Immaculate Misconceptions

Or "The beginning of my naughty mind"

I was raised Catholic and conservative. There were things we just didn't talk about. It wasn't til later in life that I realized how different and open other parents were, but you know - it was how things were and felt normal.
However, I was never afraid to ask my parents questions. Questions they wished I wouldn't ask!

"Mom, what's a flasher? How can a man have sex with another man - do they just rub their thingies together? Were you a virgin before dad?"
"Dad, what's a masochist? Will I ever have big boobies? When did you and mom first have sex?"
And it goes on like this. I have to give them some credit for trying to come up with answers for an 8-11 year old, or however old I was. Well, I had two older brothers and I would hear things but wouldn't get the whole story! I also would read any young adult books that I could get my hands on that might mention sex. I was curious!

But back before all that, I remember a conversation I had with my mom which shows just how misled I was, but then again I was probably only 6 or 7. We were riding in the car and something I heard on the radio must've sparked this discussion.

Me (in my best imitation of my mother's tsk-tsk voice, and shaking my head in disbelief): "Mom, isn't it just awful that these days, people think the only way to have a baby is to have sex?"
She couldn't help turning to me in surprise and while fighting back the laughter. "Jess, sex is the way people make babies"
I was horrified. "But you told me that you prayed to have me!"
Mom: "Well, I did. I prayed that we'd be blessed with a healthy little girl. But that's not all it takes."
Me: "So that means... you and Dad had sex?" (I said that like it was a crime. All I knew previously about sex was that it's bad and don't do it.)
Me: "But wait a minute, what about the Virgin Mary? Isn't that a true story?"
Mom: "Well, that's different. But... I'm not telling you more about sex until you're older. We weren't supposed to have this talk so soon."

So that was that. For a while. I found other ways of getting my information. But still it wasn't until 4th or 5th grade that I discovered that testicles existed. I knew what a penis was, but when they put a diagram of the male anatomy on the overhead projector, I was like "No one told me there was something else down there - eeek!"

Don't worry folks - I think I've got things figured out now.