Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Distractinator

I think I've just discovered a secret, special power that I have over people. Ooh! Behold! Are you ready? Folks, get this - I have the power to give people attention deficit disorder just by speaking to them! Yes! If this was a sickness, they'd be dropping like flies all around me! Even if they never appeared to have this ADD before, well I just have a knack for bringing it out in people. No snapping my fingers, casting spells, wiggling my nose or anything. Ah yes, just let the gentle sound of my voice lull you into a distracted trance and suddenly everything in the world is more interesting than this. I wasn't saying anything important anyway - you can count on that, huh? It's like magic! I can begin a sentence and wow, I'm only halfway through it before I get interrupted by you. You'll even say something that's completely off the subject. It's like I wasn't even talking! Ha, as far as you know I wasn't! Wow, I must have... what's the opposite of charisma? In addition to this ability, I can apparently erase your memory as well, as you will have no idea that we had this conversation before and that I already answered the questions you asked. It's like it never even happened and I'm just making this shit up for the fun of it!

So, as I was saying... hello? Yes, as I was saying... uh huh, it is a nice day outside, oh yep I see you're busy gazing out the window even though we were in some sort of conversation just a moment ago. That's okay, heh heh. So yeah, hi! As I was saying we did receive that paperwork just... well no, it's not a new sweater but thank you for noticing that just now. So, anyway... oh okay I've got your attention? Oh thank you, I know how difficult it is to get through this conversation with me but I just wanted to say that - no, actually that wasn't what I was going to say if you'll just lis - mm hmm, mm hmm. Okay, never fucking mind.

7 comments:

Grafs said...

He who giveth, taketh away...Right? My current best attention span: 2.5 seconds.

KC said...

I have this same problem when talking with my mother.

Rootietoot said...

I can make people's eyes glaze over. I can even

um

what were you saying?

Anonymous said...

Any reasonably attractive woman has exactly this effect on me.

Beth said...

I get this all the time in my own home. Both from the big-guy and the little-girl. Lately, though, the guy has been noticing, and apologizing, within moments of cutting me off. I should be grateful...

---- said...

Ugh, I hate that. Makes ya want to turn into a mute.

Today's Hump-Day, though, so that's good. Screw the ADD people.

(Ha ha, I said "hump.")

NeverEnough said...

Haha!! You failed though - I read every single word!