Friday, August 05, 2005

Soliciting - Another story

So, I know you're all wondering "How did she end up with the aforementioned 3 year magazine subscription?" Okay, so you're not - but just humor me.
I was at home alone and there was a knock on the door. That's kind of rare, being in an apartment building where you usually have to buzz your company in. I looked out my little peephole and she looked like a normal enough college girl. Blond hair, sporty clothes, pierced eyebrow. Who knows, maybe she even lives here? She's just carrying a notebook and when I answer the door she gets all bubbly.
"Hieee! I'm new to the area, and trying to meet as many new people as possible! Would you say you're a friendly person?"
Well, I am... but now I'm giving her the "what the fuck is this all about" kind of look while only holding the door open far enough to peek out at her.
"Umm sure" I say, and her eyes crinkle up in a huge smile. She shakes my hand and says "See, making new friends is fun!!! I'm Jen, what's your name?"
I tell her. I'm wondering where this is going and in the back of my mind imagine that she's just doing some kind of sociology project for school.
"Hey, would you do me a HUGE favor? Would you just look through this list of magazines? Just tell me which ones you like. Just for fun! Don't even look at the prices, just tell me which ones you would choose if you could choose three! "
I humor her, even though I know I don't have to. We've got a no soliciting sign on the apartment complex - but gee, now that we're friends and all... yeah, I'm a sucker. I look through the little booklet of odd selections of magazines which don't include any that I would normally buy, but pick three anyway. After all, it's just for fun.
"Okay! Wow, great choices! Now, I'm going to need to write something down, could I use your table there?"
That seems a little forward. I know. Don't let strangers in. But I did because I just can't say no, and she made herself comfortable. She wrote for a while like she was drawing up some sort of price quote on these magazines."Ohhh, is that your cat? Hi kitty!!!" Our cat comes up, gives her a sniff and runs in the opposite direction. Good thinking, kitty.
"Were you watching a movie?" she asks, looking at the tv. "What were you watching?" Thank God it wasn't anything too embarrassing but still, I'm kind of like damn, woman - none of your business! She proceeds to tell me what actors she likes and what movies she's recently seen. I play along with the chit-chat and light up a smoke.
"Ohhh, could I have one of those? I forgot mine!" Sure. Whatever. "Thank you SO MUCH....can I ask you for one more thing? Could I trouble you for a glass of ice water?"
Good Lord. Is this some sort of trick, and when I turn around she's gonna rob me or something? I get her a glass of water while making sure I'm facing in her direction.
"Some other people I work with have been offered beer when they've been selling magazines. They're so lucky! That never happens to me!" she says, looking at me sort of expectantly.
Heh. heh. I give her a weird look and vaguely respond "Yeah, I've heard of that happening with pizza delivery drivers..."
"Oh my God, really? They got offered beer?"
"Well, I think one of my friends actually got offered a joint."
"Oh! That is SO cool, I wish someone would offer me one, ya know? What pizza place was that?"
Guhhh. How long until I get this girl out of here? Even if I had any, I'm not letting some stranger into my stash. What the hell?
Yeah. So you would think at this point, I've been quite a gracious host. I don't owe this girl anything. Then she tells me about the trip she could get to go on if she sells enough magazines.(Ask me about the trip!I'd take you with me if I could, hahaha!) If I pay with cash, she gets more points than if it's with a check or credit card. Of course.
Now I know you're thinking this is incredibly stupid and why haven't I pushed her out yet? I don't know. Was feeling nice I guess, and I had just been paid. Plus, it was only like $30 for a 3 year subscription. That's 36 issues! I even gave her the money in cash and sent her on her way. I felt horribly gullible afterwards. Other people told me about how these magazine salespeople are a bunch of wandering gypsies, that pocket whatever money you give them.
So, that's how I got 3 whole freakin years of Spin - I was quite surprised that I even got them. I guess there's no "moral of the story" here, it was just a very odd experience that I thought I'd share. So now I've wasted your time, but hey - at least I haven't tried to sell you anything!


Jim said...

I'm selling aluminum siding, could I have a beer?

Anonymous said...

If this were me...
person at door: "Hi my name is so and so I'm new to the are a and I am trying to meet as many new friends a possible"

BER:____________ then sound of door slamming in face.

Its kind of funny... I get that all of the time also have you been approached by anyone doing quikstar? For some reason I am like a magnet to these people even in washington its SO annoying.


Nervous Girl said...


Is "doing quikstar" like doing ecstacy?

I don't know what that is!

SayUnderpants said...

Ah, the Apartment Complex Magazine People. I've met some of them before.

I always imagined that their personalities and sales tactics came from rigorous studying at a goverment-owned training facility, like in La Femme Nikita (the movie).

"These kids used to be lowly juvenile delinquents, but NOW they're trained magazine selling machines!"

Anonymous said...

Its like Amway but on the net, remember excel long distance service (Disc-Go-Round)

Wookiee Rage said...

$30 is a cheap price for making a friend like Jen. making freinds is so much fun. You should call her and see if she wants to hang out this weekend.

another excellent post.

Nervous Girl said...

BER - Ughh. Yes, now I remember. I guess it could be worse, glad I haven't run into those people.

wookiee - thank YOU!
oh yeah, me and Jen are real tight. She didn't even send me a postcard from her euro-trip though, all I got was these stinkin magazines!