Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Either way, someone won't be happy

I kind of feel like I'm going to throw up, but other than that I appear to be not going completely crazy. That's usually the way it is, I will freak out about the little things and then when it comes to real things I feel oddly calm and detached...

No, wait - I am freaking out!

My mom didn't really need to remind me of what I need to worry about. Doesn't she know that's what I do, is worry? I can't remember her ever being really behind me in any decision I've ever made. Well, that is, on my own... if it was a decision she was involved in making then it was okay. You know, like "it's up to you, but..." and you know the only right choice is whatever it is they want you to choose. I know, people just generally want to influence me since I am so easily influenced, and they mean well mostly. At the same time though, it further promotes my feeling of being immature and helpless when they do that, and I let them. I know I'm to blame. I don't want to look back at my life years from now, and think of all the things I didn't just put my foot down and do, for me.

more later.

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