Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Not what I meant to say

I've been on these continuous birf-contro pills for several cycles now and have to admit - not missing the ol' period. No sir. Not missing it! But, there are always drawbacks with these things. The PMS, I still has it. BIG time. Maybe even for a prolonged time each cycle, or so it seems. It's a force too great to be diminished by some measly pill. And as such, I'm feeling positively nutty right now. I'm mad! I'm furiously mad and I want to talk about it! Go ahead, you say? Well, I don't damn know what to say! Forget it, I'm stupid. I'm just a horrible person and it turns out I'm not mad, I'm sad. Deeply horribly sad. I don't want to talk about why, but I want you to want to know why. That will make me cry and feel better and scold myself for being ridiculous and uh-oh, start this process all over again. Don't back away. Yes, I want to be alone but I don't mean it, I don't think. I don't know... about anything. I'm trying to make light but it really fucks you up to feel so - I don't know - out of sorts? Especially being someone who doesn't have all her sorts in a row in the first place.

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