Friday, March 03, 2006

A Fine Collection of Quotes from Coworkers*

  • - female coworker, coming out of bathroom "Wooohh, now don't you go in there for about 35 to 45 minutes, girl. Mmm, I tell ya - I wish I could get my money back, 'cause that sausage just went right on through me!"

  • - full-of-herself coworker telling rest of us about her date "I thought at first he said I'm pretty, because I'm so used to hearing that all the time, but no he said I'm witty and I was like that's so cool, because I really am so witty, it's just no one notices it!

  • - stupid girl that only lasted for 2 weeks, referring to 911 "Okay, so they hijacked the plane with a box-cutter? I would've been like hell naw, yall ain't taking me down with no box-cutter. I wouldn'ta been scared of that shit, pleease. Pssshhh, how dumb were those fuckin hostages?"

  • - meth-head mom, showing responsibility "I'll only carry a gram of meth on me if I've got my baby in the car."

  • - non-smoker towards smokers break area "Goddaamn! Who left one in the ashtray? Smells like a fuckin burnt tampon up in here!"

  • - overly thrifty coworker to fellow smokers "Hey, do you smoke Basics? I got a coupon for buy one get one free, I'll sell it to ya for a dollar."

  • - outspoken redneck says to only black employee at the time "You know how black people just have that smell? No, no - I'm serious! Well, I think I figured it out - it's the grease they put in their hair, right?

  • - same outspoken redneck to same black coworker, being honestly ignorant "Why do all black people like watermelon and fried chicken so much?"

  • - black coworker to me, about outspoken redneck coworker "That ol' heifer better watch her fatass, next time she wanna talk some ignorant bullshit to me."

  • - gay-hating female coworker upon mention of Brokeback Mountain, in seriously disgusted voice "Whatever. Why would I want to watch a couple faggies getting all... faggy?"

* an example of some classy ladies I've worked with


girlfiend said...

Classy, indeed.

Erin said...

wow, these should go to overheard in the office.... they're always looking for new submissions


swirly girl said...

When I was living in Michigan, I ran into that a lot. And it was surprising because I'd never encoutered that kind of talk in Texas at all. The crap you hear down here...well, it's a little different and usually in Spanish.

Other things I wasn't used to when I moved: Smoking Breakroms, Unions, and the Northern Redneck (totally different from the Southern redneck, trust me!).

I'm not saying Texas is perfect either, but there is a lot less snow. :) Man, good luck there!

Ver. 2.8 said...

LMAO sounds like you work in a jail.

Nervous Girl said...

swirly -
yeah, at least all except the last quote are from my former job, and there are places in MI that are more um, affluent? kinder? gentler? than others. I'm sure I'd manange to find annoying coworkers wherever I went! And you're right - there's that breed of Northern redneck that's not like the stereotypical Southern redneck - I mean, MI is the home of "the Nuge" after all (not saying I'm necessarily proud of that). :)

Ver 2.8 -
ha! No, not a jail. But you would hear these women talk about not getting any for so long that they'd have to clear the dust and cobwebs out of their snatches. Blechhh!

Grafs said...

Ha! these are hilarious...People say the craziest shit.

Soffy O said...

Oh my! WHERE do you work? Heeheehee. Do you often feel like the only normal person there? :)

---- said...

LMFAO. Makes it worth dragging yourself into work every morning!


Blush said...


awesome. crazy ppl rule