Friday, October 06, 2006

That whole being a hermit idea didn't work out so well

I'm making myself sad, thinking about all the people that I've lost touch with over the years. Not just friends but family members too. Wondering if it matters to them or just matters to me. If they think that I don't think it matters. Thinking about how most of it is my fault. How I've most likely done things to hurt or piss them off. Or just the length of time without contact has pissed them off. How I wish it would be easier to just fall back into a comfortable conversation mode. I am so worried about what I think that people are thinking that I'm too afraid to really find out. I'm a coward. Worried that I won't be forgiven. Gotta fight the urge to hide under a rock. I got a stern call from my mom re: "why haven't you told them yet?" I don't know. I just don't know where to start.

3 comments:

Head Like Velvet said...

Well, I would certainly think that if they cared THAT MUCH they would call you much like your mother did?

I mean really...communication is a two-way street. I hereby completely and totally let you off the hook.

Fluffycat said...

I always go by that "a journey of a thousand miles beings with one step," but really, sometimes cutting yourself off from people is good for you, if they are harmful toxic people anyway.

quinn said...

I know what you mean. I have a wonderful friend that I haven't spoken to in about, oh, 3 months now. Absolutely too mortified about it to call him, and I'm sure he's feeling the same way. What the hell?! Why don't I just send an apology and update via way belated email?

(sidenote regarding my haircut post: I know exactly what you mean about the hairdresser cutting you down before cutting your hair. I found out I have a a big nose from a not-so-tactful hairdresser a few years ago. Ack.)