Blah blah shopping, blah blah girly stuff

Oh, the mall - she's a cruel mistress. But the semi-annual sales! They beckoned! It now makes sense that Victoria's Secret and Bath & Body Works are owned by the same company, and seem to do their sales at the same time. Go to both stores and you get lost in this time warp slash customer service loop and before you know it, it's been 2 hours and you're sweaty and tired and you kind of hate people and don't even care what you purchased. One of the things I purchased, it turns out, is a bra that still has the clunky fuckin security sensor still attached to it. Great. I kindly listened to this girl's spiel about the stupid VS credit card so her manager would stop glaring at her and insisting she give me a mesh shopping bag. (Really, I think the mngr was standing behind me mouthing "Bag? Did you give her a bag?" and the girl had to stop and say "no, she's about to check out, she didn't want one" and then apologize to me, because apparently giving out the boogered up shopping bags is a HUGE DEAL, because it's so goddamn CONVENIENT for the consumer. Sure, I might not want to expose my lingerie selections to everyone, but they need to back off a bit. You so much as lay a finger on a bra in there, immediately a salesgirl is thrusting a bag toward you "How about a bag? Taaake eet! Shopping more convenient with bag! Take thee bag pleeeease!" You can already have a bag, and they try to give you a bag, it's seriously redonk.) So I'm gonna have to dodge her again and take back the bra (which probably doesn't fit anyway) and prove that I didn't try to steal it, they just didn't take the stupid security tag off... because trying to give/sell you crap that you don't want is more important than your actual purchase! Bah. And they charged me twice for something B&BW, which I realized while in the parking lot, so I had to go through the cluster-fuck of salespeople again... (no bag thanks! Just trying to make it to the register!) and was seriously needing to mainline some of their Tranquil Mint Aromatherapy by the time I got out of there. (But hey, the aromatherapy line of stuff really is good! And 5 bucks each instead of 13!) Oh and how come both stores have to always be about 90 degrees inside? Seriously, I wonder if that's on purpose to make people delusional and spend-happy, or if it's to get people in and out quickly because they are SWEATY and THIRSTY and CAN'T BREATHE in there.

Oh I am just a crotchety ol' thing, aren't I?

But hopefully a good smelling one.

Also, the required asking for phone number, email address, etc. kind of crap whenever you try to complete a transaction is really annoying. Why don't I just shop online? Because shipping from either place takes FOREVAH!

And I go on like this.

/shopping rant>

You mustn't touch

I know I have a number of somewhat silly hang-ups about things. One of them is personal space, and another is eating in the company of others. I may have noted in a previous post that I experience some displeasure and discomfort in others nosing in on whatever I'm eating. Sure, at home I wouldn't mind my fiance grabbing a bite off my plate or touching my food, we're cool like that - but with coworkers that feels like a boundary that just shouldn't be crossed. With one of my coworkers, I can blame this on two things: she happens to have a very inquisitive nature (she's usually interrupting you to ask another question while you're trying to answer the first one) and she never wears her damn glasses. So, say I bring something from a fast food place for lunch. Even if she's got something of her own, this is usually what happens:
Co: What'd you get?
Me: Oh, just a chicken sandwich off the dollar menu (shrugging as to promote the idea it's nothing to be too interested in.)
Co: Ohh. I haven't had that before, what kind?
Me: Just a fri-
Co: Lemme see it (rolls chair over to my desk, leans in about 3 inches from sandwich)
Me: (Feeling awkward) Yep, just yer basic chicken sand-
Co: Lemme see how much meat they put on it, what else is on it? (squinting and reaching for it)
Which mostly likely will lead to me slapping her hand away and yelling "Dude, back off! I am not lifting my buns up to show you my meat!" loud enough for everyone in the office to hear.
That'll teach her.

Distracted, discouraged, somewhat hopeful

Not to be a complainer, but... ah, fuck it - you know me. Lately I've really been making a concerted effort to get back into the wedding planning, but I'm still not getting very far. It just doesn't come as naturally to me as it does most women, that part that says "This! I want this and I must have it! I'm a princess, a pretty pretty princess!" Ok, maybe not. But I do need to get at least something in order, an' wit' a quickness. The few options that are out there are all getting booked for any of the decent dates next year. I'm feelin the pressure, yo. The trouble isn't just money - even though that is quite troubling - it's that I'm awful at making decisions, especially when I'm not that thrilled with any of my options. I know that sometime here in the nearish future, we'll be married. But right now, it just feels really out of reach and I feel just kind of stupid and bad about it. But that's just me. I've probably said all this before.

I've been seeing some really awful, like inexcusably bad, websites while looking for wedding vendors. Stuff that hasn't been updated in years, corny graphics from the 90s, the whole bit. Doesn't anyone check out business' websites these days? I mean, I'm not going to book something just by seeing it online, but damn, would it kill these people to put up some useful information? Maybe throw me a few decent pictures that aren't thumbnail size? It is at least somewhat representative of your business, no? Bah!

But it's alright.

So, how've you been? We should catch up again sometime soon.

Please don't report me to Clinton & Stacy

I need some new clothes, man. The good news is: I lost some weight over the last couple months. The bad news is: I haven't lost enough to really fit into the stuff I was wearing this time last year. So I'm in that awkward in-between phase where the few larger-sized items I bought a few months ago are just making me look bigger than I am now, and the smaller clothes I have are making me look like I'm a little too "poured into" them. I mostly wear button-up blouses to work and they will fit for the most part, except I'm getting that annoying peek-a-boo around the third button region across the bust (see pic of Ms. Spears with that problem, exaggerated). Oh, and that of course doesn't mean I'm not wearing these shirts. Because you know the look I'm going for says "Hey - I'm a little bit office, but I'm a little bit hussy too - lookit my bra!" But, you know, it's fine - just as long as I keep pulling on my shirt, and you don't view me from the side. Dude, I need some new clothes.

Dads can be weird sometimes

I wonder if perhaps the best way to plan for a dad visit is to not plan so much at all. He doesn't often give a lot of notice, and insists on being vague about when he'll arrive and when he'll leave. This can tend to stress me out. It almost seems like he does it purposely so you can't say no. Leaves me feeling like I'm a bad hostess by having to ask "so... were you thinking of staying over, or... getting back on the road?" He'll say to just tell him if it won't work out, but it also feels like there's a load-bearing wall of guilt behind that statement. Like when he responds "sure I can find a... campground or cheap motel or something around there." I don't know. Maybe he gets just as uncomfortable as I do and just wants to see how things play out. Still, doesn't make it the easiest to plan around or prepare for.

So, this time I'm not really planning either. He's supposed to call my cell phone vaguely this afternoon, hopefully it's not when he's already waiting at our house. Nevermind that I'm at work, he doesn't know the new location, and it would be preferred that he didn't just "drop in" here. But, I don't want to over-think it like I usually do. Even though I inevitably will.

See, we have a history of some rather uncomfortable visits over the years, so I feel like I'm always expecting the worst. Probably not the best way to go at the situation, but it's hard not to. There's always some comment that sticks with me from the last visit, like how he wants to be happy that we're finally getting married but we did it all backwards by living together before marriage and all, etc. Ah well, at least he didn't throw in the old "women who sleep with men outside of marriage are whores." Ahem. Eh. The bad thing is, anticipating what he might say tends to make me all revved up to be defensive. I need to keep my cool. I know, I'm an adult and should stand up for myself. But it gets sort of pointless to argue. It wasn't always like this, and I hate to say it because it's worked for him - but the church he joined and the way it has changed him has sort of put a damper on our relationship. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells not to cause a debate or an unwelcome evangelizin'. Try to keep everything PG and PBS-like with dad. And definitely avoid getting the missionaries called in to tell us The Truth. Ok, see I am over-thinking it now and getting edgy. Just keep things light and positive, right? It'll probably be fine and I'll feel like a shit for saying anything. :)

Lukewarm

I tried ineffectively to drop the hint to my boss that our "natural refrigeration" system (i.e. setting beverages, etc. in a shady spot out on the porch at work to try to keep them cold) probably isn't going to work much longer now that it's started getting sunnier and the temperature is rising. Bring a cooler or a lunch-box with an icepack you say? Bah, I say! Alright, maybe. But a dorm-sized fridge was spoken of, nay, promised last summer - got my little hopes all up for something other than lukewarm lunches. But I won't push it. Oh, I know - such a spoiled little princess, aren't I? Next thing I'll be asking them to connect the hot water in the bathroom so I can wash my hands all fancy-style. Sheesh.

Fun fact: if you do have to drink them at room-temperature, diet coke is more bearable than diet pepsi for some reason, though I like them both about equally when they're cold. Huh.

I told ya I was trouble

Yeah, that's right - I'm old as hell! Well, comparatively...
So I added a new CD (yeah, I got it all legit from a store and everything!) to my collection, it's by Amy Winehouse. She's pretty badass, but other than that I don't know how to describe her really. She's British, and at first I thought she was like a Nelly Furtado but with edge, but I'm sure that doesn't do her justice. The music has kind of a jazzy, old-school R&B feel sometimes, and her voice tends to remind me of Lauryn Hill but with even more 'tude. Anyway. Here's a link to her video "Rehab" which is one of the catchiest tracks on the album. Oh! But the whole point was that I got CARDED before the girl (probably high-school age) would even ring it up! I'm assuming because it had an explicit lyrics sticker on it? Pshht. Bollocks, I say!

Snarky "Idol" Notes
Ok, last time I mentioned it, I was a bit harsh on Gwen Stefani. She was pretty nice and subdued with the coaching though. It's too bad that the people who did choose her songs picked the worst possible ones - I think even she thought so. And apparently no one has ever heard The Cure's "Lovesong" as performed by 311? Because that's all that Blake did - and not even very well, so please quit telling him he's so fresh and original. But unfortunately, one of my personal faves, Chris Richardson (you know - the Timberlake wannabe) wasn't too impressive either. I was also sort of hoping that Haley would start maybe doing better - but her performance was totally WEAK, and I'm starting to think she's probably kind of a bitch. I'm actually liking Phil more and more - as long as I just forget about that revolting Leann Rimes song he did a while back. And I already told you I wouldn't really miss Chris Sligh if he left, I was surprised other people felt the same way.

Thinly-Veiled Criticisms
They're right up there with back-handed compliments. Don't do it. Just don't. Especially around me, because I'm fucking paranoid and self-conscious and on the lookout for criticisms anyway. Some people may think they can do this cleverly, but it's usually just immature and obnoxious. Example: Former friend & co-worker, whose hobby was inflicting as much psychological grief on others as possible (um, yeah - I have no better name for her) would say things loudly to other people, but in my direction, such as "well the only color I can't stand is pink - I HATE pink, I don't know how ANYONE could wear it" knowing full well that I'm standing right there with a pink shirt on. Ahaha! Good one, bitch! What're we in, 4th grade? Oh, her comments got better than that, but it's one of the most blatant remarks that came to mind. So when my boss goes on for half an hour about what a lazy piece of crap his cousin (seemingly nice guy, btw) is because he sleeps in on the weekends (God forbid!) and is too selfish to have children, therefore has no purpose in life, (don't get me started!) I will of course, think that it's the same kind of shit he thinks about me. And now that I write it out, I don't care so much - just proves that he's the kind of dick who feels better about himself saying shit like that about other people. Nevermind.

Well then, they don't like you either

To each their own and all, but these people (yeah, those people) who are indifferent to animals perplex me. I mean, it's not like we're all morally obligated to own lots of pets or rescue little critters or be interested in every kind of animal. And sure, there are reasons why people might not be able to have pets in their living situation. But just not liking ANY animals, in general? Couldn't care less if they existed or not? Have you experienced this? Do you know these people? I guess I just wonder if there is some underlying reason. A couple people that I've known who have this attitude have terrible allergies, which explains why they never really got the chance to bond with an animal, but they also seemed to develop a contempt for them. Doesn't matter if it's a cat, dog, bird, turtle, koala (how can you possibly hate a koala?) etc. Like, they wouldn't hit the brakes if one was crossing the road, and wouldn't understand why a person would be upset about the loss of a family pet, and don't understand why anyone would keep them around. To me, it just seems really cold and I have to admit, it sort of changes my perception of that person. Ahem. (Points at office across the hall)
But, then again, that might be how people feel about me when I tell them I have no interest in sports.

Oh Grumbley Grumbles

I'm having one of those bouts of eye-twitching, don't you hate that? It's just an annoying little quiver, feels like it might be sinus-related so I keep squeezing the bridge of my nose. I've also been experimenting with the art of eyebrow penciling lately, so it's like "hey, lookit that girl - what's her expression? Is she concerned? Annoyed? I don't know, but with the looks of that twitchy eye, I'd stay away from her if I were you..."

My petty complaint of the day is that I don't like being at the mercy of my boss for when I am allowed to have lunch. Normally I bring a cup of soup and a room temperature beverage since we don't have a refridgerator here (which yes, also annoys me) and I just eat at my desk and work through lunch. But some days, I don't like being confined! Some days I don't want or have soup! And it's like it's a BIG pain in the ass that I need to run out for 10 minutes to go get something, which I still can bring back and eat at my desk while working. But he likes to be in control. Yesterday he told me to go to lunch and it was only 10:45AM, today it was - you didn't bring your lunch again??? Irritated sigh. Well, I'll be back in an hour and a half, you can go then. I know, it's just a stupid little thing and usually I try to be flexible about it. It's just that I NEVER take advantage of the whole being entitled (by you know, the state regulations) to 2 15 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch thing, plus the phone hardly ever rings during the usual lunch times, plus we have caller ID and voice mail if anyone DID call, but nevermind, nevermind - I just get a little cranky when I'm hungry!

Whassa matta you?

Me + cars = trouble.

I was just thinking, juust theenking of finally getting some body work done on my car, when lo and behold she decided not to start after I got my morning coffee from the gas station and was going to be on my way to work. I'm sorry I cursed you, car! You trying to tell me you've got worse problems I should pay attention to? I hate that sinking feeling when you're turning the key when you know it's doing no good "please turn over, please this time, please fucking start!" At least I was parked in a decent spot (not at the pump) at the time and had a few minutes to make calls before the battery died on my cell phone (figures). But I hate that. When you like, need help from people, possibly strangers, but the look in their eyes says "please don't ask me, I don't know you, please don't ask me, what are you trying to pull, don't talk to me" but at least the store manager was kind enough to attempt giving me a jump start. It didn't work though, so now I wait to hear the fate of my car and hope it's nothing serious but I'm expecting the worst, because it usually is.

But hey, I got a ride to work from my non-working co-worker, a ride to the shop to drop off the keys, and hey I might even fenagle a ride home (across frickin town) from some kind soul. So I'm thankful that some people out there will still help other people. But most likely, only if they know you.

Not "Share Bear" Enabled

You know, I know work computers are well, for work and all and not actually a personal belonging. But when you work at the same one for so long and have everything set up the way you want it, it kinda feels like "yours." So, silly as it is - dontcha hate it when someone else uses your computer and you come back to find a bunch of stuff changed? What the crap is this? You were using this computer for a couple hours and found it necessary to put your own music program (what - itunes not good enough?) on here and install 2 frickin instant messengers? WTF? Perhaps I'm not as good about sharing as I thought, as my first reaction is to change all that's been tainted back to how I had it. Files buh-leted!

Battle of the Secretaries

I hate it that ever since the ONE time, about a year or more ago, that my boss didn't call back her boss in a timely manner, this woman assumes it was due to my negligence and not my boss's own doing. I gave him the message! And the message after that, damnit! She used her best mom voice and scolded me, saying "Well we've been waiting for his call and that's just NOT cool" and was quite personally offended. I apologized profusely but I didn't rat out my boss, so I will be taking the brunt of her bitchiness for... oh, eternity (or the length of my employment which hopefully comes first.) Ever since that little incident she gets pointedly snippy and uncooperative with me when she calls even though I kiss her ass. I can practically hear her cold, dead stare whenever I try to be light and friendly. At least I have the safety of only being over the phone and not in direct contact with her. I don't know. Menopausal much?


* I'll try to hold off on the work-related bitching at least for a while now. I know it's about as fun to read as... well, as it is to be here. Sorry about that.

Use with caution

I have to use Q-tips cotton swabs after a shower because I hate that feeling of having water in my ears. But what I hate even more is when I get a faulty one that's more "Q" swab than "tip" cotton. And I don't realize this until I've already jammed it in my ear, which the package clearly warns not to do. Ouch.

Maybe I should splurge on the name-brand ones next time.

Bees in my bonnet

The 10 things I hate list (as suggested at Gone Feral - please read her list, it's much funnier)

1. Dates & figs - blech! That tingling feeling behind my ears and the involuntary shuddering is nature's way of saying that these should never be passed off as a sweet treat, except maybe to a desperate fruitbat. Gross.
   
2. Playing "Find That Smell" - especially in the kitchen. Even if you win, you lose. Note: it was the potatoes.
   
3. Bitches who want to compete with you even though you're not trying to compete. Yes, you have an overly-inflated sense of self worth and something to prove - that's wonderful. Go away.
   
4. That people feel the need to push, push, PUSH their religious views &/or diet plans (which is worse?) on others. I understand that they found a lifestyle that works for them (or as they might say "the truth") and they think everyone should, it's just when they gotta be all up in your face about it - it's not cool. Agree to disagree.
   
5. How there's always someone at every job that has to remind the rest of us that she "doesn't even need this job" because her husband makes GOOD money.
   
6. Car problems. Nuff said.
   
7. When the damn blog template doesn't load right and the background images aren't there and the whole thing has just gone to shit for no reason. Grghh! That really burns my butter.
8. An empty inbox. Even when it's deserved due to my lazy ass.
   
9. Dueling alarm clocks. One on each side of the bed. Every weekday morning at 5 or 7 minute intervals. You'd think that we'd wise up and not both hit snooze(s) repeatedly for almost an hour, but well... we do. Even though we hate it.
10. Bugs - especially earwigs, the creepy bastards. Their name alone gives most people who've known these little fuckers a wicked case of the heebie-jeebies. Do they even have a fucking purpose?

Honorable mentions:

- "Hollaback Girl" - yeah, I said it. Everyone loved this ear-bleedin song but me.
- Guilt trips. The only kind of family trip you can count on.
- Water chestnuts - gak!
- Jewel. This may just get a post of it's own.

Rather than dishing out the taggings - why don't you crazy hatin kiddos just let me know if you make a shitlist of your own? Come on, let it out!