Sometimes people say or write shit that is so mean and so deeply insulting, you don't even get mad. You don't even want to argue. It may just hit you the wrong way, and other times you wouldn't care. And you don't want to show that you do care, so you turn away so no one can look at you. But your heart has dropped into your stomach and given you that sick feeling, and there's this heat rising up the back of your neck.
And you'll think of an appropriate comeback, 2 days later when it doesn't matter anymore. That's just the nature of things.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
big meanies
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3 comments:
I always wonder where it comes from, that urge to make someone feel like less. Is it therapeutic? Cathartic? Do they hate themselves? Do they sleep better?
Oddly enough, I see it most clearly in children. It is in it's rawest form. Uncamouflaged and deliberate.
My little boy once told me that he sees everyone as building with blocks. Everyone in a line building these towers. Some people are fast and clever little builders, some people are slow and steady, some are maybe neither, but are dreamy, happy people who never build that high or that fast, but are perfectly content. Then there are those guys who build some of the the time, but have figured out that if you push blocks off the other guys tower, yours looks way taller. He calls them "Knockblockers"
I don't know. He's only eight, but I think the image is an interesting one. I hate that he has had to figure it out already, but maybe he'll prove to be more resilient for it. Eight years old and ready for the Knockblockers...
Wow, Megan - you and your son summed that up really well. What perceptive thinking for that age! Thanks for understanding. :)
Hey Jessica,
It's those very deep cuts which take longest to heal. We can laugh them off as though nothing's happened, but in a month or year or whatever we find that the scar still isn't healed.
I'm an especially sensitive person when it comes to what people say or think about me, but I'm learning that there are precious few whose opinion really matters (God, wife, children, and that's about it). That seems to help.
FWIW, I like your blog and think you're doing well! :)
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