Halfway There

Not that you need an explanation, but sometimes I just can't bring myself to write or to write and actually publish something because my inner critic just won't shut up. I wish that could be used to my benefit - to make me a perfectionist and really good at something. Instead, it makes me want to retreat and not do anything because I don't think it'll be good enough. Even the most trivial of things, like writing an email or a post or telling people at work that I have an idea. I second-guess, and ultimately just tuck it away and don't do it. I know, it's stupid and I'm having a hard time explaining it. So I'm just trying to type and not immediately go back and pick it apart. So what, ya know? It's my frickin journal to an extent and should be treated as such. It's not worth getting all fussy over. I've got to remind myself of that.

So, ANYWAY let's move on.

American Idol was sort of disappointing this week. I'm only slightly embarrassed to tell you that out of the guest coaches on the show, I was actually really looking forward to Bon Jovi week. Shit, who didn't love them back in the day? Well I guess you have to be of a certain age to appreciate it, like Jordin's MOM (I love how she pointed that out.) But then the performances just - well, left me wanting to hear better performances of those songs. Even when Bon Jovi performed, I was thinking "They're not even gonna ROCK? WTF?!" I kept waiting for that song to pick up and it never really happened. Bah! Plus the two guys that I kind of liked are both voted off now. I do have to say though, that even though I liked Chris and most of the song was pretty good (he even did a bit of a raspy voice thing there that I liked) there is no excuse for not putting all of your energy into the most badass line: "I've seen a million faces, and I ROCKED them all." Damnit if he didn't sing that like he rocked them all gently to sleep. Ah well. I'll still miss Chris and Phil, but I'm sure they'll do just fine.

The dieting is going alright. It's kind of depressing sometimes - like when you look at the amount of calories in everyfuckingthing - but we're also getting to try a variety of healthy foods that really don't taste all that bad. And getting some exercise - I can't believe I'm saying this - actually feels pretty good. But I feel like I shouldn't talk about it too much or I might jinx it or start sounding like one of those people, you know - those healthy types.

I can't believe that I actually sent my fiance an email yesterday concerning the status of our cat's butt. Seriously. I can only imagine the conversations that actual parenthood will cause us to have someday. Whoo boy!