"These burritos are for my feet" said the truck driver who had no heat

• It was so cold and windy over the weekend that the winter weather advisory actually said "If you don't HAVE to go outside, please do not." We didn't, at least on Sunday when the windchill was way below zero and everything was a blur of white. I'm tired of winter, and having snow inside my shoes and/or socks. Gahhh. You'd think I'd have invested in some big ol' boots by now.

• I notice that when I use conditioner, it not only makes my hair soft (duh) but it also makes a gob of it fall out when I rinse. What's up with that? Is it weeding out the weak hairs (and why couldn't it just take out the sneaky gray ones)? It seems to happen with whatever kind of conditioner I use, even when I just use a dab and don't leave it on for any length of time. Weird.

• Do you ever have dreams where you kind of morph between watching a movie and being in it? I had some warped Star Wars dream recently, and I was commenting (within the dream) "Huh, I don't remember that effeminate guard putting on lipstick while he's supposed to be watching Princess Leia, nor do I remember the words "bitch" or "vagina" being used in the original Star Wars movie." (Though some people would probably say that's not much worse than the stuff they added to the remastered versions in more recent years.) HA!

Non-sequitur dream time!

The other night I had a dream that we went to a new church with our neighbors. And even though both of us are usually skeptical of the kinds of churches that try to be too "cool" and "hip" and "casual", we actually liked this place. We even participated in their churchly icebreaker activities, which led to playing this odd game of charades. So, it was my turn and I was supposed to be a frog - but for some reason, I could only use my facial expressions to demonstrate this. So I'm trying to mime catching a fly with my tongue, and it's not going well. Everyone's quietly watching dumbfounded for a while, and then one eager participant offers "Oh, I know! Are you... SATAN?!"

Well, I thought it was funny.

Dreams... of the future?

Suddenly, we had a new house that we couldn't afford, much larger and much more elegant than anything I had thought we would call home. I loved it, but knew it must be some sort of mistake - it couldn't really be ours. Three bathrooms! Multiple levels! A beautiful view! It was some sort of alternate reality - it was our house but it wasn't - and I guess we figured we'd enjoy it while we could. Then just as suddenly as the house had appeared, I was holding our baby girl. I've seen her in dreams before - big bright eyes and the chubbiest of cheeks. I was kissing her soft little cheeks and then realized I didn't really know what to do with her - she didn't even have a diaper on. She looked up at me and started to fuss and get teary-eyed with a look that said "You don't know what you're doing!" I looked at her and started to get teary-eyed too, and said softly "I'm sorry baby, I don't know what I'm doing..." as I grabbed some paper towels to put under her.

Invisible Roadblocks

Why do I always feel the need to give myself an intro to what I'm going to say? It's a whole lot of leading up to nothing. I feel as if I'm gradually unlearning any previous communication skills I had. Bear with, I feel some train-of-thought, free-form posts coming. And well, there I go again...

Last night I wasn't sleeping well, kept waking up in that annoying "I'm seriously WAY too awake at this hour" kind of way. Stupid brain wouldn't shut-up. The internal monologue went something like this:
"Hey! What was that joke, that was somewhat funny that time? Hmm, now you can't get back to sleep til you think of it! How did that go again?"
"Why? Who cares? Please, PLEASE shut up and just stop thinking about it!"
"Hey, how about I just keep repeating the song 'Hey Jude' in your head for no reason?"
"RRRGHH!"
"Can I just conjure up some abstract yet poignant dreams?"
"Fine. As long as I can sleep..."

And then I dreamed that a very nice lady (though I'm not quite sure who she was) was gently telling me that I could benefit from some counseling - because, A) most people can benefit from it, and B) I've hit somewhat of a roadblock that I need to work through in order to get on with my life.

Huh. And then I dreamed that I woke up and told you that.

The point is not lost on me, but still... weird.

Hold your horses

My dreams have just been rich with action-packed nonsense lately. If I'm not having some sort of nightmare, then it still has to be something ridiculous and/or frustrating. Like trying to jack off two guys at the same time, but one is saying "faster" while the other one is insisting "slow down" and realizing that I'm really not ambidextrous after all, so somebody's out of luck.

"Delivery for... I.C. Weiner?"

Well, it is kind of pretty out when everything has a fine coating of ice on it. I'm so grateful for having a garage, especially at times like this. And for the moment, my car is acting fine (despite being in and out of the shop 3 times for not starting) although it's hard to tell if or when it'll act up again. The fun thing is when it's so iced up out there that the traffic lights don't work and no one knows what to do. A four-way stop ends up being an impromptu game of chicken. Whee!

So, we got the American Idol Karaoke Revolution game last weekend. The judges' comments get annoying after a while - as they do on the actual show. It's bad enough having a rusty and out of tune voice, but when you don't know the song that well either, it can really be painful. (The cat's ears were back and hopefully no one walking by could hear me from outside.) We had fun with it though. Then I caught some of the show last night - meh. I haven't been following all along, but isn't Simon becoming altogether less annoying than Randy? Oh and what the fuck was Jewel doing there? I found myself resenting her very presence for some reason, but that's mostly due to an old grudge (that I hold for no real reason, in my mind). Eh, whatever - I don't know why I thought it would be fun to watch this time.

I don't remember much of my dream this morning other than I was at some party - I think it was possibly a high-school reunion. I was frustrated and having shoe problems - first I was wearing some that cut my feet, then changed into another pair only to slip and step into a huge mess of pudding. Nice. Then a friend was trying to convince me that we should leave and I was saying "No. You don't understand. I am NOT leaving this party until someone wants to fuck me." Good thing J woke me up shortly thereafter, I imagine even in my subconscious I would've been waiting at that party for a LOOONG time, if ya know what I'm sayin. Zing!

Something tells me I've been here before

Oh man, I've been sleeping way too much and still feeling tired.

One of the more odd recurring elements of my dreams will be flipping the bird. Though I really don't do it all that much in real life, in my dreams there always seems to be a need for it. But in dreamland my hands won't cooperate. I will thrust my hand out at someone angrily, but then will have to use my other hand to extend the middle finger while holding the other ones down - by that time, the meaning is lost on the finger-deserver. I have no idea what that means, other than it's pretty close to the token "trying to run but being stuck in quicksand" feeling, or the "trying to call 911 but keep dialing it wrong" response.

Pretty lame defense anyway, I suppose. "Wait, wait, bad person - I have something to show you - a finger! Hold on, let me get it. There we go, yeah, eat that!"

Don't worry about, don't speak of doubt

So... new template. You like? No? Indifferent? Yeah, I don't know either. Just wanted to change it up for a bit, but I'm sure I'll fiddle with it again soon. I really need to upload some pics along with posts like I used to - because it's looking pretty bland around here.

I've been having these awful dreams. And I know I've been saying everything is hormone related lately, but I think this is too. Or it happens more when I don't have the synthetic hormones in my system. But we don't have to get into all that. These dreams are like watching movies, except they're awful violent movies that you don't want to watch and can't turn away from. Thanks a lot, subconscious mind. I don't know how to explain. It's just disturbing and I hate waking up in a sweaty panic.

I'm waiting for him to get home. Yeah, he's working on a Saturday - that's a bunch of crap but has to be done sometimes. I get anxious to see him especially when I've been by myself all day. I was even going to mix myself a drink to up the lovey-dovey feeling, but I'll wait. The buzz I get from drinking doesn't ever seem to last long, so I don't want to waste it. And it's pretty likely that right now a drink will get me even more horned up. Hornified?

Anyway! I gotsta go for now.

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before

I've been having weird dreams lately, as I am known to do. I probably don't need to tell you that I often have weird dreams when it's Oncoming Period Week. And I probably don't need to throw in that they are often sexually weird or weirdly sexual. But I will mention this line that still is going through my head from a dream the other night. I don't know what exactly brought this on, but I was telling someone very matter-of-factly:
"Even after all these years, Rob Lowe is still fuckable."
So, just keep that in mind. I mean, sure he's good looking in that Smooth Talking Asshole Who Knows He's Good Looking kind of way, but I don't know if he's even in my top 10 DILF list (coming soon, uh possibly.) Anyways, not real sure why he was stuck in my head. I haven't seen any of his work lately, and I never even got to see those sex tapes he was famous for! But I will tell you that one time on Saturday Night Live he did a very convincing impersonation of Shaggy from Scooby Doo. He also was in the not so well known but pretty damn funny superhero movie The Specials and... well okay, maybe I do like Rob Lowe a bit and somehow triggered a subconscious reminder of that.
Okay, moving on. I probably do not need to tell you that I had another dream in which I ahem, uhh visited Lesbonia so to speak or that it was really fucking hot (so to speak). Probably shouldn't say that it involved another girl with pale creamy skin and a well-manicured front yard. I probably shouldn't even bring up the things we did to each other or who was watching while we did it. Because I really don't remember it all that well other than flashes of mental images, but damnit - it was hot in my dream so I guess I mentioned it anyway. Just forget I told you.

Bathroom of Irony

Had this recurring dream again early this morning. I'm desperately searching for a bathroom to use. It always ends up being a public bathroom with many stalls, and there are always problems with it. Some of the stall doors are broken, some don't even have doors. There is water on the floor, a toilet is overflowing. People are everywhere. The place is a mess but I'm desperate. The only clean-looking toilet will inevitably have some other problem, like no privacy. People keep coming into my stall and I can't relax enough to actually go. I've already made a wreath of toilet paper to cover the suspiscious-looking seat, and someone else comes in, sits down and starts to go. I finally exclaim that I've been waiting to use the bathroom for like half an hour now and this is the only one that isn't plugged up or being used. The girl shrugs, flushes the toilet, and it overflows onto my shoes. When I finally get one of the clean, working toilets, I sit there and can't go.

I have a dream book where this is mentioned. Their idea is that in real life there is something you need to "get out" but are embarrassed of it, or just don't know how to express it and you're holding it in.
Or maybe it's just a worry that stays in the back of your mind. If you've ever frantically had to use the bathroom at a rest-stop, a KOA campground, or even at a highschool, the above dream isn't far from reality.

I guess I can just be glad that I didn't wet the bed.

The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste

Last night I had a dream that someone put a cigarette (a camel light to be specific) in my mouth and lit it. It felt so real. I nodded with gratitude, this way I could say it wasn't my own doing. But, I took a deep drag and it tasted bad (this has been happening more and more in my smoking dreams lately.) Thanks, conscience.

Speaking of dreams, last week I had some real disturbing ones. But this was on a day that I had taken a nap, which I don't do so much anymore - and it seems that I tend to have very odd dreams while napping. The kind that make it even more difficult to return to reality. I can't remember all of the details (wish I had written about it then) but it started out with some hot lesbian canoodling with most of the cast of The L Word, but then things took a horrible turn. It was like we were all playing this assassin game, only it turned out to not really be a game. This scary pro-wrestler dude (why the fuck was he there?) had drawn my name and came after me with this small rusty chainsaw, yelling to me that there was no point in running. The awful part, folks, is that when he caught up with me, I could actually feel the heat and the gnarly saw's teeth against my neck. He was going to cut my head off, and all I did was close my eyes and hope that it would be over soon. Really disturbing.

I swear, people. I hardly ever watch horror movies - in fact I tend to get not just disturbed but downright pissed at some of the previews for the shock horror movies that have come out lately. There's enough shit in real life or in dreams that scares the hell out of me, thank you.

She's My Baby*

I just remember a little chunk of the dream I had last night. It was in an old, somewhat abandoned school. Things were fine for a while, we were all watching some presentation or something in the auditorium and then all hell broke loose. I was running with this group of people. We were all trying to escape, but at every exit we came to, someone would die trying to get out, making our herd a little smaller every time. The walls and floors were shifting and we were all being thrown about by whatever force it was outside. I thought I had found another exit, but at the top of the stairs where there was an open door, were these awful growling and barking dogs with blood and drool coming out of their mouths. Someone went ahead of us and distracted (ie: got chewed on by) the dogs so we could pass through. Then it was just me and this sweet little blond haired girl, and all I wanted was to protect her. We made it into some room that was safe, and she clung to me and whispered "I love you" and I said "I love you too and I'm gonna keep you safe." And I held onto her like I was her mother. But when the aliens/monsters came for us, it was the little girl who suddenly had this power to protect us. She'd spin herself extremely fast and knock out anyone who got close. A miniature tornado, she was. Somehow all I got was a few papercuts (I don't know why) and we made it to safety.
And I swear we were not watching Resident Evil or anything like that last night!
I do have recurring dreams where I'm taking care of or protecting a little girl and I think that could be either: the little girl is me, or it's a sign that my biological clock is ticking.


*A Mazzy Star song. I miss falling asleep to that album "So Tonight That I Might See" even though the last song would usually wake me up. Still, one of my favorites from that time. But yes, I realize this title could've perhaps been used in one of my token "lesbo fantasy posts".

Ocean Size

It's just teasingly sunny out, it really doesn't mean it. It's waiting to fool me into thinking it's more than 32 degrees. Still, I can look out the window and imagine. Things seem better by default in the spring, plus I'll have better clothing options. As long as I don't keep getting fatter. The only good thing about my weightgain is that my breasts feel fuller, rounder... and dare I say they beg to spill forth out of my former "room to spare" bras? I find myself absentmindedly fondling my cleavage now that I have more cleavage to speak of. It's nice and warm and soft, yet firm. Yeah, I like boobs. Anyway, point is, that's the only plus of weight gain that I'm aware of. If I was like, 3 or 4 months preggers, then hey - I'd be looking pretty damn good. But I'm not.
I had weird dreams as usual over the weekend. There was this hotel, and there were different kinds of people, different parties on every floor. I was wanted by the men and the ladies, and even a tranny lurking in the bathroom that asked me if I wanted to take a bath together. I passed on that. Then I talked some nasty slutty talk to a Secret of My Success era Michael J. Fox in the elevator, trying shamelessly to get some of his action. Only part I remember, I had hiked my skirt up while lying on the floor in front of him with my hips raised. Subtle, yes. He didn't touch me, just stared at my cooch until the elevator stopped at his floor. Awesome.
I'm also having dreams that I'm supposed to work at my old job as well as my current one, and while it's nice that I'm needed by both places - I don't really fit in or do well at either and things inevitably get all fucked up. Maybe this will replace my "being back in highschool" recurring dream. Damn stupid unsexy recurring dreams.
Enough of my blargon-jargon for now.

Bad Dream

Had some crazy dreams last night. Do you feel pain in your dreams? Because sometimes I swear I do. I had gone with some people I didn't know to someone's house that I didn't know. The details are vague. I was wearing a dress. These people had two dogs that were sniffing me. The bigger dog got up under my dress and growled and bit into my ass. I was screaming. I reached back and was trying to pull his extremely strong jaws apart, it wasn't working. I could feel it, I swear. No one could help me. It sucked. When I woke up and told J about this, he said that although that does sound like something he would do, he was not biting my ass while I was asleep.

Annoying dream

You know those dreams where you're running away from someone or something, but it's like you're trying to run through quicksand? It's really frustrating, no matter how fast it feels like you're trying to go, it seems you're always way too slow and the chaser is inevitably going to catch up.
This morning I had a variation of that type of dream, and I remembered that I had had this dream before. This one is about needing to call 911 while I'm in danger. Something bad will happen, someone's coming after me and I've only got a couple seconds to try to make that call. Sometimes as soon as I have that thought, I realize the phone has been disconnected or the wires have been cut. Sometimes I have my cell phone but either the battery is dead or it has no signal. Then there are times when I do reach a phone that is working, but something always goes wrong while I'm dialing. It's only 3 numbers - how hard can it be? But somehow my fingers will not cooperate! Rrgghh!
So, back to this morning's dream. I sat up in bed after hearing someone rattling the front door. It was just him and me inside, and it was the middle of the night. Then I heard a key clicking inside the lock and the door being pushed open. Even in my dream, my heart was racing. I woke him up and told him someone was in our house. We groggily and defenselessly went into the living room. There were about 6 redneck scuzzy-looking people walking around like they owned the place. I didn't know if they were violent, or just ignorant, or both. One guy with a cocky attitude and lack of teeth looked up and said "who the hell are you?" to us. At that point I started yelling at him "What? Who the fuck are YOU? What the fuck are YOU doing here?" Then this big lady stepped in. "Where's the people who used to live here? Where's so and so?" and J told them calmly that it was our house now and they'd have to leave. The lady then told us that they had been taking care of the previous owner's dog and it had died, so they brought it back here to be blessed before burying it. (???) Then I saw that the lady was holding the dead dog under her coat! She was getting beligerent, like we had made this an inconvenience for her. She and her people would not leave. Then they accused us of this not being our house and what had happened with the people who lived here before? I said I was going to find the number of the guy who sold us the house and sneaked off to find my cellphone and call 911. Of course, every time I tried, different numbers came up. 714, 817, damn it I need 911! But as I've said, in my dreams it hardly ever works. Finally I think I had dialed correctly, but when they answered, this guy just said "yeah". "Is this 911?" I asked frantically. "Yeah" he said in a smirking tone. "Sounds like you've had a bad day." Ugghhh. "I need an officer to come to my house" I whispered "we've had a break-in." After a long silence, the guy on the phone said "alright... yeah, I'll send someone over, but it's probably going to be about 20 minutes." I hung up. I was afraid that the people in our living room were going to attack us and I didn't know what to do. At least we were able to hide while they ransacked our house. The police did arrive shortly, although they were confused and not that helpful. The rest was kind of a blur. What an annoying, frustrating dream!

more f****d up dreams

Let's recap the dreams I've had lately, shall we?

A few nights ago, I was dreaming about the new house. Everything worked out and we were settling in nicely. Then I went to take a shower, turned the water on and got in, and all of a sudden noticed that there was a section above the shower where the paint was peeled back and there was a hole in the wall. These nasty fucking earwigs (if you don't have them where you live, be grateful) started creeping out of there like I had awakened them. I got out of the shower to get some bug spray, but when I came back, they were literally hundreds of them pouring down the wall. It was fucking gross and disturbing. I woke up at that point.

I also had a dream recently about this girl I used to know. (No, this one isn't sexual, because in real life I really don't like her anymore). My boyfriend told me he had talked to her ex boyfriend recently and forgot to tell me that she had committed suicide. I was surprised because no one I've met boasts about themself as much as she does and because she's a mother of a young child. What could've happened to her life? Her ex boyfriend didn't seem too surprised by it though, like it was something that everyone expected. It was fucked up. I was trying to find an explanation, but no one would come out and tell me, and it was too late anyway. Really depressing.

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Just a warning, this next one gets a little graphic.... but we're all adults here, right?
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The other dream I had was quite a bit more pleasant, or at least interesting, although strange. I was at some sort of nightclub with a lot of gold-ish decor. There was loud music playing, people dancing, and everyone was having a good time. Dancers were on the stage, grinding slowly to the music. I was getting drunk and felt sexy and powerful. I looked down and I was wearing a sheer black floor-length robe, heels and thigh high stockings attached to a garter belt. I don't remember what else, if anything, I had on. I settled into a chaise lounge type of chair and adjusted my stockings, slowly running my hands up my legs and letting my long dark hair fall into my face. My boyfriend and his coworkers wandered over, drinks in hand and visibly buzzed. He sat down next to me and we started making out, getting touchy feely and not caring who was watching. Our breath quickened and things became more heated. Without hesitating, I unzipped his trousers and found him hard as a rock against my hand. People around us were wooping it up, and we were putting on a show for them. All my inhibitions were gone, so I pushed him back onto the lounge chair and kneeled over him, sucking his cock while on all fours with my ass raised in the air. My lips and tongue worked around his shaft and I tried taking him as deep as I could, showing off for the crowd. He wasn't embarrassed, and sort of laughed, saying "See? I told you she was good." I lifted my head up for a moment and noticed that his boss was standing right next to us and was pulling on his own stiffened cock. It didn't bother us, and I smiled mischieviously, raising up on my knees to his level. I pulled him towards me by his belt, his erection poking out of the fly of his pants. With one quick movement, I had his entire cock in my mouth while I was being spanked by my boyfriend. I began alternating between the two until I was dizzy. It wasn't degrading, it was more a sense of confidence with being the center of attention. As you can imagine, it made for a sticky situation. (heheh)

I said they were fucked up dreams!

I dream about cars, too

Okay, alright. You want to hear about my unsexual dreams? Would that be more appropriate?
So another recurring dream that I have, isn't so much that it's always the same dream, but there are some of the same things in the background. You know, things that just seem part of life in your dream, but are nothing spectacular? For example, I commonly have dreams lately in which I am about to go somewhere and have 3 cars to choose from. The great thing is, I like to have variety and all of the cars are in good shape so I can just pick whichever one fits my mood. One is my first car, the Honda - all unsmashed and brought back to life in just as good of shape as it was 10 years ago. Then there's my Mazda, which is the newest of the three and in the best shape, but I don't want to drive it much so I can keep it nice. Then there's a Chevy Beretta which I have never owned in real life, but I've thought about it and for some reason I like them. I think mostly because on really bad snowy, icy days I would watch to see what cars got around the best, and I saw a lot of Berettas that had no problem getting around. And they're just not that cool, but not that lame either. So in my dream, I'm just happy to have these choices. Just like to have the luxury of having different options, and not having to depend on just one car. Usually I end up taking my first car, even though there's no stereo or anything fancy about it, there's just a special bond there. Does that say something about my psyche? See, folks? I don't ask for much! Most people would want something expensive and sporty and brand new, where as I have a fondness for mid-priced cars with average expectations. I also seem to want to root for the underdog whenever I have choices. Not that I don't appreciate the faster and fancier choices... I'm just weird like that I guess.

Dreams that were almost cool, I guess

*I don't want you reading this if you know me in real life, or if you're easily offended by slightly suggestive material, but they're just fuckin dreams, people. It's really nothing, so please don't hold it against me.*


Granted, I've been pretty fucked up this weekend. And granted, things are changing in my life right now and there's a lot on my mind.
But the dreams I've been having lately - what the fuck? The other night, I had a dream that I was on the run with 2 women. One of them I loved, and the other one loved me, but everybody didn't love everybody else. We stole this big truck and went to some factory and pretended we worked there so we could steal some shit. I grabbed 2 cartons of cigarettes, a big box full of different Kellogg's cereals and a big jar of pickles. What that's all about, I have no idea. But as we were on our way out, we got caught and it really sucked so my mind kinda stepped in and said "this dream is stupid. I'm ending it now." So really, it wasn't that cool.
Then last night, I had this dream that I was driving around somewhere I didn't know. There were a bazillion different lakes in this town, and it was very quiet there. I went into this grocery store and ended up being held hostage there for a few hours. It wasn't so bad. To pass the time, I went to the hosiery aisle and tried on all the different thigh highs and stockings and modeled them for the other people who were stuck there. Then I just left and it was no big deal. I drove around this strange town for a while and then stopped at some weird old place with a windmill. This girl I used to know was there, I haven't seen her since it was popular to have huge bangs and use tons of hairspray. Our moms were friends and we used to play together. We used to tell each other our secrets and talk about the boys we liked. I asked her if she was still as boy-crazy as ever, and she told me no, that she had decided that she really knew all along that she was a lesbian. And that it was difficult and lonely for her, living in a small town in the middle of nowhere. And I was all comforting as I half-hugged her from the side. My head sort of rested on her shoulder and she smelled so nice and sweet. Before I knew it, my lips had attached themselves to her soft, warm neck and my hands were in her hair. Her mouth was small, soft and shiny with pink lipgloss and I lightly bit her lower lip as we kissed. But that's as far as it went, and then I felt bad and apologized. I was giving her my cell number and again, my brain stepped in and was like "ehh, that's it, time to wake up" and I did, confused....

Almost

Do you ever have dreams that start out as uninhibited and incredibly hot, then twist into something completely lame? Well, it's quite frustrating. Or do you ever end up being rejected in your dreams? How bad is that, when you're rejected in your own fantasies? It happens to me sometimes, but that is probably because I am messed up and even my subconscious knows that.
It's always the leading up to it that's the exciting part, but then before anything happens something ruins it or it morphs into another dream.

Dreamweaver

Are you too into blogging if you dream about blogging and other bloggers?

It's just kinda funny cause I build you people up in my mind like you're celebrities - well, in the way that I try to imagine what you're like in real life but there's a very slim chance of really knowing. So you're almost at the same imaginary level. Well anyways, last night I had a dream that I met HemisphereDancer and he was so nice! Oh shush, we just talked! I think we were both heading down South to help rescue people. He didn't have an accent, I don't know if he really does but I was all talking like I was from the U.P. like "oh yaah, doncha know" even though I don't really talk like that unless I'm imitating someone. Anyways, it was pretty cool. There have been other dreams about more of you out there.... I will try to write something about them when they happen so you can be embarrassed too! Yay!