I'm not staring!

So we were having dinner on the patio at a restaurant the other day. I personally am not a big fan of the dining al fresco but it was tolerable. As I may have mentioned before, sometimes I don't know what it is, but I catch myself staring at people. So there's this guy at the table behind us, he's slightly obnoxious and not bad looking but that's not the point. My eyes get drawn to his crotch. I look away. I'm so rude! But what is that? There's something in his lap area. I look again. EEK! I think I see a big gnarly nutsack hanging out of his shorts. Ughh. It's all big and mishapen. I look away. That can't be. Good Lord, what if my mom turns around? I've got to sneak another peek. I look back and it could just be he's just holding his hand in a weird way on his lap. Then it moves as he's talking and I see it is a hand but there are only two fingers on it. Well now I have to look away. Cause that's just rude to stare at a guy who's missing some fingers. He could've been very insulted by my staring. Then I would've had to tell him that my eyes are bad and I thought his gimpy hand was a deformed nutsack hanging out of his shorts. I wonder if he's ever heard that one before. Yeah, I don't think that would make things any better. So I shifted my gaze, but then I felt his eyes on me. I peeked and saw he had a slight smile and was sitting with his legs further apart, facing in my direction. I really need to stop staring at people's crotches....