Monday, March 20, 2006

Another dick in the wall

Dude. What is up with the Wall? (Ahem, you know what I mean - it rhymes with Ballgreens?) The harshly blaring lights, unmarked merchandise and zombielike staff aren't enough?

It seems like every time I go, something weird and/or mildly irritating happens. And I'm not even talking about the times that they lost or didn't have my prescription, I mean - that's just expected as part of the fun, right?

>There are the times when the lady at the pharmacy pick-up counter looks like she's gonna blow your fucking head off as she asks you if you have any questions for the pharmacist, which you politely say you don't, even if somehow you did. Or the times when you spell your last name three times and she just starts sighing loudly and rummaging through all the little alphabetized buckets, throwing prescriptions to and fro in her frenzy.

>Or the times when you're unfortunate enough to have to go down the aisle with the feminine products, which inevitably will be in the process of being stocked by multiple gawking male employees who won't just politely get out of your way. "So yeah man, huh huh she was totally wasted and passed out in the back of my car, and... OH! CAN I HELP YOU FIND ANYTHING, MAAM?" in the way that's just completely for the other guy's amusement. I shake my head and turn around, pretending to have come down the wrong aisle. I can just picture their little snickers as I walk away... "Damn dude, looked like she needed some super absorbancy, huh huh!"

>Or the time that I waited in line at the pharmacy checkout for what felt like an eternity behind this greasy guy who would not stop dancing this little jig, then annnounced when it was his turn at the counter "YES! I am picking up some OINTMENT!"

>Or the times that I run into this guy I went to school with who works there, who always tells me he dreams of someday "burning this fucking place down, I swear I'll fucking do it, I fucking hate this this place. Sorry, I gotta go hide the clearance stuff before people try to buy it."

Okay, so the last couple times I had to go for a prescription, I figured I'd use the "convenient drive-thru service" to possibly avoid the craziness. No such luck. I'm almost positive that the guy they have working the drive-thru window used to work either at an oil-change place or as a bouncer. Not that that's a bad thing, he's just kinda gruff and LOUD, considering what he does. I'd say just imagine Tom Sizemore is giving you your prescriptions, but ok - he's a couple notches below that level of intensity. Still. The first time I went, I was in the second lane which has this box on a track (not like the nifty tubes at the bank) which has written all over it DO NOT CLOSE DOOR - DOOR CLOSES AUTOMATICALLY so you know, fuck if I'm gonna be the one to close it and get yelled at by this dude. So of course, the box-thingy gets stuck as it tries to go up and into the building because the door does not close automatically and so he has to tell me "YOU GOTTA SLAM THE DOOR SHUT ON THAT THING, OKAY? LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN!" and it was just a stupid embarrassing experience. Today I go and figure I'll be in the first lane and avoid the box thingy. But still, I get the same guy and he barks at me, interrupts me when I try to answer, he's like "YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP, AND SLOWER" and then later he said something that I didn't know was a joke that needed a response because HE SAID IT LIKE HE SAYS EVERYTHING ELSE. So I halfheartedly smiled and nodded, but wasn't really looking at him and he's like "ARE YOU OKAY OUT THERE, MAAM?" and I thought, you know I guess I can just be glad he didn't look at my prescription and announce into the microphone "OH I SEE - YOU ARE NOT OKAY, ARE YOU? HA HA HA" but anyway. We complete the transaction and he says "Nice car, by the way" and I almost say "Damn, dude - don't be such a fucking dick about it" but then I realize he can only see the side that isn't (still) smashed up, so I just awkwardly grumble "thanks" and chirp out.
I gotta switch pharmacies.

note: this use of "The Wall" coined by Dane Cook, as if you didn't know.
& Look, I used the word dick for two post titles in a row!


Will said...

are you going to head over to the BK lounge next?

Beck said...

amen on the shit that happens at the wall

i've had similar experiences there

Grafs said...

it's amazing to me how quickly service personnel/customer relations has deteriorated. It is simply that, in the case of where I work, people yell at us all day, so we are just expecting you to do the same, or we are put in a bad mood. It's human nature. I am always polite unless someone gets in my face...

---- said...

LMAO - you should seriously think about doing a Dave Barry-type humor column for a newspaper. Funny stuff, girlie!

(And yeah, that last sentence makes me sound like a perverted old man.)


HemisphereDancer said...

"Dude, she menstruates. That's hot. Huh, huh, I'm thinking about that girl's pussy right now and she doesn't know it..."

Yeah, Walgreen's takes the cake. They're hiring more and more younger workers who really have no clue.

I attribute the lack of social skills to the advent of debit/credit card machines at the counter. It removes most human interaction from the transaction...desensitizes people.

Could have been worse, you could have been buying something for "femenine itch" or, something I just learned existed...climax control people really need these? Come on! As if a condom didn't slow things down enough???

Maybe it's just for guys with REALLY HOT girlfriends...

swirly girl said...

"YES! I am picking up some OINTMENT!"-- I probably shouldn't laugh at that, right?

Nervous Girl said...

Will - aw yeah, wassup BK Broila? :)

Beckalicious - thanks :) we all have to face the wall at some point...

Grafs - yeah and the thing is, I understand how much stress and crappy customers they must have to deal with, but you know they could be selective with who they pull the 'tude with! (They don't have the Grafs kinda skills)

PinkGold - Aww, that's a nice ego boost - thank you! And come on, you know I wouldn't mind even if you *did* sound like a perverted old man (which you didn't) Ha!:p

Hemisphere - You crack me up! And I'd agree with you on the condoms, they must kinda suck for the lady too....
guy huffing and puffing"Ohh yeah baby, so glad I got these climax control condoms"
(yawns) "What? Oh yeah, yeah, me too." looks at watch, wipes sweat off face...

Swirly - hee hee, it's ok - I laughed to myself even when I was standing right there!