Friday, June 01, 2007

Dads can be weird sometimes

I wonder if perhaps the best way to plan for a dad visit is to not plan so much at all. He doesn't often give a lot of notice, and insists on being vague about when he'll arrive and when he'll leave. This can tend to stress me out. It almost seems like he does it purposely so you can't say no. Leaves me feeling like I'm a bad hostess by having to ask "so... were you thinking of staying over, or... getting back on the road?" He'll say to just tell him if it won't work out, but it also feels like there's a load-bearing wall of guilt behind that statement. Like when he responds "sure I can find a... campground or cheap motel or something around there." I don't know. Maybe he gets just as uncomfortable as I do and just wants to see how things play out. Still, doesn't make it the easiest to plan around or prepare for.

So, this time I'm not really planning either. He's supposed to call my cell phone vaguely this afternoon, hopefully it's not when he's already waiting at our house. Nevermind that I'm at work, he doesn't know the new location, and it would be preferred that he didn't just "drop in" here. But, I don't want to over-think it like I usually do. Even though I inevitably will.

See, we have a history of some rather uncomfortable visits over the years, so I feel like I'm always expecting the worst. Probably not the best way to go at the situation, but it's hard not to. There's always some comment that sticks with me from the last visit, like how he wants to be happy that we're finally getting married but we did it all backwards by living together before marriage and all, etc. Ah well, at least he didn't throw in the old "women who sleep with men outside of marriage are whores." Ahem. Eh. The bad thing is, anticipating what he might say tends to make me all revved up to be defensive. I need to keep my cool. I know, I'm an adult and should stand up for myself. But it gets sort of pointless to argue. It wasn't always like this, and I hate to say it because it's worked for him - but the church he joined and the way it has changed him has sort of put a damper on our relationship. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells not to cause a debate or an unwelcome evangelizin'. Try to keep everything PG and PBS-like with dad. And definitely avoid getting the missionaries called in to tell us The Truth. Ok, see I am over-thinking it now and getting edgy. Just keep things light and positive, right? It'll probably be fine and I'll feel like a shit for saying anything. :)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i know how you feel, sometimes you just need to take a big breath and move on..., anyway, good luck.