and responsibility.

You'll hate it here.

Yeah, in college I had a credit card. When I left for the summer, I figured "suckers...the bill comes to my apartment...which is 300 miles from my summer home...ha..ha..ha...jokes on you!"

Actually, as you found out, the jokes on us.

They get their money eventually.

Congrats on the house!

Another abrupt "smack in the face" awaits you...

Dirk the Feeble said...

I know this was only a small part of your post, but I got hung up on the thing about calling them Mr. or Mrs. Around here, people insist you refer to them as Dr., and I have a strong suspicion that some of them aren't even really doctors!

AnonymousCoworker said...

I would have a perfect credit report if it weren't for the 7 credit cards I signed up for in college in order to get a free trinket.

Nervous Girl said...

hemispheredancer - thanks for your bittersweet support!

armaedes - I know man, it's really irritating!

Nervous Girl said...

anonymous coworker - yeah, it's probably a good thing that I didn't get a bunch of credit cards to start off with!

Anonymous said...

Credit... I just wait 7 years. Why do you think that I moved out of state? Just kidding


Will England said...

axyoually, the collection agencies will take money on *your* terms. It's your money, and they want it. Stand up for your self.

1) Find em.

2) call em - say "Hey, I fucked up back in the day and I want to make it right. But I can't pay you the whole ball of wax. Will you take 20%?" They'll say no. But it's now *your* game, not theirs.

3) Continue the back and forth till you reach a) an amount, and terms for payment. They should be glad that you are working with them, and glad to get some money from you.

Once you've paid that off, then your credit should start improviing. Seriously. I've done it, my friends have done it, etc. We all are 30-somethings now, all own houses, nice cars, motorcycles blah blah blah.