Not always, just sometimes

I just don't know. About anything.
It feels like everything lately is moving at a normal pace while I am in slow motion, never able to quite catch up to everyone else. There are births, birthdays, marriages, etc. People's lives are changing and I'm standing still, watching from the sidelines. It's not a sad thing, I just don't get why I feel this way now when I used to like to participate, at least somewhat. Or maybe I just wasn't given the option not to when I was younger. Now I just feel kinda numb. I feel so disconnected from my brothers and extended family and I know it's mostly my own fault. You can't just tell people that you love them but seeing them once or twice a year is enough. Not that I did say that, it's just something I remember from one of the "you've gotta stop being such a selfish bitch" speeches I've received over the years. The thing is, it does hurt sometimes but for the most part it feels more normal this way, with this distance. I know it's messed up, I'm just sayin.